There is No Place Like Home...Finally

For so long I want FL to feel like home and it just didn't.  Don't get me wrong I know home is where your heart is blah blah blah but my while my heart loved my family I just never felt content here.  I tried many times to find it in family, friends, church, work and then my son but something was just off.  It is like I could be 99% happy but that 1% would just haunt me.

I knew I was responsible for my moods or reactions to situations both with my husband and everyone else yet somehow it was always everyone's fault that I was not all smiles all the time.  Realistically I know you can not always be happy but being miserable more times than not needed to change.  Thus I took control of my life, well all the things I could that is.

Friends were evaluated, where I spent my time was more closely monitored and I allowed myself to say yes to what I really wanted to and no to those activities and things I did not want to take part in.  I finally stood up for my beliefs and did not shy away when challenged with someone's ideals or opinions.

And now here I sit happy with what is going on in my life.  Happy that while I know I am not in all over control I am in control of many aspects in my life.  It is funny that when I started speaking up and sticking up for my family and our beliefs some people left and well others are still trying to figure out what it means for the future of our relationships.  My family has become my priority and our needs and wants come before friends and in-laws and I could not be more excited for what this means in our future.

It took my husbands holiday work party for me to figure out that my life had changed just by acknowledging my moods, my wants and my needs.  I dreaded going to the party.  Last year it just was not fun and I felt out of place.  Not to mention fat and bloated with a 3 month at home.

But this year I had confidence like no other.  I felt pretty, I was interested in the people and what they had to say.  I laughed and ate and I was merry!  And heck I did not even have a cocktail.  I felt so at home with the people, there was no fake smiles or polite laughter there was just me.  Well and of course hubby!  And at the end of the night there was even B when I brought him down at the end of the night.

We drove home that night so we could let B sleep in his own bed and I felt light and happy to be here, to be in FL.  I thought it may be short lived until Sunday I found myself telling hubs that I was happy to be here that I felt like I finally had genuine friends, relationships that I wanted with family and a home.  That's right I finally feel like I have a home!

Yep I am still moving to my small town but the house wont matter because I am finally home.