I feel like I have not sat down in months. Really this is the first time I have opened my lap top in I don't know how long and that is not common for me at all.
Easter we went to see my Dad and family and that was weird. I just don't know. While he can not talk he does have communication devices but he chose not to use them with me. Even when we informed him of new information to as simple as how was dinner.
I enjoyed seeing my family but was reminded that put 3 sisters in the same house for the first time in a few years and there will be fighting. I don't mean major fighting but your typical sibling arguments and disagreements.
This was truly the first time I was able to compare my parenting with my sisters. I have seen her in the past but it was either while they are on vacation or while my son was so young that he didn't need much parenting. We are very different and that is ok. We found ourselves in an argument over it and our styles and expectations but I just walked away and came back later. Although I think it affected the last 2 days of the trip I am proud I stuck up for myself.
I feel like we were go go go before the trip and now go go go after. We have the calendar full of appts, baby showers, birthdays and on and on and on. While I am tired and just dream of a day in my pajamas I am so grateful for what we have.
When we drove home from the airport last week I felt a peace I had not felt in months or even years. I felt like we were back home. Like our little town noticed we were gone and the silence of our street missed the screams and coos of a loud toddler. I breathed a little deeper on that trip knowing that I was excited to be home excited to see our exit and excited just to get back to our new norm.
Who new our quiet town also meant non stop friends and activity. Don't get me wrong I am loving it but I totally think Saturday calls for pj's for at least 1/2 the day~
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
What a Difference
I was cleaning up the house today and thought back over the last year of my life. So much has happened and so much has changed. I don't just mean physically but mentally as well. I am not saying life is perfect but it perfectly imperfect right now.
I am a tell it like it is person and many I know can not stand it yet some how it is this very trait that has really helped me prosper in our little world. I talk more than most, point out when relationships are and aren't working, announce my triumphs and whisper my failures. While this has driven some away it has brought many closer. I love interaction and I love a debate so over the last year if I was met with silence I would either let it roll off or just know that me and that individual are in different spaces. And that includes hubby.
Through this honesty with myself and those around me I am a much happier much more content individual. I took some time in the last year or so to evaluate my needs as a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend and even a believer! The results are nothing short of a happier and healthier me. I really think we all go through phases in life and with them comes different people from those you interact with daily to even those bagging your groceries.
By being honest and confronting the persona we had created as a family we realized we were just not happy as could be in our old environment! Just the sheer smile on our faces and change of weekly activities have reflected that. I do believe that PPD and PTSD after birth played a major part of catapulting me into voicing my concerns with our lifestyle to hubby. Go figure nothing like almost dying and almost losing your baby to wake you up. Or even the response from those around you to both that and to me becoming a mother.
Our family so to speak has changed, our "go to's" have changed, our zip code has changed, where we shop has changed! And now too how we live has changed. Each day is a gift and the things we have are not important. The car is not as important as it used to be (ok for me atleast hubby will always love cars :) ) and the purse I carry, ya no one could care less. I feel like I can breathe deeper and smile bigger.
To some who were just born with that innate self-esteem I envy you but for me I am just reaching my peak of take us or leave us. I am just now ok with knowing I am #5 on your list vs. fighting for #1. I am ok reciprocating what others are giving out to me. While a few years ago I was always striving to be everyone's best friend, best employee, best bargain hunter etc.
The space I am in actually that I think my family is in is the space we belong! Last night I went out with a friend for a much needed and deserved girls night out. Her husband mentioned that moms need to have fun too when she was concerned I would not accept her invitation. In just that one little sentence of his he summed up I think what a lot of mothers face daily when they just want an hour to themselves or a night out with no cares in the world. It DOES NOT make me a bad mother that I let my 18 month old son stay with his Dad for an evening. Although I do know many who would disagree with that.
There is a place for everyone in this world I am definitely being reminded that in my town made up of the most eclectic mix. I love that if you put two of my friends together you would be shocked they both mean just as much to me as the other. That I talk to them both frequently yet they do things so differently. That to me means I am doing it right I am loving people for who they are and not trying to force my beliefs or anything else on them. Although I am sure some may not even get along I don't care cause it's not my place to make them! But truthfully I know every single one of them could come to our house and BBQ and all would be well!
I can't believe that in such a small window we have sold our home moved out of the area and grown so much. I am baffled that hubby wants a tractor and that he talks about his boots to people. I smile that we find comfort and peace in the simplicity of our surroundings. I think it was time to get out from the influence of other people so we could find our path and our life.
We have done it and I can't wait to keep living it!
I am a tell it like it is person and many I know can not stand it yet some how it is this very trait that has really helped me prosper in our little world. I talk more than most, point out when relationships are and aren't working, announce my triumphs and whisper my failures. While this has driven some away it has brought many closer. I love interaction and I love a debate so over the last year if I was met with silence I would either let it roll off or just know that me and that individual are in different spaces. And that includes hubby.
Through this honesty with myself and those around me I am a much happier much more content individual. I took some time in the last year or so to evaluate my needs as a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend and even a believer! The results are nothing short of a happier and healthier me. I really think we all go through phases in life and with them comes different people from those you interact with daily to even those bagging your groceries.
By being honest and confronting the persona we had created as a family we realized we were just not happy as could be in our old environment! Just the sheer smile on our faces and change of weekly activities have reflected that. I do believe that PPD and PTSD after birth played a major part of catapulting me into voicing my concerns with our lifestyle to hubby. Go figure nothing like almost dying and almost losing your baby to wake you up. Or even the response from those around you to both that and to me becoming a mother.
Our family so to speak has changed, our "go to's" have changed, our zip code has changed, where we shop has changed! And now too how we live has changed. Each day is a gift and the things we have are not important. The car is not as important as it used to be (ok for me atleast hubby will always love cars :) ) and the purse I carry, ya no one could care less. I feel like I can breathe deeper and smile bigger.
To some who were just born with that innate self-esteem I envy you but for me I am just reaching my peak of take us or leave us. I am just now ok with knowing I am #5 on your list vs. fighting for #1. I am ok reciprocating what others are giving out to me. While a few years ago I was always striving to be everyone's best friend, best employee, best bargain hunter etc.
The space I am in actually that I think my family is in is the space we belong! Last night I went out with a friend for a much needed and deserved girls night out. Her husband mentioned that moms need to have fun too when she was concerned I would not accept her invitation. In just that one little sentence of his he summed up I think what a lot of mothers face daily when they just want an hour to themselves or a night out with no cares in the world. It DOES NOT make me a bad mother that I let my 18 month old son stay with his Dad for an evening. Although I do know many who would disagree with that.
There is a place for everyone in this world I am definitely being reminded that in my town made up of the most eclectic mix. I love that if you put two of my friends together you would be shocked they both mean just as much to me as the other. That I talk to them both frequently yet they do things so differently. That to me means I am doing it right I am loving people for who they are and not trying to force my beliefs or anything else on them. Although I am sure some may not even get along I don't care cause it's not my place to make them! But truthfully I know every single one of them could come to our house and BBQ and all would be well!
I can't believe that in such a small window we have sold our home moved out of the area and grown so much. I am baffled that hubby wants a tractor and that he talks about his boots to people. I smile that we find comfort and peace in the simplicity of our surroundings. I think it was time to get out from the influence of other people so we could find our path and our life.
We have done it and I can't wait to keep living it!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Still Makes Me Smile
Ok so I know I have said over and over I love this town but really I love this place!! Yesterday I had to go do some paperwork for the sale of our old house and I stopped by to see some of hubby's family. Let's just say they are some of, ok A LOT, of why we left the area. It did not go so well.
Some how through the stress of selling our house, a sick father and the drama of his family my voice came back. For years I have been respectful and reserved and smiley and all nods with them but I just had it. I was polite but I did voice my opinion and how their actions and words have affected us and OMG I felt so good.
My own Mom said that was a big NO NO as she tried not to giggle but I was granted a pass as she put it as we have so much going on. Oh that pass was worth it only I informed her it was not a pass. It was me! It was the loud opinionated girl my husband fell in love with. I was not loud nor rude I was just honest.
And you know what? After I was done I got in the car and hauled it back to our town! Our lovely little town. The town that we will raise our family in and that makes me smile daily. Oh that drive is usually long and redundant but yesterday it was a breath of fresh air!
I know that we should not boast about moving away from family but honestly sometimes if you are not blessed with the nicest or most civil of bunch than a little distance does a girl good.
I also stopped at the house we are selling yesterday and the only pause I had was in B's room. It was crazy to see such an anticipated room empty and stark but the rest of it just seemed so foreign to me. It was still pretty but it was not home. It was no longer where I wanted to lay my head and raise my family and that felt so good.
Today through the overcast and occasional rain I still find myself smiling about where we are at and how blessed we are. I finally have neighbors stopping by with treats and telling us what is happening this weekend and where the local hidden beach is!
So what if the average age here is 70 when no matter what tries to get me down I am still smiling that we have found our home!
Some how through the stress of selling our house, a sick father and the drama of his family my voice came back. For years I have been respectful and reserved and smiley and all nods with them but I just had it. I was polite but I did voice my opinion and how their actions and words have affected us and OMG I felt so good.
My own Mom said that was a big NO NO as she tried not to giggle but I was granted a pass as she put it as we have so much going on. Oh that pass was worth it only I informed her it was not a pass. It was me! It was the loud opinionated girl my husband fell in love with. I was not loud nor rude I was just honest.
And you know what? After I was done I got in the car and hauled it back to our town! Our lovely little town. The town that we will raise our family in and that makes me smile daily. Oh that drive is usually long and redundant but yesterday it was a breath of fresh air!
I know that we should not boast about moving away from family but honestly sometimes if you are not blessed with the nicest or most civil of bunch than a little distance does a girl good.
I also stopped at the house we are selling yesterday and the only pause I had was in B's room. It was crazy to see such an anticipated room empty and stark but the rest of it just seemed so foreign to me. It was still pretty but it was not home. It was no longer where I wanted to lay my head and raise my family and that felt so good.
Today through the overcast and occasional rain I still find myself smiling about where we are at and how blessed we are. I finally have neighbors stopping by with treats and telling us what is happening this weekend and where the local hidden beach is!
So what if the average age here is 70 when no matter what tries to get me down I am still smiling that we have found our home!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)