Parenting Fail??

I am not having the best of times with punishment for B.  Lets just say I am the bad cop in the family and I suck at it.  B is testing every limit right now and is very hyperactive.  We are not sure if the hyperactivity is a phase or something deeper but we will have to just play it by ear. 

So far in the last week he has broken a computer, a pair of 3D glasses and a lamp.  Now I know you are thinking they should really baby proof but come on a lamp on a table does not fall under we did not baby proof.  He did not throw something at it or knock it over on accident he just pulled the table down.  I was so stunned I just didn't even react.

He used to be a headbutter and biter but I thought we were out of that phase till the last few days.  Last night I ended up with 3 bites and the kid does not just bite and move on he bites like he is eating caramel and pulls off. Oh my reaction the first time it happened was not pretty.

Yes I spanked him on his diaper, Ugh how I did not want to be that mom.  And then I sat him on the chair for time out for 1 minute.  He screamed and cried through the whole ordeal seemed to get it and then I explained to him in a calm voice that he can not do that it hurts people.  A few hours later he did it again. 

I can not seem to think that his behavior is a reflection of my parenting.  I am really starting to doubt that I am any good at this or that I should be allowed to have any more children.  Even my mom said she would not want a second for me at this moment because my hands are so full with B.  I am trying all different things to see what works with him and well hoping we find a solution.

I wish this was a time I could blame hubby but with him at work all day I know this falls on to me 5 out of 7 days a week.  I think he gets right from wrong being that last night after punishing him he followed me around till I gave him a hug and told him it was ok.

I don't know if it is normal for an almost 17 month old to climb anything he can, destroy a room in a minute flat, prefer to feed the dogs instead of himself, head butt any surface (even those that make me cringe), growl, throw things.  Is this the terrible 2's? 

I mean there are many times he is sweet and cuddly and so lovely but then there are times when I think he is a gremlin and we should no longer get him wet!!! 

I just hope sooner than later I get some sort of sign or reassurance that I have not failed as a mother and that it is very normal for little boys to be hellions when they are toddlers and not grow up to be cereal killers!

Siblings

This week my sister got a great promotion with such promotion it means she is probably headed to the opposite coast this Spring.  While I am happy for her I found myself choked up and teary that she will be leaving.  It is not that I see her all the time and that we are sooo close but frankly the idea of her being just a drive away was always comforting.  Now she will be 3 hours behind and one heck of a plane ride with a one year old.  It is weird to think that she is going back to where she sees as home just as I am finding home here in FL. We were all born in California but to me I never thought of it as home it was just where Grandma and Grandpa lived and at one point my Dad. 

My Mom mentioned the other day that this may be the last Christmas we can all get together as we are all really following our dreams and hearts right now and fulfilling dreams. My other sister had intended on coming in for Christmas but in the last minute they have decided to stay home and have a family Christmas with their kids and make special memories of their own.  I totally get this but have to admit that for the first time in a while I am reminded that I am an adult and we all have our own families and wants and needs. 

I look back on our holiday traditions with a happy heart.  There were days of John Denver and the muppets singing carols, nights of performing the night before Christmas, giggles of glee waiting to attend midnight mass and of course new jammies on Christmas Eve.  While the traditions grew and changed over the years with age, divorce, and life we still seemed to have little things that drew us together. 

Tonight while cuddling B before bed he fell asleep on me for the first time in a long time and I just laid there and breathed him in.  When I was first pregnant with him I only wanted one child but over the past few months my mind and heart have changed and tonight I was reminded of how much I wanted him to have siblings.  I thought about the giggles over waiting for Santa and the smiles as him and a sibling shook their presents under the tree.  I let my mind wander to the days of him and a sibling putting on a holiday show for the family or the race to see who gets to the tree first.  The moments of getting dressed up to go to Christmas service just seem like they would be more complete with more than just B.

While I knew my sister dreamed of heading back to the west coast I am not sure I ever thought it would happen.  But that is the funny thing about dreams they are goals some attainable and some not.  I realized that mine are changing just as hers are. 

So here I am most likely saying goodbye to my sibling accept for the occasional visit while I am praying that we can give B a sibling to grow up with~full circle.