This holiday season we decided to change it up. With listing the house and having so much going on in real life so to speak we celebrated more by recognizing the Word and guidance of the Lord than anything else. We only got a 2.5 foot tree and had minimal decorations just so we didn't have to pack up a ton or offend any potential buyers. While it was weird to not get out all the lights and decor it still turned out to be a wonderful time of celebrating.
Hubby has been off work since the 23rd so family time has been plentiful. B seems to really be enjoying his time with Mommy and Daddy. We decided to do the Christmas celebrations separate this year. On Friday we went to Hubs Aunts house and made cookies that his Great Grandmother made. It was fun and low key. We also did a gift exchange. I had so much fun picking out their gifts that I was excited and hopeful they would love everything and sure enough they did. I got spoiled this year from them. They said it was for the both of us but really it was for me. I ended up with a Keurig which is something I have wanted for years. Our Aunt also spoiled me with anything I had mentioned liking in the last few months. It has been years since opening presents like that and while I don't need it alot it was fun.
On Christmas Eve we went to my parents house. That is always fun. The night consists of my family, my sister and her husband and Mom and Step Dad. We didn't do huge gifts this year as we are moving and so is my sister so my Mom just made sure we were set with a New Years gift pack and moolah. B on the other hand was in heaven with an anamatronic rocking horse! The sucker neighs and trots and wags it's tail and even shakes its head. He will only ride it a little bit but I do believe they are already fast friends. Of course dinner was amazing and everyone pigged out. I even got to be entertained by my sister who had a little too much wine. It has been years since I saw her like that truly brought me back!!
On Christmas morning we opened a few presents for B and then took our time getting ready to head out for dinner at Le Cellier and Candlelight Processional in Epcot. We decided that this year was the year we did what we wanted to and were not going to worry about pleasing others. It was well worth it once we finally got into dinner. The meal was divine and lived up to it's reputation. Of course the Processional was lovely and something that must be experienced for any Disney lover. Between the Christmas Story being read by Blaire Underwood and the amazing symphony and singers I was a blubbering mess. B loved the parts he was awake for and we just enjoyed some very special family time.
The weekend was rounded off on Monday with a quick lunch celebration with Hubs parents and grandparents. We see them more often so it was a little shorter. And much of the same drama as always we were happy to just enjoy a short afternoon focused on B and his new toys.
The house was not decorated, the tree not as big as usual, the presents were not as plentiful from me and Hubby but it was by far one of my favorite Christmas's I can think of. While we did not end up at Church as we did the processional instead it was a holiday truly filled with the Lord and the Lord's voice, presence and celebration. We had just enough family to remind us we are blessed but not so much that you are pulling your hair out. It really felt like our first family Christmas!
I can honestly say I will always look back at the holiday season of 2011 with a smile and love but I am really looking forward to the Christmas's to come in our new town, with our new community, church and traditions!!!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
A Lost Week
I feel like I have lost an entire week and frankly I probably have! An entire week I will never get back I will never get to know what would have come of that week and what glorious things could have been accomplished as I was too busy trying to take care of a 1 year old and my sick man child.
Don't get me wrong I am not trying to bash my husband or complain about him but this whole man getting sick thing just makes your life stand still. It was a cold not the flu or strep but a cold. The first day when he said he had a cough you would have thought the world was coming to an end. He literally had me in stitches as he proceeded to tell me that it was not just a cough but a sore throat. I mentally noted the day the cold started and thank goodness had recently read somewhere that a cold takes 7 days and there is not much you can do for it other than let it run its course so needless to say at day 2 I was already reaching for day 7.
I would ask him to go get the baby or do something with B and he kept saying but I have a cold or I can't give him the germs. And of course like most people I followed it with but when I was sick.... I did let him get extra rest and made him food but beyond that I was just not too patient. There was nights I felt like a bad wife as I giggled when he thought he was dying because finally it was draining and he went through a box of tissues. But that quickly went away when I remembered the one time I had been knock down drag out sick for a day and I still found myself changing a poopy diaper that night.
For the most part he is much better at babying me when I don't feel good I will give him that but holy cow they are not kidding when they say that men take sickness like a baby. I am so glad he did not remember the segment on The Today Show that talked about men taking it harder because of hormones or something. I mean me vs. The Today show, I so would have lost that debate! Instead he just complained and embellished his I am so sick voice when he answered the phone and I took care of B hoping that somehow even though he is male that he will not inherit this "I am dying" drama when he has the common cold.
Now we are rounding the end of the seven day invader of our lives I realize that I too can no longer blame the cold! Shhhh I think I was doing it too. I mean we had so many plans over this past weekend and only 1 thing got done. Our days did not start till 1-2pm and I really didn't care. B did not bathe all weekend and his meals should have been a little more round but I pretended in my head that I had to take care of hubby to excuse this. The groceries were grabbed quickly and only the necessities at that. I think we all needed the break and his cold was a perfect excuse although I will never admit it to him.
The sheets have been washed, house sanitized and me relieved that the cold is almost gone as I only feel like taking care of one baby with all we have going on right now. Go figure after all my not babying him I wasn't feeling good this morning and I was met with much more compassion than I showed him. I felt bad again till my stuffiness was met with yet another dirty diaper and then a do you need anything to feel better?
Ahh the life of being a Mom!
Don't get me wrong I am not trying to bash my husband or complain about him but this whole man getting sick thing just makes your life stand still. It was a cold not the flu or strep but a cold. The first day when he said he had a cough you would have thought the world was coming to an end. He literally had me in stitches as he proceeded to tell me that it was not just a cough but a sore throat. I mentally noted the day the cold started and thank goodness had recently read somewhere that a cold takes 7 days and there is not much you can do for it other than let it run its course so needless to say at day 2 I was already reaching for day 7.
I would ask him to go get the baby or do something with B and he kept saying but I have a cold or I can't give him the germs. And of course like most people I followed it with but when I was sick.... I did let him get extra rest and made him food but beyond that I was just not too patient. There was nights I felt like a bad wife as I giggled when he thought he was dying because finally it was draining and he went through a box of tissues. But that quickly went away when I remembered the one time I had been knock down drag out sick for a day and I still found myself changing a poopy diaper that night.
For the most part he is much better at babying me when I don't feel good I will give him that but holy cow they are not kidding when they say that men take sickness like a baby. I am so glad he did not remember the segment on The Today Show that talked about men taking it harder because of hormones or something. I mean me vs. The Today show, I so would have lost that debate! Instead he just complained and embellished his I am so sick voice when he answered the phone and I took care of B hoping that somehow even though he is male that he will not inherit this "I am dying" drama when he has the common cold.
Now we are rounding the end of the seven day invader of our lives I realize that I too can no longer blame the cold! Shhhh I think I was doing it too. I mean we had so many plans over this past weekend and only 1 thing got done. Our days did not start till 1-2pm and I really didn't care. B did not bathe all weekend and his meals should have been a little more round but I pretended in my head that I had to take care of hubby to excuse this. The groceries were grabbed quickly and only the necessities at that. I think we all needed the break and his cold was a perfect excuse although I will never admit it to him.
The sheets have been washed, house sanitized and me relieved that the cold is almost gone as I only feel like taking care of one baby with all we have going on right now. Go figure after all my not babying him I wasn't feeling good this morning and I was met with much more compassion than I showed him. I felt bad again till my stuffiness was met with yet another dirty diaper and then a do you need anything to feel better?
Ahh the life of being a Mom!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Siblings
This week my sister got a great promotion with such promotion it means she is probably headed to the opposite coast this Spring. While I am happy for her I found myself choked up and teary that she will be leaving. It is not that I see her all the time and that we are sooo close but frankly the idea of her being just a drive away was always comforting. Now she will be 3 hours behind and one heck of a plane ride with a one year old. It is weird to think that she is going back to where she sees as home just as I am finding home here in FL. We were all born in California but to me I never thought of it as home it was just where Grandma and Grandpa lived and at one point my Dad.
My Mom mentioned the other day that this may be the last Christmas we can all get together as we are all really following our dreams and hearts right now and fulfilling dreams. My other sister had intended on coming in for Christmas but in the last minute they have decided to stay home and have a family Christmas with their kids and make special memories of their own. I totally get this but have to admit that for the first time in a while I am reminded that I am an adult and we all have our own families and wants and needs.
I look back on our holiday traditions with a happy heart. There were days of John Denver and the muppets singing carols, nights of performing the night before Christmas, giggles of glee waiting to attend midnight mass and of course new jammies on Christmas Eve. While the traditions grew and changed over the years with age, divorce, and life we still seemed to have little things that drew us together.
Tonight while cuddling B before bed he fell asleep on me for the first time in a long time and I just laid there and breathed him in. When I was first pregnant with him I only wanted one child but over the past few months my mind and heart have changed and tonight I was reminded of how much I wanted him to have siblings. I thought about the giggles over waiting for Santa and the smiles as him and a sibling shook their presents under the tree. I let my mind wander to the days of him and a sibling putting on a holiday show for the family or the race to see who gets to the tree first. The moments of getting dressed up to go to Christmas service just seem like they would be more complete with more than just B.
While I knew my sister dreamed of heading back to the west coast I am not sure I ever thought it would happen. But that is the funny thing about dreams they are goals some attainable and some not. I realized that mine are changing just as hers are.
So here I am most likely saying goodbye to my sibling accept for the occasional visit while I am praying that we can give B a sibling to grow up with~full circle.
My Mom mentioned the other day that this may be the last Christmas we can all get together as we are all really following our dreams and hearts right now and fulfilling dreams. My other sister had intended on coming in for Christmas but in the last minute they have decided to stay home and have a family Christmas with their kids and make special memories of their own. I totally get this but have to admit that for the first time in a while I am reminded that I am an adult and we all have our own families and wants and needs.
I look back on our holiday traditions with a happy heart. There were days of John Denver and the muppets singing carols, nights of performing the night before Christmas, giggles of glee waiting to attend midnight mass and of course new jammies on Christmas Eve. While the traditions grew and changed over the years with age, divorce, and life we still seemed to have little things that drew us together.
Tonight while cuddling B before bed he fell asleep on me for the first time in a long time and I just laid there and breathed him in. When I was first pregnant with him I only wanted one child but over the past few months my mind and heart have changed and tonight I was reminded of how much I wanted him to have siblings. I thought about the giggles over waiting for Santa and the smiles as him and a sibling shook their presents under the tree. I let my mind wander to the days of him and a sibling putting on a holiday show for the family or the race to see who gets to the tree first. The moments of getting dressed up to go to Christmas service just seem like they would be more complete with more than just B.
While I knew my sister dreamed of heading back to the west coast I am not sure I ever thought it would happen. But that is the funny thing about dreams they are goals some attainable and some not. I realized that mine are changing just as hers are.
So here I am most likely saying goodbye to my sibling accept for the occasional visit while I am praying that we can give B a sibling to grow up with~full circle.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
There is No Place Like Home...Finally
For so long I want FL to feel like home and it just didn't. Don't get me wrong I know home is where your heart is blah blah blah but my while my heart loved my family I just never felt content here. I tried many times to find it in family, friends, church, work and then my son but something was just off. It is like I could be 99% happy but that 1% would just haunt me.
I knew I was responsible for my moods or reactions to situations both with my husband and everyone else yet somehow it was always everyone's fault that I was not all smiles all the time. Realistically I know you can not always be happy but being miserable more times than not needed to change. Thus I took control of my life, well all the things I could that is.
Friends were evaluated, where I spent my time was more closely monitored and I allowed myself to say yes to what I really wanted to and no to those activities and things I did not want to take part in. I finally stood up for my beliefs and did not shy away when challenged with someone's ideals or opinions.
And now here I sit happy with what is going on in my life. Happy that while I know I am not in all over control I am in control of many aspects in my life. It is funny that when I started speaking up and sticking up for my family and our beliefs some people left and well others are still trying to figure out what it means for the future of our relationships. My family has become my priority and our needs and wants come before friends and in-laws and I could not be more excited for what this means in our future.
It took my husbands holiday work party for me to figure out that my life had changed just by acknowledging my moods, my wants and my needs. I dreaded going to the party. Last year it just was not fun and I felt out of place. Not to mention fat and bloated with a 3 month at home.
But this year I had confidence like no other. I felt pretty, I was interested in the people and what they had to say. I laughed and ate and I was merry! And heck I did not even have a cocktail. I felt so at home with the people, there was no fake smiles or polite laughter there was just me. Well and of course hubby! And at the end of the night there was even B when I brought him down at the end of the night.
We drove home that night so we could let B sleep in his own bed and I felt light and happy to be here, to be in FL. I thought it may be short lived until Sunday I found myself telling hubs that I was happy to be here that I felt like I finally had genuine friends, relationships that I wanted with family and a home. That's right I finally feel like I have a home!
Yep I am still moving to my small town but the house wont matter because I am finally home.
I knew I was responsible for my moods or reactions to situations both with my husband and everyone else yet somehow it was always everyone's fault that I was not all smiles all the time. Realistically I know you can not always be happy but being miserable more times than not needed to change. Thus I took control of my life, well all the things I could that is.
Friends were evaluated, where I spent my time was more closely monitored and I allowed myself to say yes to what I really wanted to and no to those activities and things I did not want to take part in. I finally stood up for my beliefs and did not shy away when challenged with someone's ideals or opinions.
And now here I sit happy with what is going on in my life. Happy that while I know I am not in all over control I am in control of many aspects in my life. It is funny that when I started speaking up and sticking up for my family and our beliefs some people left and well others are still trying to figure out what it means for the future of our relationships. My family has become my priority and our needs and wants come before friends and in-laws and I could not be more excited for what this means in our future.
It took my husbands holiday work party for me to figure out that my life had changed just by acknowledging my moods, my wants and my needs. I dreaded going to the party. Last year it just was not fun and I felt out of place. Not to mention fat and bloated with a 3 month at home.
But this year I had confidence like no other. I felt pretty, I was interested in the people and what they had to say. I laughed and ate and I was merry! And heck I did not even have a cocktail. I felt so at home with the people, there was no fake smiles or polite laughter there was just me. Well and of course hubby! And at the end of the night there was even B when I brought him down at the end of the night.
We drove home that night so we could let B sleep in his own bed and I felt light and happy to be here, to be in FL. I thought it may be short lived until Sunday I found myself telling hubs that I was happy to be here that I felt like I finally had genuine friends, relationships that I wanted with family and a home. That's right I finally feel like I have a home!
Yep I am still moving to my small town but the house wont matter because I am finally home.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Tired
This week has been insane to say the least. We have so much going on between listing and cleaning and hubs work and my work oh and let us not forget that little monkey running around here. Don't get me wrong I know how blessed we are but my goodness can I negotiate one morning to sleep in.
I mean B could just get himself up. I will gladly leave out something for him to munch on and even a sippy cup of water and he can just fend for himself?!?! I know I have a husband that should in theory give me a morning off but, well, ummmm, ya that is just not gonna happen right now. And being that he just got a promotion like 2 days ago he kind of can play that card this weekend! Lets be real though if he even tried I would hear them and worry or feel like I am missing out and get up.
Today was so jam packed I am not sure how I am staring at this screen it is not even over yet I am just waiting for B to fall deep asleep so I can finish what I need to around the house. I am that mom who used to be able to allow her son to cry it out but tonight with how tired I am I would give in in lets estimate 2 minutes so I am hiding out in my bedroom till it is safe.
The house is probably as clean if not cleaner than when I was nesting waiting for B. I look around and love it but know that it is not going to be ours soon. My Mom teased that our living room and dining room will sell this house and she just may be right. I stood in the foyer staring at them the other night and just thought wow this looks great it will sell the house. Fingers crossed it and the rest of the rooms sell it I mean we are in the land of you should not list your house aka Florida!
Tomorrow will be so bitter sweet the home we brought our son home to will be listed. I am so excited yet scared for what all this means! I heard today that it is usually a good thing when you have to push and challenge yourself to do something because usually it means you are growing and following a dream and I have decided that is us right now. Our realtor has every confidence we will sell and with my knowledge and career I agree just by looking at our immediate market. There is moments that I wonder will I be sadder if it does sell quickly or if it doesn't!
You know while cleaning and working and running errands today I was so consumed with thoughts of what if's that I do not even think I took more than 5 minutes to enjoy my family. That is not good I need to just let go and let God and have faith there is a reason we are being pulled to our new little town and home!
It's days like today and weeks like this week that remind me that life is full of ups and downs, sweet and sour but no matter what we will get through we just may be a little tired at times and don't even get me started on what we might look like when all is said and done! Thank goodness my boys love me unconditionally!
I mean B could just get himself up. I will gladly leave out something for him to munch on and even a sippy cup of water and he can just fend for himself?!?! I know I have a husband that should in theory give me a morning off but, well, ummmm, ya that is just not gonna happen right now. And being that he just got a promotion like 2 days ago he kind of can play that card this weekend! Lets be real though if he even tried I would hear them and worry or feel like I am missing out and get up.
Today was so jam packed I am not sure how I am staring at this screen it is not even over yet I am just waiting for B to fall deep asleep so I can finish what I need to around the house. I am that mom who used to be able to allow her son to cry it out but tonight with how tired I am I would give in in lets estimate 2 minutes so I am hiding out in my bedroom till it is safe.
The house is probably as clean if not cleaner than when I was nesting waiting for B. I look around and love it but know that it is not going to be ours soon. My Mom teased that our living room and dining room will sell this house and she just may be right. I stood in the foyer staring at them the other night and just thought wow this looks great it will sell the house. Fingers crossed it and the rest of the rooms sell it I mean we are in the land of you should not list your house aka Florida!
Tomorrow will be so bitter sweet the home we brought our son home to will be listed. I am so excited yet scared for what all this means! I heard today that it is usually a good thing when you have to push and challenge yourself to do something because usually it means you are growing and following a dream and I have decided that is us right now. Our realtor has every confidence we will sell and with my knowledge and career I agree just by looking at our immediate market. There is moments that I wonder will I be sadder if it does sell quickly or if it doesn't!
You know while cleaning and working and running errands today I was so consumed with thoughts of what if's that I do not even think I took more than 5 minutes to enjoy my family. That is not good I need to just let go and let God and have faith there is a reason we are being pulled to our new little town and home!
It's days like today and weeks like this week that remind me that life is full of ups and downs, sweet and sour but no matter what we will get through we just may be a little tired at times and don't even get me started on what we might look like when all is said and done! Thank goodness my boys love me unconditionally!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Feeling The Holidays
Because we are trying to sell our home we have limited decorations to outside and a tree only. Besides not wanting the home to feel cluttered we just do not want to have to pack it all back up when we make the move which is actually sooner than later. While the outside lights click on each night at dusk the corner for the tree has not yet been filled with greenery, ribbon and glowing lights. Yet some how this Christmas feels bigger, brighter and more giving than any I can remember.
When I take a moment and look around at all that we have and all that we can share I know that we are blessed. I know that this is what this season is all about. B is only 1 and does not know that the house should be adorned in greenery, bows and knick knacks. All he knows is that his Mom and Dad are happier and more at peace than he has ever known in his short little life. I figure that is good enough for holiday cheer, right?
We are not doing presents for each other and have limited B's to two items he needs and a few smaller ones from us and have asked people to pair up and buy larger items as he really is not into toys if they insist on buying something. While it is technically his first Christmas he is old enough to kind of understand we just want to teach him the true meaning of this holiday season. Of course the religious aspect is a given.
While all this a detour from the usual Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party and decorations throughout the home I am still enjoying and soaking in every minute of this years holiday festivities. And I must admit that I am not missing having to chase B around and pull him down from any bow or bell he can reach or for that matter can't because lets be honest the kid is half monkey!
Besides the notable differences inside the house I have noticed that this year I am all about giving. It is not that I do not give throughout the year but I think because of the economy I am wanting to do more. I am realizing that while I was worried I might be giving up a pool to move I am actually blessed to have a home much less a stinken pool! I joined a group of women bloggers who are planning on giving back all year long, I have gone through all closets and drawers and the donation pile is stacking up. I am just feeling it is time that I realize that I have so much that I do not need and use.
I have been in Fl for 7 years and always found myself complaining that it did not feel like Christmas because the trees were still green and there was no snow flurry to be found but I think most of all what I am realizing this year is that I just was not looking hard enough for the sights and sounds of what the holidays now mean to me as a wife and mom!
When I take a moment and look around at all that we have and all that we can share I know that we are blessed. I know that this is what this season is all about. B is only 1 and does not know that the house should be adorned in greenery, bows and knick knacks. All he knows is that his Mom and Dad are happier and more at peace than he has ever known in his short little life. I figure that is good enough for holiday cheer, right?
We are not doing presents for each other and have limited B's to two items he needs and a few smaller ones from us and have asked people to pair up and buy larger items as he really is not into toys if they insist on buying something. While it is technically his first Christmas he is old enough to kind of understand we just want to teach him the true meaning of this holiday season. Of course the religious aspect is a given.
While all this a detour from the usual Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party and decorations throughout the home I am still enjoying and soaking in every minute of this years holiday festivities. And I must admit that I am not missing having to chase B around and pull him down from any bow or bell he can reach or for that matter can't because lets be honest the kid is half monkey!
Besides the notable differences inside the house I have noticed that this year I am all about giving. It is not that I do not give throughout the year but I think because of the economy I am wanting to do more. I am realizing that while I was worried I might be giving up a pool to move I am actually blessed to have a home much less a stinken pool! I joined a group of women bloggers who are planning on giving back all year long, I have gone through all closets and drawers and the donation pile is stacking up. I am just feeling it is time that I realize that I have so much that I do not need and use.
I have been in Fl for 7 years and always found myself complaining that it did not feel like Christmas because the trees were still green and there was no snow flurry to be found but I think most of all what I am realizing this year is that I just was not looking hard enough for the sights and sounds of what the holidays now mean to me as a wife and mom!
Monday, December 5, 2011
I Thought I Knew But Now I Really Know
As I reached up put my foot in the stirrup and threw my right leg over the saddle I had a rush of familiarity. I knew that I had felt something was missing for years and in that moment on the horse I just knew we were making the right decision.
Two years ago we bought a home that I imagined I would be raising my family in but even when we signed the papers I just was not sure. Don't get me wrong I loved the home and the finishes etc. but I did not have the butterflies or rush that most first time buyers or really any buyers talked about. I figured it was just emotions and feeling overwhelmed so I signed and moved in. But after having B and really talking it out with hubby we are in agreement it is time to go.
I grew up in a small town and no matter how much I hated it as a teenager I have missed it since I left. I have searched state by state looking for a small town with small schools and even those infamous nosy people that the towns are known for. I had a list of towns near my husbands branches of his company but he just never seemed on board. Well that was until I found a small town just up the turnpike from where we are now.
It is that town that you drive through and almost miss or that you stop for lunch in and think I could live here. We are going from your stereotypical FL home with a pool and palm trees to a 2.5 acre property with trees and backing a National Forest. As of right now I would say we are 98% in, the other 2% is filled with fear and emotions and questions of is this right. But at this moment we are moving toward the ultimate goal.
I rode Snow the horse around for less than 20 minutes that afternoon as I was nervous that I was loving it too much. Hubby and B watched from the fence line. As I could hear B's screams in the distance I took a few deep breaths knowing that we are in this as a family and that no matter how scary this all gets we are a team. I made my way through the trees guiding her back to her next rider all while keeping my eyes my family. I knew in that moment that for the first time in a long time all felt right with my world.
Two years ago we bought a home that I imagined I would be raising my family in but even when we signed the papers I just was not sure. Don't get me wrong I loved the home and the finishes etc. but I did not have the butterflies or rush that most first time buyers or really any buyers talked about. I figured it was just emotions and feeling overwhelmed so I signed and moved in. But after having B and really talking it out with hubby we are in agreement it is time to go.
I grew up in a small town and no matter how much I hated it as a teenager I have missed it since I left. I have searched state by state looking for a small town with small schools and even those infamous nosy people that the towns are known for. I had a list of towns near my husbands branches of his company but he just never seemed on board. Well that was until I found a small town just up the turnpike from where we are now.
It is that town that you drive through and almost miss or that you stop for lunch in and think I could live here. We are going from your stereotypical FL home with a pool and palm trees to a 2.5 acre property with trees and backing a National Forest. As of right now I would say we are 98% in, the other 2% is filled with fear and emotions and questions of is this right. But at this moment we are moving toward the ultimate goal.
I rode Snow the horse around for less than 20 minutes that afternoon as I was nervous that I was loving it too much. Hubby and B watched from the fence line. As I could hear B's screams in the distance I took a few deep breaths knowing that we are in this as a family and that no matter how scary this all gets we are a team. I made my way through the trees guiding her back to her next rider all while keeping my eyes my family. I knew in that moment that for the first time in a long time all felt right with my world.
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