The thing about parenting is you get to have another go at it if you have more than one child. With B I wanted to do so many things that did not happen.
I wanted to breast feed heck I though I was till he was losing weight and after many consultations with an LC and nurses and frankly Dr's it was determined he could not deep suck and I was not producing much. I wanted to cloth diaper or at least do inserts but my precious baby had one sensitive bootie and penis because he screamed anytime they were on till I took them off. I was going to do attachment parenting but we just didn't make it out enough to worry about it. And he slept through the night at 8 weeks so all that drama was avoided.
Cosleeping really never crossed my mind as my husband sleeps so sound I am not sure if it would be our safest option. Plus I am so intent on knowing what is going on I would probably not sleep at all as I would be counting his breaths etc.
I did not know about BLW thus it was not an option but I do think it makes a lot of sense looking back. And I do plan on trying it with #2.
I have friends who had the opportunity to do all these things with their baby and still are doing them and I am sometimes green with envy but other times I am grateful I just rolled with the punches as if I hadn't the challenges would have been that much greater.
I have learned a ton just moving and being alone with my thoughts and influences. I realized society plays a huge roll on how and when I gave up on certain tasks with B. While I do not think he turned out any different with the choices we made I am so grateful to be part of a community now that supports and teaches each other. This way when I have the issues that will surely arise I will know how to deal with them and maybe with a little less roll over and take it attitude.
Our household is slowly turning into a less toys more imagination. Less new more vintage, used or just flat out antique. Worries of baths and bacteria have been replaced with no shoes and splashing in puddles. We have always done organic but the needs and wants of our whole family has changed. That's not to say we don't make a run to Checkers every now and then.
I like that my style has changed with B and I love that I am inspired by some new lovely ladies who do things very different than I ever thought I would but actually love. And mostly I love that they all accept us as we are! I was nervous to ask opinions or tell my story or even to post my family photo to them but no one batted an eyelash!
With #2 things will be very different as they already are with B. I am excited for when the day comes that we will announce the baby, how we will approach the pregnancy, the birth, the newborn stage and so on. I guess in some ways I see it as a do over or another shot but all in all it just means....
They teach us as much as we teach them.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Memories
I was washing my hands last night in the bathroom in front of the mirror in the dark and my mind immediately wandered to being a young girl who was deathly scared of bloody mary. I can remember walking the halls of that elementary wondering if one of my friends would pull me in and tell me to say her name spin and do whatever it was you were supposed to do. In fact I was so scared I made my mom take the mirror out of our bedroom!
After that I just started thinking about things that trigger my memories. Suave hairspray takes me back yo my sister doing my hair or getting ready in the apartment in California when we would visit my Dad in the summer. Vegetable trays and cheeseballs were at every Thanksgiving. Goulosh triggers an awful one of a huge bowl of that stuff that I swear we ate for days.
We all have triggers for our past for our memories good and bad. I love the obvious ones such as songs and movies or even the events of "where were you when?" but its the subtle ones I enjoy most. Just walking outside with my son on a day that I could feel the ocean in the air took me back to a familiar feeling but not knowing what it was. I called my Mom and she reminded me it felt like that in San Diego when we visited our Grandparents and here I was passing it on to B.
I hope that over the next 18 years or so (he can stay longer if he wants) I will be able to create some of those moments for B as well as creating more of my own for when he is not around. I hope that he will find a favorite food he liked the smell of so he always has a sense of home. That a particular cleaner, even if it is the vinegar, reminds him that we always tried to have fun but knew we also had to clean up our messes.
I hope when he dates that one person who may happen to use my brand of shampoo he will remember the many hugs and moments nestled on my shoulder. They grow so fast and create such a path that we can only hope to steal a little part of all their wonderful memories.
I know there will be bad memories just like the ones I have but I am not going to lie and say I will not do everything in my power to protect him from them or atleast to over ride them with good ones! It's in the moments that we just catch a glimpse of a photo or a smell of something that we realize where we came from and although it molded us we can still forge our own path.
I don't think hubby has as many memory kickstarts as I do but the ones he does have I have heard over and over. He is so proud of the carrots he fed to the horses or that he made machine cookies. I often think to myself when I hear those same memories over and over that I hope I can create more for B. That his life right now is something he will cherish and adore unlike his father.
I did not have a perfect childhood heck a $1 reminds me of swiss cake rolls from the corner store that could last a week! But what I do have is a lot of them. I hope B's kaleidoscope of memories becomes full and varied and then I will know that I did a good job.
After that I just started thinking about things that trigger my memories. Suave hairspray takes me back yo my sister doing my hair or getting ready in the apartment in California when we would visit my Dad in the summer. Vegetable trays and cheeseballs were at every Thanksgiving. Goulosh triggers an awful one of a huge bowl of that stuff that I swear we ate for days.
We all have triggers for our past for our memories good and bad. I love the obvious ones such as songs and movies or even the events of "where were you when?" but its the subtle ones I enjoy most. Just walking outside with my son on a day that I could feel the ocean in the air took me back to a familiar feeling but not knowing what it was. I called my Mom and she reminded me it felt like that in San Diego when we visited our Grandparents and here I was passing it on to B.
I hope that over the next 18 years or so (he can stay longer if he wants) I will be able to create some of those moments for B as well as creating more of my own for when he is not around. I hope that he will find a favorite food he liked the smell of so he always has a sense of home. That a particular cleaner, even if it is the vinegar, reminds him that we always tried to have fun but knew we also had to clean up our messes.
I hope when he dates that one person who may happen to use my brand of shampoo he will remember the many hugs and moments nestled on my shoulder. They grow so fast and create such a path that we can only hope to steal a little part of all their wonderful memories.
I know there will be bad memories just like the ones I have but I am not going to lie and say I will not do everything in my power to protect him from them or atleast to over ride them with good ones! It's in the moments that we just catch a glimpse of a photo or a smell of something that we realize where we came from and although it molded us we can still forge our own path.
I don't think hubby has as many memory kickstarts as I do but the ones he does have I have heard over and over. He is so proud of the carrots he fed to the horses or that he made machine cookies. I often think to myself when I hear those same memories over and over that I hope I can create more for B. That his life right now is something he will cherish and adore unlike his father.
I did not have a perfect childhood heck a $1 reminds me of swiss cake rolls from the corner store that could last a week! But what I do have is a lot of them. I hope B's kaleidoscope of memories becomes full and varied and then I will know that I did a good job.
Monday, February 27, 2012
What a Difference
I was cleaning up the house today and thought back over the last year of my life. So much has happened and so much has changed. I don't just mean physically but mentally as well. I am not saying life is perfect but it perfectly imperfect right now.
I am a tell it like it is person and many I know can not stand it yet some how it is this very trait that has really helped me prosper in our little world. I talk more than most, point out when relationships are and aren't working, announce my triumphs and whisper my failures. While this has driven some away it has brought many closer. I love interaction and I love a debate so over the last year if I was met with silence I would either let it roll off or just know that me and that individual are in different spaces. And that includes hubby.
Through this honesty with myself and those around me I am a much happier much more content individual. I took some time in the last year or so to evaluate my needs as a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend and even a believer! The results are nothing short of a happier and healthier me. I really think we all go through phases in life and with them comes different people from those you interact with daily to even those bagging your groceries.
By being honest and confronting the persona we had created as a family we realized we were just not happy as could be in our old environment! Just the sheer smile on our faces and change of weekly activities have reflected that. I do believe that PPD and PTSD after birth played a major part of catapulting me into voicing my concerns with our lifestyle to hubby. Go figure nothing like almost dying and almost losing your baby to wake you up. Or even the response from those around you to both that and to me becoming a mother.
Our family so to speak has changed, our "go to's" have changed, our zip code has changed, where we shop has changed! And now too how we live has changed. Each day is a gift and the things we have are not important. The car is not as important as it used to be (ok for me atleast hubby will always love cars :) ) and the purse I carry, ya no one could care less. I feel like I can breathe deeper and smile bigger.
To some who were just born with that innate self-esteem I envy you but for me I am just reaching my peak of take us or leave us. I am just now ok with knowing I am #5 on your list vs. fighting for #1. I am ok reciprocating what others are giving out to me. While a few years ago I was always striving to be everyone's best friend, best employee, best bargain hunter etc.
The space I am in actually that I think my family is in is the space we belong! Last night I went out with a friend for a much needed and deserved girls night out. Her husband mentioned that moms need to have fun too when she was concerned I would not accept her invitation. In just that one little sentence of his he summed up I think what a lot of mothers face daily when they just want an hour to themselves or a night out with no cares in the world. It DOES NOT make me a bad mother that I let my 18 month old son stay with his Dad for an evening. Although I do know many who would disagree with that.
There is a place for everyone in this world I am definitely being reminded that in my town made up of the most eclectic mix. I love that if you put two of my friends together you would be shocked they both mean just as much to me as the other. That I talk to them both frequently yet they do things so differently. That to me means I am doing it right I am loving people for who they are and not trying to force my beliefs or anything else on them. Although I am sure some may not even get along I don't care cause it's not my place to make them! But truthfully I know every single one of them could come to our house and BBQ and all would be well!
I can't believe that in such a small window we have sold our home moved out of the area and grown so much. I am baffled that hubby wants a tractor and that he talks about his boots to people. I smile that we find comfort and peace in the simplicity of our surroundings. I think it was time to get out from the influence of other people so we could find our path and our life.
We have done it and I can't wait to keep living it!
I am a tell it like it is person and many I know can not stand it yet some how it is this very trait that has really helped me prosper in our little world. I talk more than most, point out when relationships are and aren't working, announce my triumphs and whisper my failures. While this has driven some away it has brought many closer. I love interaction and I love a debate so over the last year if I was met with silence I would either let it roll off or just know that me and that individual are in different spaces. And that includes hubby.
Through this honesty with myself and those around me I am a much happier much more content individual. I took some time in the last year or so to evaluate my needs as a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend and even a believer! The results are nothing short of a happier and healthier me. I really think we all go through phases in life and with them comes different people from those you interact with daily to even those bagging your groceries.
By being honest and confronting the persona we had created as a family we realized we were just not happy as could be in our old environment! Just the sheer smile on our faces and change of weekly activities have reflected that. I do believe that PPD and PTSD after birth played a major part of catapulting me into voicing my concerns with our lifestyle to hubby. Go figure nothing like almost dying and almost losing your baby to wake you up. Or even the response from those around you to both that and to me becoming a mother.
Our family so to speak has changed, our "go to's" have changed, our zip code has changed, where we shop has changed! And now too how we live has changed. Each day is a gift and the things we have are not important. The car is not as important as it used to be (ok for me atleast hubby will always love cars :) ) and the purse I carry, ya no one could care less. I feel like I can breathe deeper and smile bigger.
To some who were just born with that innate self-esteem I envy you but for me I am just reaching my peak of take us or leave us. I am just now ok with knowing I am #5 on your list vs. fighting for #1. I am ok reciprocating what others are giving out to me. While a few years ago I was always striving to be everyone's best friend, best employee, best bargain hunter etc.
The space I am in actually that I think my family is in is the space we belong! Last night I went out with a friend for a much needed and deserved girls night out. Her husband mentioned that moms need to have fun too when she was concerned I would not accept her invitation. In just that one little sentence of his he summed up I think what a lot of mothers face daily when they just want an hour to themselves or a night out with no cares in the world. It DOES NOT make me a bad mother that I let my 18 month old son stay with his Dad for an evening. Although I do know many who would disagree with that.
There is a place for everyone in this world I am definitely being reminded that in my town made up of the most eclectic mix. I love that if you put two of my friends together you would be shocked they both mean just as much to me as the other. That I talk to them both frequently yet they do things so differently. That to me means I am doing it right I am loving people for who they are and not trying to force my beliefs or anything else on them. Although I am sure some may not even get along I don't care cause it's not my place to make them! But truthfully I know every single one of them could come to our house and BBQ and all would be well!
I can't believe that in such a small window we have sold our home moved out of the area and grown so much. I am baffled that hubby wants a tractor and that he talks about his boots to people. I smile that we find comfort and peace in the simplicity of our surroundings. I think it was time to get out from the influence of other people so we could find our path and our life.
We have done it and I can't wait to keep living it!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Oddly OK
So today is a weird day. My hubby becomes or became a biological uncle. While most people would be celebrating, heading to the hospital or waiting on the picture of the little one to be sent around we are not. It is weird I guess I never thought about the dynamics of if a family did not get along.
This battle has been a tough one. At first I pushed my hubby to try and have a relationship with his brother and that never seemed to work. Then I decided I would make an effort and form one with him. And just as that happened he met a girl who to me could not handle him having a friend in his sister in law.
Since she entered the picture the family drama has increased and our interaction with them has decreased. The relationship with all of us is non existent. After months of ups and downs and slung words and back stabbing I must say I am actually kind of relieved we have moved on.
I am not going to lie I am curious about our niece and would love to say I am happy for them but it is just so clouded with their behavior. And we know it is best that we not even attempt contact as they are bringing a new born home to hubbys grandparents who are in their 80's with health problems, can not even take care of themselves and need help from the family. We are irate about this and so is the rest of the family but everyone is walking on egg shells with them as notice I said girlfriend not wife. (enough said in their concerns of pissing her off and she leaving with the baby)
Hubby is doing really well with all of this. I think what he misses most is that they do have a younger brother and that brother used to be very close with us but because we disagree with things he does and some of his behavior he has chose to lean to Kevin more than my hubby. We get this as he is 19 and can only hope that he will one day want to be part of our lives again.
What made me realize there is little hope of reconciliation in the near future was when I asked did he want to send flowers or anything to them and he said No. See recently I had a friend give birth, she is someone I had a falling out with you could say. I had known her a long time but hubby has known her family for 20+ years. When she went into labor and we heard the news we immediately sent flowers. We wanted them to know we were happy for them and they were in our prayers. But when hubby said no to sending his brother something I realized we all choose where we want to put effort.
And right now we are not putting our effort towards them. I think we are at the point of we wish them the best have a good one versus being angry and vile. I like this space and I think that hubby does too. I know many of you are shaking your head thinking blood is thicker than any thing else and family should be our priority but our immediate family is. And our friends make up our family. I think we finally get that.
We have faith in the path we are on and the trials and tribulations we face. With that said we know that sometimes two people just don't see eye to eye or allow their significant others to run the show. We also know that add in a mother that is biased and shows favoritism and the mess gets a lot worse.
So cheers and good health to them. But a pat on the back to us for realizing we are not in control of anyone but ourselves and we are happy where we are at with all of this.
This battle has been a tough one. At first I pushed my hubby to try and have a relationship with his brother and that never seemed to work. Then I decided I would make an effort and form one with him. And just as that happened he met a girl who to me could not handle him having a friend in his sister in law.
Since she entered the picture the family drama has increased and our interaction with them has decreased. The relationship with all of us is non existent. After months of ups and downs and slung words and back stabbing I must say I am actually kind of relieved we have moved on.
I am not going to lie I am curious about our niece and would love to say I am happy for them but it is just so clouded with their behavior. And we know it is best that we not even attempt contact as they are bringing a new born home to hubbys grandparents who are in their 80's with health problems, can not even take care of themselves and need help from the family. We are irate about this and so is the rest of the family but everyone is walking on egg shells with them as notice I said girlfriend not wife. (enough said in their concerns of pissing her off and she leaving with the baby)
Hubby is doing really well with all of this. I think what he misses most is that they do have a younger brother and that brother used to be very close with us but because we disagree with things he does and some of his behavior he has chose to lean to Kevin more than my hubby. We get this as he is 19 and can only hope that he will one day want to be part of our lives again.
What made me realize there is little hope of reconciliation in the near future was when I asked did he want to send flowers or anything to them and he said No. See recently I had a friend give birth, she is someone I had a falling out with you could say. I had known her a long time but hubby has known her family for 20+ years. When she went into labor and we heard the news we immediately sent flowers. We wanted them to know we were happy for them and they were in our prayers. But when hubby said no to sending his brother something I realized we all choose where we want to put effort.
And right now we are not putting our effort towards them. I think we are at the point of we wish them the best have a good one versus being angry and vile. I like this space and I think that hubby does too. I know many of you are shaking your head thinking blood is thicker than any thing else and family should be our priority but our immediate family is. And our friends make up our family. I think we finally get that.
We have faith in the path we are on and the trials and tribulations we face. With that said we know that sometimes two people just don't see eye to eye or allow their significant others to run the show. We also know that add in a mother that is biased and shows favoritism and the mess gets a lot worse.
So cheers and good health to them. But a pat on the back to us for realizing we are not in control of anyone but ourselves and we are happy where we are at with all of this.
I Was Tagged
Jen over at Caved In tagged me to answer these questions so I am thrilled to answer them. I am not sure if she really wanted to hear the answers or just because she knows I am a dork and will play along but either way I am in!
1. I started my blog because...
I have started several blogs. I got rid of one do to privacy concerns and my husband job title at the time and others I stopped because they became a full time job. This one I started and will not stop because I have a love and passion for writing. I would like to believe that I have things and experiences in my life others can relate too but beyond that it is just for my love of writing.
2. One thing I love seeing on other blogs is...
Humor, honesty, integrity
3. Something I love about blogging...
Meeting new people! Finding things that encourage me to be a better mom, person, wife whatever
4. Favorite blog posts of mine...
This blog is so new to me that I don't have one I am just loving that I am writing again.
5. Something my friends in real life know about me that I've never before mentioned on my blog...
Not too much I really am an open book in most cases. Maybe that I have really low self esteem and that it is something that I work on daily. Or that I would love to write a book one day.
6. My new favorite blogs to read are...
Caved In
Blue Eyed Bride
Really any parenting blog, real and or funny is the best for me.
7. Some things I tend to avoid talking about on my blog are..
Politics cause frankly they are controversial and I don't know enough about them!!
So after filling this out I realize I am kind of boring but oh well!
1. I started my blog because...
I have started several blogs. I got rid of one do to privacy concerns and my husband job title at the time and others I stopped because they became a full time job. This one I started and will not stop because I have a love and passion for writing. I would like to believe that I have things and experiences in my life others can relate too but beyond that it is just for my love of writing.
2. One thing I love seeing on other blogs is...
Humor, honesty, integrity
3. Something I love about blogging...
Meeting new people! Finding things that encourage me to be a better mom, person, wife whatever
4. Favorite blog posts of mine...
This blog is so new to me that I don't have one I am just loving that I am writing again.
5. Something my friends in real life know about me that I've never before mentioned on my blog...
Not too much I really am an open book in most cases. Maybe that I have really low self esteem and that it is something that I work on daily. Or that I would love to write a book one day.
6. My new favorite blogs to read are...
Caved In
Blue Eyed Bride
Really any parenting blog, real and or funny is the best for me.
7. Some things I tend to avoid talking about on my blog are..
Politics cause frankly they are controversial and I don't know enough about them!!
So after filling this out I realize I am kind of boring but oh well!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
#2?
Sometimes I picture us just being completely happy with just B and then at times I think he needs a sibling he needs a partner in crime, he needs someone to lean on. I really seem to waver on this subject a lot. Which in turn makes me think God is up there saying try all you want for #2 but you wont get it till you know. Silly I know but it makes sense in my head.
I know we are not promised another baby but I would like to believe it happened before so it can happen again. Each month that we say we are trying I find myself in that two week wait wondering if that craving or bout of nausea is a little booger growing. But then Aunt Flow comes and well the devastation sticks around for a day or so.
Hubby is having issues with his siblings right now and they are not the type that will go away over night in fact they are probably going to be here forever being the 3 of them are just very different people. He thinks a lot of it has to do with their age thus he is really antsy for our kids to be closer in age rather than farther apart. And frankly turning 32 this year has me thinking #2 should be sooner than later.
I am hoping that #2 is growing right now but only time will tell. I can even be mimicked saying I want twins. I know crazy right but I think knowing I once miscarried them I just have a place in my heart for them. Pregnancy is a funny thing you want it want it want it and then it happens and scares the crap out of you.
I know the conversations would not even be on the table if we were not ready to expand our family. I mean we have thrown around the idea for months but it was not until truly this last month we made an "effort" and even then it was not our best you could say.
I also hate the selfish feeling that goes along with trying to have a baby especially since two of my closest friends had issues having their children. They both have such poise and adoration for their boys that I feel like if I am selfish and talk to them about it they may think I am pathetic to say the least. And the funny thing is I talk to both of them almost daily but they don't even know we are "trying". (they will now)
You know I just wrote out trying and it made me realize that its a weird term. A term that I do not think fits us right now. What we are is wanting to grow our family. We are doing the necessary things to grow the family and have laid it at Gods feet and thanked him daily for our wonderful family and for knowing it will grow somehow some day. So I don't think I should refer to it as trying but rather trusting.
I have had miscarriages in the past and B was a total emergency that almost made us lose not only him but myself so needless to say I am also scared to death. But next time around (hows that for positive thinking) I think I will tell people whenever I want, I will rejoice in knowing what will be will be and that God will only give us what we can handle. I don't want to be scared of the what if's or the superstitions that if I announce it early it will fail. And I surely do not want to be embarrassed if something happens.
I know we are not promised another baby but I would like to believe it happened before so it can happen again. Each month that we say we are trying I find myself in that two week wait wondering if that craving or bout of nausea is a little booger growing. But then Aunt Flow comes and well the devastation sticks around for a day or so.
Hubby is having issues with his siblings right now and they are not the type that will go away over night in fact they are probably going to be here forever being the 3 of them are just very different people. He thinks a lot of it has to do with their age thus he is really antsy for our kids to be closer in age rather than farther apart. And frankly turning 32 this year has me thinking #2 should be sooner than later.
I am hoping that #2 is growing right now but only time will tell. I can even be mimicked saying I want twins. I know crazy right but I think knowing I once miscarried them I just have a place in my heart for them. Pregnancy is a funny thing you want it want it want it and then it happens and scares the crap out of you.
I know the conversations would not even be on the table if we were not ready to expand our family. I mean we have thrown around the idea for months but it was not until truly this last month we made an "effort" and even then it was not our best you could say.
I also hate the selfish feeling that goes along with trying to have a baby especially since two of my closest friends had issues having their children. They both have such poise and adoration for their boys that I feel like if I am selfish and talk to them about it they may think I am pathetic to say the least. And the funny thing is I talk to both of them almost daily but they don't even know we are "trying". (they will now)
You know I just wrote out trying and it made me realize that its a weird term. A term that I do not think fits us right now. What we are is wanting to grow our family. We are doing the necessary things to grow the family and have laid it at Gods feet and thanked him daily for our wonderful family and for knowing it will grow somehow some day. So I don't think I should refer to it as trying but rather trusting.
I have had miscarriages in the past and B was a total emergency that almost made us lose not only him but myself so needless to say I am also scared to death. But next time around (hows that for positive thinking) I think I will tell people whenever I want, I will rejoice in knowing what will be will be and that God will only give us what we can handle. I don't want to be scared of the what if's or the superstitions that if I announce it early it will fail. And I surely do not want to be embarrassed if something happens.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
A HisTORI About My Best Friend
With all the ups and downs in life right now I thought I would just enjoy myself and talk about a friend of mine. Ok really she is not a friend that knows she is a friend but she is totally my friend.
Anyone who knows me knows I can not remember lines in movies, song titles, book names or tag lines. I don;t know tons of actors names and I am definitely very plain jane when it comes to my interest in any form of entertainment. But there is one constant that has held up through all forms of media and one woman who has been my friend through life since we were introduced all those years ago.
I am sure you have the same type of friend. One who has similarities but also differences. One that makes you giggle, cry and cringe all at the same time. Many of you may find it in a politician or world famous author or even world leader but me I found it in the mere little zip code of 90210.
Tori Spelling has been one of my best friends throughout life (no need to worry I do not stalk her and she does not know I exist). I am not going to lie I wavered sometimes to Kelly (ya ya I am referring to their characters, of course I know they are real people) but always returned right back to Donna.
I tried to be like her in character and sometimes looks. Although my Mom was so not ok with all the sun-in I doused my hair with to try and be blonde! I copied the white high slouchy socks and found a love for hoop skirts! (only a true fan will understand that one) Some how she made me feel that being different was ok, lonely yes, but ok.
She gave me permission to get lost in her world for the years that my parents divorced and money was tight. She had the boyfriend I would not find till 25. To this day I can remember all her hair styles and how she even influenced me as a young adult. I always envied that Donna could pull off red lipstick but I had a hunch it was Tori that loved it and now watching her reality show I see that she can and that she was very much true to her character.
After the 90210 phase I followed my friend to her many Lifetime movies. Oh she was scandalous but none the same she was still Tori. Sometimes sweet sometimes awkward and just trying to make it.
As her life filled with drama and rumors I totally faced my own. (No not because I am a billionaire and fighting with my family, don't be silly!) But at some moments of relocation I found peace in re runs and the familiarity of the girl who had grown to be a role model.
Throughout our relationship we have had highs and lows I mean TMZ.com did not exist and I was not able to keep up on her as I would have liked. And I did not have the money to move to CA to force our friendship so I just patiently waited for it to run its course back to what it had always been all those years ago.
And here we are! I get to visit with her weekly and read her diary's (so what if all of the world has access to them too). I find such a common thread between her world and mine in her growth and climb up to money and a fancy house and then realizing that it is not what she wants but actually wants a smaller home and land and a lovely family life.
You know that when she is doing the commentary in her show well the secret is out that she is actually talking to me over a glass of wine or better yet margarita! Some of my favorite times are those I spend in her closet helping her pack, or giggling at the bathroom door as she pees on the stick. Her experience of "poo in the puss" as she refers to it even makes me appreciate my little guy during blow outs.
Most recently she truly has helped me over the hump of following a dream and moving to a 2.5 acre property in a smaller town. And of course her experiences with Liam, Stella and Hattie have given me the confidence that I can totally handle more kids. (ok so I can try I do know she has help) And I can totally buy a chicken and pig oh and a goat just because.
Oh how I am so grateful for her friendship and honesty in my life. Dean is a little more daring than Hubby but lets just say we are working on that. I like knowing that her relationships are not perfect and that they do fight, they do bribe each other with sex and they do have brownie points.
I love being a mother and at home with B so her empire is not what I desire, ok that would be a lie! I desire to have her childrens clothing in my sons closet, her nail polish on my nails, an antique from her store in my living room (and no it is totally not weird if I kiss it daily), her jewelry draping my wrists but I do not desire to run it. (someone if you read this and know her tell her product tester right here!!! really I would be biased though so maybe not the best idea)
Ok enough bragging about my best friend because it is just not classy. Seriously I can not be the only person in America that has a fond friendship with someone who does not know they exist,?!?! Oh crap or am I?
(you know I just wrote that last sentence so you all don't think I am crazy, right. She totally is my best friend.)
Anyone who knows me knows I can not remember lines in movies, song titles, book names or tag lines. I don;t know tons of actors names and I am definitely very plain jane when it comes to my interest in any form of entertainment. But there is one constant that has held up through all forms of media and one woman who has been my friend through life since we were introduced all those years ago.
I am sure you have the same type of friend. One who has similarities but also differences. One that makes you giggle, cry and cringe all at the same time. Many of you may find it in a politician or world famous author or even world leader but me I found it in the mere little zip code of 90210.
Tori Spelling has been one of my best friends throughout life (no need to worry I do not stalk her and she does not know I exist). I am not going to lie I wavered sometimes to Kelly (ya ya I am referring to their characters, of course I know they are real people) but always returned right back to Donna.
I tried to be like her in character and sometimes looks. Although my Mom was so not ok with all the sun-in I doused my hair with to try and be blonde! I copied the white high slouchy socks and found a love for hoop skirts! (only a true fan will understand that one) Some how she made me feel that being different was ok, lonely yes, but ok.
She gave me permission to get lost in her world for the years that my parents divorced and money was tight. She had the boyfriend I would not find till 25. To this day I can remember all her hair styles and how she even influenced me as a young adult. I always envied that Donna could pull off red lipstick but I had a hunch it was Tori that loved it and now watching her reality show I see that she can and that she was very much true to her character.
After the 90210 phase I followed my friend to her many Lifetime movies. Oh she was scandalous but none the same she was still Tori. Sometimes sweet sometimes awkward and just trying to make it.
As her life filled with drama and rumors I totally faced my own. (No not because I am a billionaire and fighting with my family, don't be silly!) But at some moments of relocation I found peace in re runs and the familiarity of the girl who had grown to be a role model.
Throughout our relationship we have had highs and lows I mean TMZ.com did not exist and I was not able to keep up on her as I would have liked. And I did not have the money to move to CA to force our friendship so I just patiently waited for it to run its course back to what it had always been all those years ago.
And here we are! I get to visit with her weekly and read her diary's (so what if all of the world has access to them too). I find such a common thread between her world and mine in her growth and climb up to money and a fancy house and then realizing that it is not what she wants but actually wants a smaller home and land and a lovely family life.
You know that when she is doing the commentary in her show well the secret is out that she is actually talking to me over a glass of wine or better yet margarita! Some of my favorite times are those I spend in her closet helping her pack, or giggling at the bathroom door as she pees on the stick. Her experience of "poo in the puss" as she refers to it even makes me appreciate my little guy during blow outs.
Most recently she truly has helped me over the hump of following a dream and moving to a 2.5 acre property in a smaller town. And of course her experiences with Liam, Stella and Hattie have given me the confidence that I can totally handle more kids. (ok so I can try I do know she has help) And I can totally buy a chicken and pig oh and a goat just because.
Oh how I am so grateful for her friendship and honesty in my life. Dean is a little more daring than Hubby but lets just say we are working on that. I like knowing that her relationships are not perfect and that they do fight, they do bribe each other with sex and they do have brownie points.
I love being a mother and at home with B so her empire is not what I desire, ok that would be a lie! I desire to have her childrens clothing in my sons closet, her nail polish on my nails, an antique from her store in my living room (and no it is totally not weird if I kiss it daily), her jewelry draping my wrists but I do not desire to run it. (someone if you read this and know her tell her product tester right here!!! really I would be biased though so maybe not the best idea)
Ok enough bragging about my best friend because it is just not classy. Seriously I can not be the only person in America that has a fond friendship with someone who does not know they exist,?!?! Oh crap or am I?
(you know I just wrote that last sentence so you all don't think I am crazy, right. She totally is my best friend.)
Friday, February 17, 2012
Still Makes Me Smile
Ok so I know I have said over and over I love this town but really I love this place!! Yesterday I had to go do some paperwork for the sale of our old house and I stopped by to see some of hubby's family. Let's just say they are some of, ok A LOT, of why we left the area. It did not go so well.
Some how through the stress of selling our house, a sick father and the drama of his family my voice came back. For years I have been respectful and reserved and smiley and all nods with them but I just had it. I was polite but I did voice my opinion and how their actions and words have affected us and OMG I felt so good.
My own Mom said that was a big NO NO as she tried not to giggle but I was granted a pass as she put it as we have so much going on. Oh that pass was worth it only I informed her it was not a pass. It was me! It was the loud opinionated girl my husband fell in love with. I was not loud nor rude I was just honest.
And you know what? After I was done I got in the car and hauled it back to our town! Our lovely little town. The town that we will raise our family in and that makes me smile daily. Oh that drive is usually long and redundant but yesterday it was a breath of fresh air!
I know that we should not boast about moving away from family but honestly sometimes if you are not blessed with the nicest or most civil of bunch than a little distance does a girl good.
I also stopped at the house we are selling yesterday and the only pause I had was in B's room. It was crazy to see such an anticipated room empty and stark but the rest of it just seemed so foreign to me. It was still pretty but it was not home. It was no longer where I wanted to lay my head and raise my family and that felt so good.
Today through the overcast and occasional rain I still find myself smiling about where we are at and how blessed we are. I finally have neighbors stopping by with treats and telling us what is happening this weekend and where the local hidden beach is!
So what if the average age here is 70 when no matter what tries to get me down I am still smiling that we have found our home!
Some how through the stress of selling our house, a sick father and the drama of his family my voice came back. For years I have been respectful and reserved and smiley and all nods with them but I just had it. I was polite but I did voice my opinion and how their actions and words have affected us and OMG I felt so good.
My own Mom said that was a big NO NO as she tried not to giggle but I was granted a pass as she put it as we have so much going on. Oh that pass was worth it only I informed her it was not a pass. It was me! It was the loud opinionated girl my husband fell in love with. I was not loud nor rude I was just honest.
And you know what? After I was done I got in the car and hauled it back to our town! Our lovely little town. The town that we will raise our family in and that makes me smile daily. Oh that drive is usually long and redundant but yesterday it was a breath of fresh air!
I know that we should not boast about moving away from family but honestly sometimes if you are not blessed with the nicest or most civil of bunch than a little distance does a girl good.
I also stopped at the house we are selling yesterday and the only pause I had was in B's room. It was crazy to see such an anticipated room empty and stark but the rest of it just seemed so foreign to me. It was still pretty but it was not home. It was no longer where I wanted to lay my head and raise my family and that felt so good.
Today through the overcast and occasional rain I still find myself smiling about where we are at and how blessed we are. I finally have neighbors stopping by with treats and telling us what is happening this weekend and where the local hidden beach is!
So what if the average age here is 70 when no matter what tries to get me down I am still smiling that we have found our home!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Facing Life
So my Dad is in ICU right now and it is just all so overwhelming. We have never been close and we are worlds away not only physically but mentally. I have had some major life experiences such as getting married, having my son, buying a home etc. but he has really been a part of none of them yet some how I just take it as it is.
Obviously it was not always like that. And what I mean is I did not always accept it, frankly, I was pretty pissed. Now it just seems that for whatever reason he and I just do not see eye to eye. He gets along with my sisters pretty well and one of them is there with him now. So whether or not he has played a huge role in my life or not he has in theirs.
I often wonder if sometimes my grief of his illnesses and knowing the outcome is grim whether it be today or in a few years is actually for my sisters. I will not know any different life unfortunately when he passes as we don't talk a ton and he just lives his life and I live mine. I wonder how all of this affects my parenting etc.
I guess I am pretty much just rambling on but I think that it is all in all good for me at this point. I mean here we are on Valentines Day and I am facing the loss of my father. I think it was about 13 years ago to date his mother passed away which I find totally creepy. But at the same time I find it kind of humbling that maybe God sent her to bring him home.
My poor sister who is there with him claims to be such a rock. But I know this is not fun for her we all actually think she bit off way more than she can chew. But the situation is here and now and we have to face every aspect of it.
I have been asked by many if I have forgiven my Dad for the issues he caused and if I talked to him about it but the honest answer is no. I do not believe he sees anything wrong with his behavior toward me and thus we will just be like we are. He is my Dad and for that I am grateful and I am grateful he got to meet and enjoy B even if it was for a short time.
I think all in all he is who he is and that is ok. He needs to make peace and I believe he will with himself, his choices, his family and so on. I pray daily he does not suffer and that he knows that whether I agree with his choices on parenting I do think he did the best he could for whatever demons he faced in other aspects of his life.
I am also grateful my sisters see him as a different man than I do. I think that it makes it easier on me to know that he was there for 2 out of the 3! Sad I know but it works in my head.
Ok I should stop rambling on and on now as I am not even sure these words will be heard but for me they make me feel better. It's like if I record it he will some how know that I am ok with the way things turned out. My life is good and I hope if worse comes to worse he will at least be an angel to my son...
Obviously it was not always like that. And what I mean is I did not always accept it, frankly, I was pretty pissed. Now it just seems that for whatever reason he and I just do not see eye to eye. He gets along with my sisters pretty well and one of them is there with him now. So whether or not he has played a huge role in my life or not he has in theirs.
I often wonder if sometimes my grief of his illnesses and knowing the outcome is grim whether it be today or in a few years is actually for my sisters. I will not know any different life unfortunately when he passes as we don't talk a ton and he just lives his life and I live mine. I wonder how all of this affects my parenting etc.
I guess I am pretty much just rambling on but I think that it is all in all good for me at this point. I mean here we are on Valentines Day and I am facing the loss of my father. I think it was about 13 years ago to date his mother passed away which I find totally creepy. But at the same time I find it kind of humbling that maybe God sent her to bring him home.
My poor sister who is there with him claims to be such a rock. But I know this is not fun for her we all actually think she bit off way more than she can chew. But the situation is here and now and we have to face every aspect of it.
I have been asked by many if I have forgiven my Dad for the issues he caused and if I talked to him about it but the honest answer is no. I do not believe he sees anything wrong with his behavior toward me and thus we will just be like we are. He is my Dad and for that I am grateful and I am grateful he got to meet and enjoy B even if it was for a short time.
I think all in all he is who he is and that is ok. He needs to make peace and I believe he will with himself, his choices, his family and so on. I pray daily he does not suffer and that he knows that whether I agree with his choices on parenting I do think he did the best he could for whatever demons he faced in other aspects of his life.
I am also grateful my sisters see him as a different man than I do. I think that it makes it easier on me to know that he was there for 2 out of the 3! Sad I know but it works in my head.
Ok I should stop rambling on and on now as I am not even sure these words will be heard but for me they make me feel better. It's like if I record it he will some how know that I am ok with the way things turned out. My life is good and I hope if worse comes to worse he will at least be an angel to my son...
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
"No" Etiquette
The other day I was at the playground with B, there was one other little boy and his grandpa. The boys played together well. The other one was a little older so as B warmed up to him he became his shadow. They climbed stairs, crawled tunnels and dived down the slides. It was wonderful to seem him interact.
Just as the other little boy was getting more comfortable with B I was getting more uncomfortable. The little boy was very touchy feely. Nothing funny just pulling B down or climbing on him if he fell or tripped. This is all new to me as B is the only boy right now and none of his play dates have consisted of this. I just let it go and really did not worry about it.
Just as I was finally realizing that I may need to relax a bit the little boy growled and stomped at B. Don't get me wrong he stomped lightly but did put his foot right on B's diaper in his crotch area. My immediate reaction was to tell the boy no. I was not stern nor loud. I just simply told him No he can not do that as B is not used to playing like that and could end up hurt or scared.
His grandpa was wonderful and pulled him away and in that moment I realized I am not sure if I did the right thing or overstepped my boundaries. It happened one more time and I again told the little boy no and explained why. His grandfather mimicked my words and told him that B was not his little brother and he could not do that.
Everything ended up fine but I have since wondered did I do something wrong in that situation. I mean I do not want to be "that" mom at the playground! I just did not like how close B was to getting hurt and not by accident or because he is just a little guy but because he does not know how to play like rough like that. I mean his Dad is more protective than me and has yet to show him wrestling or rough housing.
Maybe I should have waited for the grandfather to tell his grandson no or maybe I should have kept my mouth shut and pulled B away. Or heck maybe I should have just let them be. I mean we do hope for other kids and I know they will rough house and play and climb and growl and stomp.
I was totally prepared for the typical challenges of staying at home but holy cow this was a new one to face! I mean I have run into the little boy who pushed my son and the one that told him No this is mine, or the little girl who stole his toy but this one totally threw me off!
I am sure this is not the last playground blunder I will face but please oh please let me know how to react best for my child and myself otherwise you are all invited to the playground that I will be building in my back yard!
Just as the other little boy was getting more comfortable with B I was getting more uncomfortable. The little boy was very touchy feely. Nothing funny just pulling B down or climbing on him if he fell or tripped. This is all new to me as B is the only boy right now and none of his play dates have consisted of this. I just let it go and really did not worry about it.
Just as I was finally realizing that I may need to relax a bit the little boy growled and stomped at B. Don't get me wrong he stomped lightly but did put his foot right on B's diaper in his crotch area. My immediate reaction was to tell the boy no. I was not stern nor loud. I just simply told him No he can not do that as B is not used to playing like that and could end up hurt or scared.
His grandpa was wonderful and pulled him away and in that moment I realized I am not sure if I did the right thing or overstepped my boundaries. It happened one more time and I again told the little boy no and explained why. His grandfather mimicked my words and told him that B was not his little brother and he could not do that.
Everything ended up fine but I have since wondered did I do something wrong in that situation. I mean I do not want to be "that" mom at the playground! I just did not like how close B was to getting hurt and not by accident or because he is just a little guy but because he does not know how to play like rough like that. I mean his Dad is more protective than me and has yet to show him wrestling or rough housing.
Maybe I should have waited for the grandfather to tell his grandson no or maybe I should have kept my mouth shut and pulled B away. Or heck maybe I should have just let them be. I mean we do hope for other kids and I know they will rough house and play and climb and growl and stomp.
I was totally prepared for the typical challenges of staying at home but holy cow this was a new one to face! I mean I have run into the little boy who pushed my son and the one that told him No this is mine, or the little girl who stole his toy but this one totally threw me off!
I am sure this is not the last playground blunder I will face but please oh please let me know how to react best for my child and myself otherwise you are all invited to the playground that I will be building in my back yard!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
I Will Take Marriage Blunders For $1000
We have so much going on that it seems "us" is taking a back seat to everything else. I did not realize it till I could not answer if someone asked me the last time I kissed my husband. I know he feels just as disconnected as me but never complains.
I know moving is stressful and while we have one house under contract and we are living in another it feels like we are straddling two lives. I know we are blessed that our house is under contract and for that I am thankful but I can not wait till closing and the day we get to just concentrate on the here and now.
Yesterday was the first day I felt like I had a normal life of just playing with B, taking care of chores and just living. Rather than unpacking, calling this utility or that, turning this on and that off or whatever. I have been happy and loving the area but just ready to live here.
Hubby is stressed too. He finally was able to talk about it this weekend. With work causing stresses and the other house I think he is a typical male in his want to just fix and finish things. He is so laid back and quiet that when he breaks it takes alot.
I know we are not the only couple going through things and I know that moving anywhere is a huge stress but I forgot how much my marriage could get lost in the hustle and bustle. I have decided I was going to be conscious of some things till a little more is off our plates.
I am a yeller so that is something I am working on. I think I yell because I have such a high voice that I seem to think the only way to get through to people or sound stern is by yelling. I am also trying to let go in the morning. He always cuts it close to make it to work on time and holy cow does it drive me NUTS! But I am purposely not saying anything as frankly it does nothing for the situation at the time.
I think I could also make an effort to cuddle and connect as we get through this period of transition. He seems to be doing the same thing with me he is asking if he needs to take a day off to help me or if he can do anything else in regards to my chores.
It is hard to write all this and document all this but frankly I read many blogs and I think a lot of them do not touch on the difficulty of marriage. I know it can be a privacy issue but for me it is an issue of knowing I am not alone in the moments that it feels like I am. The moments where I stare out the window and think I am sure the couple across the street didn't disconnect when they moved in, its us only us!
I heard the other day that men need to be told exactly what you are feeling, thinking or what you want them to do. I think that is true being that it was not till I stopped snapping and started talking that we were able to communicate and figure out that we needed to support each other through all of this.
Marriage has never been easy and I am sure it never will be. But even though we are worlds apart right now I am glad we are both seeing the errors in our ways and that we miss each other. Disconnect is probably one emotion I would rather not feel. At the same time I am thankful for the reminder that I am not alone in all this.
I know moving is stressful and while we have one house under contract and we are living in another it feels like we are straddling two lives. I know we are blessed that our house is under contract and for that I am thankful but I can not wait till closing and the day we get to just concentrate on the here and now.
Yesterday was the first day I felt like I had a normal life of just playing with B, taking care of chores and just living. Rather than unpacking, calling this utility or that, turning this on and that off or whatever. I have been happy and loving the area but just ready to live here.
Hubby is stressed too. He finally was able to talk about it this weekend. With work causing stresses and the other house I think he is a typical male in his want to just fix and finish things. He is so laid back and quiet that when he breaks it takes alot.
I know we are not the only couple going through things and I know that moving anywhere is a huge stress but I forgot how much my marriage could get lost in the hustle and bustle. I have decided I was going to be conscious of some things till a little more is off our plates.
I am a yeller so that is something I am working on. I think I yell because I have such a high voice that I seem to think the only way to get through to people or sound stern is by yelling. I am also trying to let go in the morning. He always cuts it close to make it to work on time and holy cow does it drive me NUTS! But I am purposely not saying anything as frankly it does nothing for the situation at the time.
I think I could also make an effort to cuddle and connect as we get through this period of transition. He seems to be doing the same thing with me he is asking if he needs to take a day off to help me or if he can do anything else in regards to my chores.
It is hard to write all this and document all this but frankly I read many blogs and I think a lot of them do not touch on the difficulty of marriage. I know it can be a privacy issue but for me it is an issue of knowing I am not alone in the moments that it feels like I am. The moments where I stare out the window and think I am sure the couple across the street didn't disconnect when they moved in, its us only us!
I heard the other day that men need to be told exactly what you are feeling, thinking or what you want them to do. I think that is true being that it was not till I stopped snapping and started talking that we were able to communicate and figure out that we needed to support each other through all of this.
Marriage has never been easy and I am sure it never will be. But even though we are worlds apart right now I am glad we are both seeing the errors in our ways and that we miss each other. Disconnect is probably one emotion I would rather not feel. At the same time I am thankful for the reminder that I am not alone in all this.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Blessed
I am clearly aware of the state of the economy and all the troubles Americans or for that matter just people are having. But when it is not right in your face you tend to forget when you are going about your daily life. Things have not always been peachy for me but I can honestly say we are doing fine right now.
We have been lucky enough to make our own decisions regarding finances or jobs rather than them being forced on us. For this I know we are truly blessed. Coming to a small town reminded me of this and continues to do so on a daily basis.
While I used to run into SAHM's at the park I now run into them, yes, but grandparents and dads and aunts etc. They need a reminder that life will be ok. And many of them are unemployed. They are not there just letting their child run off some steam but also because they need the smiles and the fresh air they need a break.
I had a harsh reminder that we were not the norm the other day when everyone was talking about channels on the tv as our kids climbed and played. I could not follow the conversation, not only am I new the channels and stations but they were all talking about the channels that are not through cable. To me cable just is in our house. Working from home occasionally and a husband on call who works in computers means that internet is a must thus it seems cable just goes right along with it.
I left that day in aww that I had slipped into the ranks of cable is not a privilege! How was this possible? I am very aware of the hungry or the homeless but we seem to forget some of the things we are just used to others would love to have even just for a day.
We are not rich and we are not out here on a horse ranch living it up but by far we are not the norm. I keep getting asked how did we find jobs to move here and I explain my husband is now a commuter that we did not come and surpass all those in line looking for work.
No matter where you go, well I will take that back, almost everywhere you go people are thrilled to help, serve, or whatever it is they do you. They are grateful for their jobs and their opportunities. The fast food person is not frowning or a teenager who has to be there because their parents said find a job. The checker is not pissy and throwing your groceries over they are smiling and engaging in conversation.
It is something I needed something I missed. I missed the level playing field. I was taught do what you love and do it well. The money will follow or maybe it wont but as long as you are happy that is what matters and you see that here on a daily basis. More often than not you can feel that the adults are not snubbing one another because of what someone does for a living.
Now I am not going to assume the teenagers in the area have all skipped the usual better than you clique phase but what I have noticed is manners for the most part. Manners that I hope rub off on my son.
I have to admit that in my middle and high school we were among the lowest income students. It was hard when you looked around at all the things others had. Or when you went and bought swiss cake rolls because they were $.99 and lasted a whole week. But if we choose to stay here and hubby continues at his company and is blessed to keep his job for a long time our son will never know that feeling which to me is something I have always striven for.
Don't get me wrong he will know what it is like to earn, to be told no, to not be handed everything but he will hopefully not have to worry if rent will be paid or if food will be on the table.
Sometimes we think that we just want to do or go somewhere for the heck of it! So we can live in a small town or have animals. But in all reality there was just so much more to the plan than ever known. We truly are and have been blessed.
We have been lucky enough to make our own decisions regarding finances or jobs rather than them being forced on us. For this I know we are truly blessed. Coming to a small town reminded me of this and continues to do so on a daily basis.
While I used to run into SAHM's at the park I now run into them, yes, but grandparents and dads and aunts etc. They need a reminder that life will be ok. And many of them are unemployed. They are not there just letting their child run off some steam but also because they need the smiles and the fresh air they need a break.
I had a harsh reminder that we were not the norm the other day when everyone was talking about channels on the tv as our kids climbed and played. I could not follow the conversation, not only am I new the channels and stations but they were all talking about the channels that are not through cable. To me cable just is in our house. Working from home occasionally and a husband on call who works in computers means that internet is a must thus it seems cable just goes right along with it.
I left that day in aww that I had slipped into the ranks of cable is not a privilege! How was this possible? I am very aware of the hungry or the homeless but we seem to forget some of the things we are just used to others would love to have even just for a day.
We are not rich and we are not out here on a horse ranch living it up but by far we are not the norm. I keep getting asked how did we find jobs to move here and I explain my husband is now a commuter that we did not come and surpass all those in line looking for work.
No matter where you go, well I will take that back, almost everywhere you go people are thrilled to help, serve, or whatever it is they do you. They are grateful for their jobs and their opportunities. The fast food person is not frowning or a teenager who has to be there because their parents said find a job. The checker is not pissy and throwing your groceries over they are smiling and engaging in conversation.
It is something I needed something I missed. I missed the level playing field. I was taught do what you love and do it well. The money will follow or maybe it wont but as long as you are happy that is what matters and you see that here on a daily basis. More often than not you can feel that the adults are not snubbing one another because of what someone does for a living.
Now I am not going to assume the teenagers in the area have all skipped the usual better than you clique phase but what I have noticed is manners for the most part. Manners that I hope rub off on my son.
I have to admit that in my middle and high school we were among the lowest income students. It was hard when you looked around at all the things others had. Or when you went and bought swiss cake rolls because they were $.99 and lasted a whole week. But if we choose to stay here and hubby continues at his company and is blessed to keep his job for a long time our son will never know that feeling which to me is something I have always striven for.
Don't get me wrong he will know what it is like to earn, to be told no, to not be handed everything but he will hopefully not have to worry if rent will be paid or if food will be on the table.
Sometimes we think that we just want to do or go somewhere for the heck of it! So we can live in a small town or have animals. But in all reality there was just so much more to the plan than ever known. We truly are and have been blessed.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Get In, Sit Down, Shut Up
Get in, sit down and shut up! You think that I would be saying this to my 1 year old in hopes of training him early but in fact I say it to myself and even my husband some times as we get into the car now a days.
Once we moved here we were informed we are in somewhat of a snow bird town. For those of you who do not know what snow bird means it means that all the cold elderly come here to spend winter. And with them they bring their cars. Lots of them!
Now I know it is not fair of me to think that they should just fly down here and resort to public transit or to expect them to legalize golf carts out on SR 44 but some of them just don't belong behind the wheel. Thus we have implemented a new rule in the car, just deal and relax.
I am an impatient and loud person, shocker I know. And with a background in real estate that caused me to drive for years I am quick and observant and I do not do well with lollygaggers. But this all has to change or I will never be able to go out again in the months of winter.
I have decided that God put me here because I would love it but also to teach me to be patient, quiet, caring and to let go of that which we can not control. And by control he means I am not allowed to follow the little old lady to her destination and when she parks her car offer her a phone book to sit on so she can see over her steering wheel. In fact he means just enjoy the drive and know that the destination is not going anywhere it will be there whenever I get there.
Yesterday was too fun to be behind the one elderly man in FL who will drive his boat, I mean large automobile while talking on the cell phone and occupying two lanes. Come on most of them can not well prefer not to operate cell phones but no not him he had skill and showed it off.....for miles! I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I do love it here and it is worth it~ oh and they leave for the summer!
It's funny those same people who drive me batty on the road are the same ones that make me smile each day and treat B like he is the prince of this town. I guess it is a fair trade, I keep my windows rolled up and try not to cuss at you when you almost side swipe me and you ogle after my son.
I am not the only one who notices this. We were somewhere shopping when the sales man informed us that the police need to come in here and remove all the licenses of those who can not see signs, see over the steering wheel, can not hear and should not be driving. And he was very serious to boot. Me I do not need to be that harsh just use golf carts or stay off the roads when I want to use them, mmmm kay.
I am just kidding I love this place and will gladly share it with those who can not drive and should not drive. I may just say not so nice things if I am in a hurry or be counting the minutes till two lanes or one to pass you but by all means it is not because I don't like you or don't want to live amongst you! It is in fact because I am too fast for my own good and just now learning to slow down and enjoy life.
Once we moved here we were informed we are in somewhat of a snow bird town. For those of you who do not know what snow bird means it means that all the cold elderly come here to spend winter. And with them they bring their cars. Lots of them!
Now I know it is not fair of me to think that they should just fly down here and resort to public transit or to expect them to legalize golf carts out on SR 44 but some of them just don't belong behind the wheel. Thus we have implemented a new rule in the car, just deal and relax.
I am an impatient and loud person, shocker I know. And with a background in real estate that caused me to drive for years I am quick and observant and I do not do well with lollygaggers. But this all has to change or I will never be able to go out again in the months of winter.
I have decided that God put me here because I would love it but also to teach me to be patient, quiet, caring and to let go of that which we can not control. And by control he means I am not allowed to follow the little old lady to her destination and when she parks her car offer her a phone book to sit on so she can see over her steering wheel. In fact he means just enjoy the drive and know that the destination is not going anywhere it will be there whenever I get there.
Yesterday was too fun to be behind the one elderly man in FL who will drive his boat, I mean large automobile while talking on the cell phone and occupying two lanes. Come on most of them can not well prefer not to operate cell phones but no not him he had skill and showed it off.....for miles! I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I do love it here and it is worth it~ oh and they leave for the summer!
It's funny those same people who drive me batty on the road are the same ones that make me smile each day and treat B like he is the prince of this town. I guess it is a fair trade, I keep my windows rolled up and try not to cuss at you when you almost side swipe me and you ogle after my son.
I am not the only one who notices this. We were somewhere shopping when the sales man informed us that the police need to come in here and remove all the licenses of those who can not see signs, see over the steering wheel, can not hear and should not be driving. And he was very serious to boot. Me I do not need to be that harsh just use golf carts or stay off the roads when I want to use them, mmmm kay.
I am just kidding I love this place and will gladly share it with those who can not drive and should not drive. I may just say not so nice things if I am in a hurry or be counting the minutes till two lanes or one to pass you but by all means it is not because I don't like you or don't want to live amongst you! It is in fact because I am too fast for my own good and just now learning to slow down and enjoy life.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Parenting Fail??
I am not having the best of times with punishment for B. Lets just say I am the bad cop in the family and I suck at it. B is testing every limit right now and is very hyperactive. We are not sure if the hyperactivity is a phase or something deeper but we will have to just play it by ear.
So far in the last week he has broken a computer, a pair of 3D glasses and a lamp. Now I know you are thinking they should really baby proof but come on a lamp on a table does not fall under we did not baby proof. He did not throw something at it or knock it over on accident he just pulled the table down. I was so stunned I just didn't even react.
He used to be a headbutter and biter but I thought we were out of that phase till the last few days. Last night I ended up with 3 bites and the kid does not just bite and move on he bites like he is eating caramel and pulls off. Oh my reaction the first time it happened was not pretty.
Yes I spanked him on his diaper, Ugh how I did not want to be that mom. And then I sat him on the chair for time out for 1 minute. He screamed and cried through the whole ordeal seemed to get it and then I explained to him in a calm voice that he can not do that it hurts people. A few hours later he did it again.
I can not seem to think that his behavior is a reflection of my parenting. I am really starting to doubt that I am any good at this or that I should be allowed to have any more children. Even my mom said she would not want a second for me at this moment because my hands are so full with B. I am trying all different things to see what works with him and well hoping we find a solution.
I wish this was a time I could blame hubby but with him at work all day I know this falls on to me 5 out of 7 days a week. I think he gets right from wrong being that last night after punishing him he followed me around till I gave him a hug and told him it was ok.
I don't know if it is normal for an almost 17 month old to climb anything he can, destroy a room in a minute flat, prefer to feed the dogs instead of himself, head butt any surface (even those that make me cringe), growl, throw things. Is this the terrible 2's?
I mean there are many times he is sweet and cuddly and so lovely but then there are times when I think he is a gremlin and we should no longer get him wet!!!
I just hope sooner than later I get some sort of sign or reassurance that I have not failed as a mother and that it is very normal for little boys to be hellions when they are toddlers and not grow up to be cereal killers!
So far in the last week he has broken a computer, a pair of 3D glasses and a lamp. Now I know you are thinking they should really baby proof but come on a lamp on a table does not fall under we did not baby proof. He did not throw something at it or knock it over on accident he just pulled the table down. I was so stunned I just didn't even react.
He used to be a headbutter and biter but I thought we were out of that phase till the last few days. Last night I ended up with 3 bites and the kid does not just bite and move on he bites like he is eating caramel and pulls off. Oh my reaction the first time it happened was not pretty.
Yes I spanked him on his diaper, Ugh how I did not want to be that mom. And then I sat him on the chair for time out for 1 minute. He screamed and cried through the whole ordeal seemed to get it and then I explained to him in a calm voice that he can not do that it hurts people. A few hours later he did it again.
I can not seem to think that his behavior is a reflection of my parenting. I am really starting to doubt that I am any good at this or that I should be allowed to have any more children. Even my mom said she would not want a second for me at this moment because my hands are so full with B. I am trying all different things to see what works with him and well hoping we find a solution.
I wish this was a time I could blame hubby but with him at work all day I know this falls on to me 5 out of 7 days a week. I think he gets right from wrong being that last night after punishing him he followed me around till I gave him a hug and told him it was ok.
I don't know if it is normal for an almost 17 month old to climb anything he can, destroy a room in a minute flat, prefer to feed the dogs instead of himself, head butt any surface (even those that make me cringe), growl, throw things. Is this the terrible 2's?
I mean there are many times he is sweet and cuddly and so lovely but then there are times when I think he is a gremlin and we should no longer get him wet!!!
I just hope sooner than later I get some sort of sign or reassurance that I have not failed as a mother and that it is very normal for little boys to be hellions when they are toddlers and not grow up to be cereal killers!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)