This will make no sense to some and to others who know me personally will make a ton of sense. I can now be found here http://ourfrontporchstories.wordpress.com
A while back I got on to post and found myself just writing away about my past. I wanted a place to document things so I could print them out and save them. Well thanks to all those English teachers saying a title matters it seemed they just did not fit here. I also feel like I have had so many reasons to write and I would just like if there was no reason. Does that make sense? Anyways, what felt good was that I wrote and wrote and wrote. So some days I will post those old writing and some days the new day to day. But what I can promise is that this time I am writing for ONLY ME. This is a huge step in self accountability being I always wanted to write a book and then when blogging became big I wanted to be a successful blogger. No matter how I got there. Now I just want to write and create a place where I can reminisce and remember. So please join me on Our Front Porch.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Mind Dump
So I guess stepping away and getting life in order did me good. I feel like I can just finally type whatever. When I picked my title I was so worried I would have to stay within the confines of my topic but lets be real, it is my blog so who cares!
Over the last few weeks I have learned tons about myself as a sahm and just as an individual. I can remember the days of wanting the corner office in the huge skyscraper. I would have my name on the door and a view like no other. For those of you who can follow think Working Girl or Secret to My Success. Each day I am floored that I no longer dream of highrises but of birthday decorations or moms night out!
I mean I am the CEO of our home but honestly some days nothing gets done but creating a mess and keeping B alive. I have turned into that person who constantly wants things picked up and cleaned. I have never ever been that person. It drives me nuts that I am now that person almost as much as a sink full of dishes does. Thankfully hubby could care less and thinks my job is keeping B alive but man I still feel like I should have dinner done and house clean.
Not feeling well lately has so thrown a kink in my plans! Nap time is met with nap time or downtime with The Real Housewives and I never catch up till days later. I hate that. But hubby is happy if the house doesn't stink and he has clean socks. I have been ok with the socks thing but I have to confess dude totally had to wear dirty socks last week. No complaints though, gotta love him.
I am getting good at loading a dishwasher with a toddler unloading and I am a pro at knowing that each time I fill his snack cup I know half of it will be sprinkled throughout the house. I hate the days that my mood or health impacts B but we are hopefully near the end of it. Last week I think we spent more time in doors than any person should. But he was a trooper to say the least.
Life has taken some interesting turns over the last few years. My corner office is now the tub on a night I need to relax and lunch dates are at the park. I don't think in our old home this would have sufficed but where we are now I couldn't be more thrilled.
I have decided I should cut myself some slack. There are going to be days I am super Mom and get everything done and end the day with a happy and full toddler with a clean house to boot. And there are going to be days when the terrible twos win and I collapse in exhaustion while the house looks like a tornado hit it. But either way its mine and I am good with it!
Over the last few weeks I have learned tons about myself as a sahm and just as an individual. I can remember the days of wanting the corner office in the huge skyscraper. I would have my name on the door and a view like no other. For those of you who can follow think Working Girl or Secret to My Success. Each day I am floored that I no longer dream of highrises but of birthday decorations or moms night out!
I mean I am the CEO of our home but honestly some days nothing gets done but creating a mess and keeping B alive. I have turned into that person who constantly wants things picked up and cleaned. I have never ever been that person. It drives me nuts that I am now that person almost as much as a sink full of dishes does. Thankfully hubby could care less and thinks my job is keeping B alive but man I still feel like I should have dinner done and house clean.
Not feeling well lately has so thrown a kink in my plans! Nap time is met with nap time or downtime with The Real Housewives and I never catch up till days later. I hate that. But hubby is happy if the house doesn't stink and he has clean socks. I have been ok with the socks thing but I have to confess dude totally had to wear dirty socks last week. No complaints though, gotta love him.
I am getting good at loading a dishwasher with a toddler unloading and I am a pro at knowing that each time I fill his snack cup I know half of it will be sprinkled throughout the house. I hate the days that my mood or health impacts B but we are hopefully near the end of it. Last week I think we spent more time in doors than any person should. But he was a trooper to say the least.
Life has taken some interesting turns over the last few years. My corner office is now the tub on a night I need to relax and lunch dates are at the park. I don't think in our old home this would have sufficed but where we are now I couldn't be more thrilled.
I have decided I should cut myself some slack. There are going to be days I am super Mom and get everything done and end the day with a happy and full toddler with a clean house to boot. And there are going to be days when the terrible twos win and I collapse in exhaustion while the house looks like a tornado hit it. But either way its mine and I am good with it!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
It's Getting Busy
I feel like I have not sat down in months. Really this is the first time I have opened my lap top in I don't know how long and that is not common for me at all.
Easter we went to see my Dad and family and that was weird. I just don't know. While he can not talk he does have communication devices but he chose not to use them with me. Even when we informed him of new information to as simple as how was dinner.
I enjoyed seeing my family but was reminded that put 3 sisters in the same house for the first time in a few years and there will be fighting. I don't mean major fighting but your typical sibling arguments and disagreements.
This was truly the first time I was able to compare my parenting with my sisters. I have seen her in the past but it was either while they are on vacation or while my son was so young that he didn't need much parenting. We are very different and that is ok. We found ourselves in an argument over it and our styles and expectations but I just walked away and came back later. Although I think it affected the last 2 days of the trip I am proud I stuck up for myself.
I feel like we were go go go before the trip and now go go go after. We have the calendar full of appts, baby showers, birthdays and on and on and on. While I am tired and just dream of a day in my pajamas I am so grateful for what we have.
When we drove home from the airport last week I felt a peace I had not felt in months or even years. I felt like we were back home. Like our little town noticed we were gone and the silence of our street missed the screams and coos of a loud toddler. I breathed a little deeper on that trip knowing that I was excited to be home excited to see our exit and excited just to get back to our new norm.
Who new our quiet town also meant non stop friends and activity. Don't get me wrong I am loving it but I totally think Saturday calls for pj's for at least 1/2 the day~
Easter we went to see my Dad and family and that was weird. I just don't know. While he can not talk he does have communication devices but he chose not to use them with me. Even when we informed him of new information to as simple as how was dinner.
I enjoyed seeing my family but was reminded that put 3 sisters in the same house for the first time in a few years and there will be fighting. I don't mean major fighting but your typical sibling arguments and disagreements.
This was truly the first time I was able to compare my parenting with my sisters. I have seen her in the past but it was either while they are on vacation or while my son was so young that he didn't need much parenting. We are very different and that is ok. We found ourselves in an argument over it and our styles and expectations but I just walked away and came back later. Although I think it affected the last 2 days of the trip I am proud I stuck up for myself.
I feel like we were go go go before the trip and now go go go after. We have the calendar full of appts, baby showers, birthdays and on and on and on. While I am tired and just dream of a day in my pajamas I am so grateful for what we have.
When we drove home from the airport last week I felt a peace I had not felt in months or even years. I felt like we were back home. Like our little town noticed we were gone and the silence of our street missed the screams and coos of a loud toddler. I breathed a little deeper on that trip knowing that I was excited to be home excited to see our exit and excited just to get back to our new norm.
Who new our quiet town also meant non stop friends and activity. Don't get me wrong I am loving it but I totally think Saturday calls for pj's for at least 1/2 the day~
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Stuck
So life has been hectic to say the least. I am finally understanding the phrase there is not enough hours in the day. I think often about blogging but then am not sure if it matters to. I wonder at times if I should make this like a baby book type thing where I just talk about my day or if anyone cares about my day.
I have lots to say not because I am so smart or whatever but because I like to talk. But what I find hard about putting things out there on a blog is that the interaction is not guaranteed. Of course you can see stats and you have to be patient with followers but lets face it I am anything but patient which may make me doomed as a blogger.
I know friends who run successful blogs and those who do not write at all but want to and I wonder where I am in the mix. My entire life I have been a results girl and well blogging is not a fast way to see results. I would say it is more like a diet. You work at it and eventually you should see some sort of results. It may be good it may be bad.
How does one decide what they put out there or when they put it out there when it has to do with other people. I think for me I have a few favorite blogs that I seem to dwell on and wonder why my readers aren't as high as theirs never mind they have been blogging for years. I also think at times I am scared of laying it all out for everyone to see because then that means you can also judge.
While life is busy and I don't have all the time in the world I miss coming back to this place where I can just be I can just write. Maybe it is time to just dive back in and write whatever, whenever. Surely I can not be the first blogger that wonders is anyone reading does anyone even care if I stop writing.
I have lots to say not because I am so smart or whatever but because I like to talk. But what I find hard about putting things out there on a blog is that the interaction is not guaranteed. Of course you can see stats and you have to be patient with followers but lets face it I am anything but patient which may make me doomed as a blogger.
I know friends who run successful blogs and those who do not write at all but want to and I wonder where I am in the mix. My entire life I have been a results girl and well blogging is not a fast way to see results. I would say it is more like a diet. You work at it and eventually you should see some sort of results. It may be good it may be bad.
How does one decide what they put out there or when they put it out there when it has to do with other people. I think for me I have a few favorite blogs that I seem to dwell on and wonder why my readers aren't as high as theirs never mind they have been blogging for years. I also think at times I am scared of laying it all out for everyone to see because then that means you can also judge.
While life is busy and I don't have all the time in the world I miss coming back to this place where I can just be I can just write. Maybe it is time to just dive back in and write whatever, whenever. Surely I can not be the first blogger that wonders is anyone reading does anyone even care if I stop writing.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
They Teach Us
I watched B flip off the bed onto the bench and then onto the floor. He took a second shook it off moaned a little and then got up and wanted back on the bed. From there he carefully climbed down and reminded himself he knew how to get down and that he could still do it.
We can truly learn from their inability to accept defeat and failure. B is no good at just moving on from a task he can not complete. Whether it is winding up a car or climbing to reach something he wants. In the middle he may throw a fit but he will not move on until the task is complete. I know people say distract children and they will forget but with B he does not. He will eventually do whatever it is he is trying to do.
Children also seem to have a trust that could remind us how the world used to be. He will share anything with a stranger. I am not sure where he gets this from because he is not in day care but he will walk right up to you and offer you anything from a dry leaf to his favorite toy. And when you accept it he just lights up.
While in todays day and age I will have to teach him that talking to strangers is not safe it still says something about children that they trust until they have a reason not to. And lets be real most adults don't trust until they have a reason to trust.
With everything going on in my life I find it easier to complain when tired, whine when I fall and not trust unless I have to. I think many of us do this as we get settled in our ways and in our lives. But I ultimately believe that it actually paralyzes us in ways that we don't see till later on.
So many times I used to fall get up dust myself off and try again but the older I get it feels like I lay there a little while. I wallow in my pity and whatever I just failed at. I let the fear or the fall determine my next move.
As with trust it can take one family member, friend, coworker or whatever to ruin it for all those to come. And although I act like I am so open and willing to accept things I find that really I am not. Really if you hurt me well I am done, ok most times, there are a few people I give/gave second and even third chances to but often was proven that guarding myself was much easier and better on the heart and soul.
Sometimes I wish I could just fail and trust as B does. I wish that I could let go and be more open to people and the world and then all that has been served to me comes rushing back. This is something I am working on both in myself and with God. And I do not believe I am the only one who doesn't live as care free as a toddler.
We can truly learn from their inability to accept defeat and failure. B is no good at just moving on from a task he can not complete. Whether it is winding up a car or climbing to reach something he wants. In the middle he may throw a fit but he will not move on until the task is complete. I know people say distract children and they will forget but with B he does not. He will eventually do whatever it is he is trying to do.
Children also seem to have a trust that could remind us how the world used to be. He will share anything with a stranger. I am not sure where he gets this from because he is not in day care but he will walk right up to you and offer you anything from a dry leaf to his favorite toy. And when you accept it he just lights up.
While in todays day and age I will have to teach him that talking to strangers is not safe it still says something about children that they trust until they have a reason not to. And lets be real most adults don't trust until they have a reason to trust.
With everything going on in my life I find it easier to complain when tired, whine when I fall and not trust unless I have to. I think many of us do this as we get settled in our ways and in our lives. But I ultimately believe that it actually paralyzes us in ways that we don't see till later on.
So many times I used to fall get up dust myself off and try again but the older I get it feels like I lay there a little while. I wallow in my pity and whatever I just failed at. I let the fear or the fall determine my next move.
As with trust it can take one family member, friend, coworker or whatever to ruin it for all those to come. And although I act like I am so open and willing to accept things I find that really I am not. Really if you hurt me well I am done, ok most times, there are a few people I give/gave second and even third chances to but often was proven that guarding myself was much easier and better on the heart and soul.
Sometimes I wish I could just fail and trust as B does. I wish that I could let go and be more open to people and the world and then all that has been served to me comes rushing back. This is something I am working on both in myself and with God. And I do not believe I am the only one who doesn't live as care free as a toddler.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Reality Hits
As I sit here knowing my Mother will get on a plane tomorrow to head to the other side of the country to say good bye to her father I wonder if that will be me sooner than later. I wonder how I grew up so fast that my grandfather will now be our angel. And I wonder how I am the daughter of a man that will most likely not see 2013.
Some days are better than others with tears flowing and some days I know that we will have one heck of a team cheering us on in heaven but no matter what I am scared of how to deal with this all emotionally. I guess I am just going to have to go with the flow and the moment.
I can smile about the fact that my grandma might move here but the lump in my throat grows as I know that means my grandfather passed.
He will probably not even make it through the week and it is just now hitting me that I will not be visiting their little Spanish bungalow in San Diego anymore. The old kitchen will soon be occupied by another family and chances are another little girl will be standing on her tippy toes trying to see out the cool green beveled glass front door.
California will become where I was born rather than where my grand parents live and the chances of my family hauling across the country to go there is slim. Of course unless my sister does end up out there. But even then she will travel to us most the time I am sure.
The screen porch that I used to clean off sea shells in will become someones place to sit and relax and that crazy blue and white bathroom out in the detached area will be changed I am sure of it. There will be no more spying on Miguel next door the boy I have known since birth and the days of playing the organ will only be fond memories.
How is it that my little boy is sleeping in his crib, I am almost 32 and am approaching my 6th wedding anniversary. I feel like just yesterday I was on their living room floor playing with the nesting dolls and crocheted coasters anticipating the drive to Disneyland with the whole family.
I know my grandfather had a wonderful life and a hard one at that. He was born in an era that I dream of and that I often get lost in. He was a rancher and a cowboy and also worked on the steal carriers in the bay. He is well known at the border by all the patrol as his family owned hundreds of acres that would later be taken by the state. Oh how that land would have set us all for life he used to be angry but now I think just content on where we all are.
I don't know him without his hearing aids beeping or his uncanny ability to ignore my grandmother. I only know the scruffy chin and wise ass remarks. I know his warm lap and the smell of his after shave. He was my favorite man for soooo long. He was my "Big Grandpa". He used to tell me I reminded him of his mother and for that I will forever live knowing I have big shoes to fill.
His health has deteriorated over the last years thus the man that we have known for the past 5 or so years is not the man that I have known my entire life. Because of my memory bordering photographic I have chosen to visit minimally because I would rather hang on to the good times. While many in the family think that is weird my Mom has totally supported this decision and continues to remind me we all grieve in different ways.
She asked me if there was anything I want from their house and 3 things popped into mind. His desk, a stool in the kitchen and the rainbow crochet coasters. It is funny how we all have memories in different things. I love the stool as I sat in that so many dinners and game nights being I was the youngest. That stool for me is their home it is my place in their home.
I continue to try and be strong for my mom and for myself but know that losing such an amazing man is going to hurt. Losing a place that I have known for 32 years baffles me to the core. But I will forever be grateful for the years I did get with him I know I am very blessed.
I think about him being in pain right now and can only pray that my mom gets to say her good byes and when its time for him to go I hope he will stop by kiss me and B on the head and leave a trail of his cologne as the gates of heaven open and they welcome one of the greatest men I have ever known.
Some days are better than others with tears flowing and some days I know that we will have one heck of a team cheering us on in heaven but no matter what I am scared of how to deal with this all emotionally. I guess I am just going to have to go with the flow and the moment.
I can smile about the fact that my grandma might move here but the lump in my throat grows as I know that means my grandfather passed.
He will probably not even make it through the week and it is just now hitting me that I will not be visiting their little Spanish bungalow in San Diego anymore. The old kitchen will soon be occupied by another family and chances are another little girl will be standing on her tippy toes trying to see out the cool green beveled glass front door.
California will become where I was born rather than where my grand parents live and the chances of my family hauling across the country to go there is slim. Of course unless my sister does end up out there. But even then she will travel to us most the time I am sure.
The screen porch that I used to clean off sea shells in will become someones place to sit and relax and that crazy blue and white bathroom out in the detached area will be changed I am sure of it. There will be no more spying on Miguel next door the boy I have known since birth and the days of playing the organ will only be fond memories.
How is it that my little boy is sleeping in his crib, I am almost 32 and am approaching my 6th wedding anniversary. I feel like just yesterday I was on their living room floor playing with the nesting dolls and crocheted coasters anticipating the drive to Disneyland with the whole family.
I know my grandfather had a wonderful life and a hard one at that. He was born in an era that I dream of and that I often get lost in. He was a rancher and a cowboy and also worked on the steal carriers in the bay. He is well known at the border by all the patrol as his family owned hundreds of acres that would later be taken by the state. Oh how that land would have set us all for life he used to be angry but now I think just content on where we all are.
I don't know him without his hearing aids beeping or his uncanny ability to ignore my grandmother. I only know the scruffy chin and wise ass remarks. I know his warm lap and the smell of his after shave. He was my favorite man for soooo long. He was my "Big Grandpa". He used to tell me I reminded him of his mother and for that I will forever live knowing I have big shoes to fill.
His health has deteriorated over the last years thus the man that we have known for the past 5 or so years is not the man that I have known my entire life. Because of my memory bordering photographic I have chosen to visit minimally because I would rather hang on to the good times. While many in the family think that is weird my Mom has totally supported this decision and continues to remind me we all grieve in different ways.
She asked me if there was anything I want from their house and 3 things popped into mind. His desk, a stool in the kitchen and the rainbow crochet coasters. It is funny how we all have memories in different things. I love the stool as I sat in that so many dinners and game nights being I was the youngest. That stool for me is their home it is my place in their home.
I continue to try and be strong for my mom and for myself but know that losing such an amazing man is going to hurt. Losing a place that I have known for 32 years baffles me to the core. But I will forever be grateful for the years I did get with him I know I am very blessed.
I think about him being in pain right now and can only pray that my mom gets to say her good byes and when its time for him to go I hope he will stop by kiss me and B on the head and leave a trail of his cologne as the gates of heaven open and they welcome one of the greatest men I have ever known.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Down Sizing
It's funny I have a friend who is trying to lose weight and she is kicking butt to boot! She is excited about shopping for new clothes and the fact that her current ones are falling off. While I am totally proud of her I am thinking to myself how am I losing all the weight I have.
Just yesterday my hubby told me if I get a six pack we are going to have problems that my stomach is no existent. This is not purposely although I am enjoying that it has not taken much effort. I must admit though that the 25+ pairs of jeans in my closet are pretty much making me upset about the not trying for weight loss.
When my mom visited last weekend she mentioned had I been doing anything to help it along and frankly I can say I am not. Two strollers with flat tires have been my excuse for several mile walks. I mean I have raked and cleaned the house and chased a toddler but many friends do the same and are just the size they are.
A while back I had a rude awakening about food allergies this has altered my diet pretty extremely but even then I am surprised that it has affected my body the way it has. Who knew gluten was worth so much weight, literally.
Don't get me wrong I am in no way complaining that I have gone down several sizes without trying but at the same token I am so not in the mood to go get a new wardrobe. So far my belt has been my saving grace and I am down to rotating 4 or 5 of the maybe 25 jeans I have as to keep them on my ass when I am walking around.
I know that it is time to go through my closet and be realistic that even with a pregnancy or weight gain I will probably never see the size some of them are again. Again happy for the loss of the weight sad for the loss of some of the clothes I adore.
I have not stepped on the scale in months which is probably a good thing considering this loss was not planned and if the numbers did not reflect the size changes I would be totally worried.
I started thinking I may take this size change as an opportunity to really take a look at my wardrobe and what I want and need in it. As my life has changed so much over the last 6 months it only seems that my clothes should too. I am kind of giddy about this but being I don't want to end up with just passing trends or likes I am taking my time. And by time I mean I have not bought anything!
The loss is getting more noticeable by other people and I continue to get asked what I am doing, UHHH nothing really. Frankly I like my friends answer better, exercising and a meal plan sounds much more confident and realistic!
While I will continue to eat how I have been and meal plan for the month I do wonder when the loss will stop. I pretty much only have a butt and thighs left and well I would be happy for them to down size but they do seem to be hanging on for dear life.
I am excited to see what comes of the physical changes this spring and summer and how my wardrobe changes as I get more confident and comfortable in this new body. And can you imagine if I get those wheels fixed??
Bring it on I say bring it on! Of course though all the jeans will still sit there quietly waiting and wondering if I will put all the weight back on...
Just yesterday my hubby told me if I get a six pack we are going to have problems that my stomach is no existent. This is not purposely although I am enjoying that it has not taken much effort. I must admit though that the 25+ pairs of jeans in my closet are pretty much making me upset about the not trying for weight loss.
When my mom visited last weekend she mentioned had I been doing anything to help it along and frankly I can say I am not. Two strollers with flat tires have been my excuse for several mile walks. I mean I have raked and cleaned the house and chased a toddler but many friends do the same and are just the size they are.
A while back I had a rude awakening about food allergies this has altered my diet pretty extremely but even then I am surprised that it has affected my body the way it has. Who knew gluten was worth so much weight, literally.
Don't get me wrong I am in no way complaining that I have gone down several sizes without trying but at the same token I am so not in the mood to go get a new wardrobe. So far my belt has been my saving grace and I am down to rotating 4 or 5 of the maybe 25 jeans I have as to keep them on my ass when I am walking around.
I know that it is time to go through my closet and be realistic that even with a pregnancy or weight gain I will probably never see the size some of them are again. Again happy for the loss of the weight sad for the loss of some of the clothes I adore.
I have not stepped on the scale in months which is probably a good thing considering this loss was not planned and if the numbers did not reflect the size changes I would be totally worried.
I started thinking I may take this size change as an opportunity to really take a look at my wardrobe and what I want and need in it. As my life has changed so much over the last 6 months it only seems that my clothes should too. I am kind of giddy about this but being I don't want to end up with just passing trends or likes I am taking my time. And by time I mean I have not bought anything!
The loss is getting more noticeable by other people and I continue to get asked what I am doing, UHHH nothing really. Frankly I like my friends answer better, exercising and a meal plan sounds much more confident and realistic!
While I will continue to eat how I have been and meal plan for the month I do wonder when the loss will stop. I pretty much only have a butt and thighs left and well I would be happy for them to down size but they do seem to be hanging on for dear life.
I am excited to see what comes of the physical changes this spring and summer and how my wardrobe changes as I get more confident and comfortable in this new body. And can you imagine if I get those wheels fixed??
Bring it on I say bring it on! Of course though all the jeans will still sit there quietly waiting and wondering if I will put all the weight back on...
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Hand Me Downs
As a kid I did not care for hand me downs in fact I probably dreaded them. But now with my son I adore them. It is not just because we save money or we are too cheap to buy B clothes but I love the story behind them.
He got tons of hand me downs from a 2nd cousin but we are not close with them so those are more appreciated than adored. But the ones from his friends just make me smile as I dress him in them. Knowing that little boys who are his friends some of whom he looks up to wore them and wore them well. I love thinking about the adventures they had in them.
I have a shirt from one of our good friends that I always refer to as C's shirt. Although we have had it for a long while it will always and forever be C's shirt. I tend to take too many picts of B wearing it and send them to C's Mommy or post them in social media for her to see. I am surprised she does not think I am nuts.
Beyond hand me downs I am adoring vintage. I mean really who does not want to see their children in clothing that has stood the test of time. That has experienced in some cases more than we have seen in our lifetime.
Last night I put B in a pair of pj's that were of course given to us and just to think of the sweet dreams, lullabies and blankie cuddling those jammies saw well before B was wearing them makes my heart burst. I love some of the new clothes I purchased but when there is no story to them I just think oh he looks cute or handsome I don't dwell on where they have been or where they are going.
To some people it may just be used clothing but to me it ties my son to his peers, friends and even the past. I like that I get to see my son be himself in the clothing while some other little boy did his thing in them. I am sure no two nights were the same between both boys in those jammies.
As B gets older I hope he sees the fondness I have for not only all the clothes but other things we have been given along the way. We couldn't be more grateful for being part of the story that makes up the tapestry of those little jammies, jeans and many other items.
I have even found myself lately wanting vintage, hand me downs, used or whatever you want to call them. I want to be part of the bigger picture I want to walk in someone elses shoes and leave my trail in them.
I know that when I take items to Goodwill or where ever I never look back but I think I will start to take a minute to appreciate the story of where my clothes or shoes or pillows for that matter have been and then wish them well on their next adventure.
It is not all about upcycling or reusing items it is about the story of that silly item. Whether big or small if something was owned prior to you it has some type of story. From a shirt that was bought but never worn and lived in the closet to a little boys pair of pants that are worn and faded. They all have a story when you look at the racks of the thrift store or in the box at the garage sale.
I will continue to smile and swoon each time I put B into a hand me down and I will continue to make an effort to incorporate them into my wardrobe , why? Because I am a person who likes to not only know the story but who likes to be part of it.
He got tons of hand me downs from a 2nd cousin but we are not close with them so those are more appreciated than adored. But the ones from his friends just make me smile as I dress him in them. Knowing that little boys who are his friends some of whom he looks up to wore them and wore them well. I love thinking about the adventures they had in them.
I have a shirt from one of our good friends that I always refer to as C's shirt. Although we have had it for a long while it will always and forever be C's shirt. I tend to take too many picts of B wearing it and send them to C's Mommy or post them in social media for her to see. I am surprised she does not think I am nuts.
Beyond hand me downs I am adoring vintage. I mean really who does not want to see their children in clothing that has stood the test of time. That has experienced in some cases more than we have seen in our lifetime.
Last night I put B in a pair of pj's that were of course given to us and just to think of the sweet dreams, lullabies and blankie cuddling those jammies saw well before B was wearing them makes my heart burst. I love some of the new clothes I purchased but when there is no story to them I just think oh he looks cute or handsome I don't dwell on where they have been or where they are going.
To some people it may just be used clothing but to me it ties my son to his peers, friends and even the past. I like that I get to see my son be himself in the clothing while some other little boy did his thing in them. I am sure no two nights were the same between both boys in those jammies.
As B gets older I hope he sees the fondness I have for not only all the clothes but other things we have been given along the way. We couldn't be more grateful for being part of the story that makes up the tapestry of those little jammies, jeans and many other items.
I have even found myself lately wanting vintage, hand me downs, used or whatever you want to call them. I want to be part of the bigger picture I want to walk in someone elses shoes and leave my trail in them.
I know that when I take items to Goodwill or where ever I never look back but I think I will start to take a minute to appreciate the story of where my clothes or shoes or pillows for that matter have been and then wish them well on their next adventure.
It is not all about upcycling or reusing items it is about the story of that silly item. Whether big or small if something was owned prior to you it has some type of story. From a shirt that was bought but never worn and lived in the closet to a little boys pair of pants that are worn and faded. They all have a story when you look at the racks of the thrift store or in the box at the garage sale.
I will continue to smile and swoon each time I put B into a hand me down and I will continue to make an effort to incorporate them into my wardrobe , why? Because I am a person who likes to not only know the story but who likes to be part of it.
Friday, March 2, 2012
The Power of 3
Some people believe that death, tragedy, distruction or whatever happen in 3's. I happen to fall into the category believer. I don't know if it is true but I know that when I pay attention that they do happen in 3's the same can often be said for the good things though.
This year it is most likely inevitable I will lose my father, grandfather and step grandmother. Busy year huh. My grandfather probably wont see the summer time my father well who knows and my step grandmother she is another who knows. It has me both sorrow filled as well as grateful that we will have some pretty fantastic angels up there watching over us.
My mom mentioned that old saying of God does not give us more than we can handle and I do believe that but this roller coaster of in and out of hospitals, resuscitation and the overall unknown is tiresome. We all thought my grandpa was gone and frankly he was but they brought him back. After I am sure a short jaunt to check on all his kids and grand kids he went back to Calif. to try and make it to 100. Well 97 is here and he is just tired and ready and we have all assured him he can go.
Hubby lives in his own little world through all this. He tries to be supportive and caring but he is so focused on getting our car back that sometimes I actually think it is more of an excuse and outlet than facing what is truly in front of us. But I guess it is pretty hard to face that we have so many relatives knocking on heavens gates and he just walked away from a wreck that under any different circumstances should have had him there as well or at minimum injured.
Facing death is never easy but it seems that since I became a mother it is almost easier now because I get that with birth comes death and birth is fricken fantastic. I once heard the old souls must leave to make room for the new ones and in a way that makes sense and provides comfort when you have to say goodbye to someone who has live a long fruitful life. (dont get me started on death of young people)
As I wonder if each phone call is one to tell me someone passed away I still try to turn to my son and enjoy the moments we are in. I try to teach him that death is not pretty but Mommy can see the silver lining of any cloud because I can only believe that all those I know will go to heaven.
There is a church down the road very very small and every week is a new message about heaven and how wonderful it is. How to get in and what a party and good time they are having. "Think life is good now just wait till you get to heaven" helped me through a pretty dark day of wondering who was next.
I don't wish this type of year on anyone but I am not gonna lie with this season of death and change I know will come growth and good fortune of some sort.
This year it is most likely inevitable I will lose my father, grandfather and step grandmother. Busy year huh. My grandfather probably wont see the summer time my father well who knows and my step grandmother she is another who knows. It has me both sorrow filled as well as grateful that we will have some pretty fantastic angels up there watching over us.
My mom mentioned that old saying of God does not give us more than we can handle and I do believe that but this roller coaster of in and out of hospitals, resuscitation and the overall unknown is tiresome. We all thought my grandpa was gone and frankly he was but they brought him back. After I am sure a short jaunt to check on all his kids and grand kids he went back to Calif. to try and make it to 100. Well 97 is here and he is just tired and ready and we have all assured him he can go.
Hubby lives in his own little world through all this. He tries to be supportive and caring but he is so focused on getting our car back that sometimes I actually think it is more of an excuse and outlet than facing what is truly in front of us. But I guess it is pretty hard to face that we have so many relatives knocking on heavens gates and he just walked away from a wreck that under any different circumstances should have had him there as well or at minimum injured.
Facing death is never easy but it seems that since I became a mother it is almost easier now because I get that with birth comes death and birth is fricken fantastic. I once heard the old souls must leave to make room for the new ones and in a way that makes sense and provides comfort when you have to say goodbye to someone who has live a long fruitful life. (dont get me started on death of young people)
As I wonder if each phone call is one to tell me someone passed away I still try to turn to my son and enjoy the moments we are in. I try to teach him that death is not pretty but Mommy can see the silver lining of any cloud because I can only believe that all those I know will go to heaven.
There is a church down the road very very small and every week is a new message about heaven and how wonderful it is. How to get in and what a party and good time they are having. "Think life is good now just wait till you get to heaven" helped me through a pretty dark day of wondering who was next.
I don't wish this type of year on anyone but I am not gonna lie with this season of death and change I know will come growth and good fortune of some sort.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Another Shot
The thing about parenting is you get to have another go at it if you have more than one child. With B I wanted to do so many things that did not happen.
I wanted to breast feed heck I though I was till he was losing weight and after many consultations with an LC and nurses and frankly Dr's it was determined he could not deep suck and I was not producing much. I wanted to cloth diaper or at least do inserts but my precious baby had one sensitive bootie and penis because he screamed anytime they were on till I took them off. I was going to do attachment parenting but we just didn't make it out enough to worry about it. And he slept through the night at 8 weeks so all that drama was avoided.
Cosleeping really never crossed my mind as my husband sleeps so sound I am not sure if it would be our safest option. Plus I am so intent on knowing what is going on I would probably not sleep at all as I would be counting his breaths etc.
I did not know about BLW thus it was not an option but I do think it makes a lot of sense looking back. And I do plan on trying it with #2.
I have friends who had the opportunity to do all these things with their baby and still are doing them and I am sometimes green with envy but other times I am grateful I just rolled with the punches as if I hadn't the challenges would have been that much greater.
I have learned a ton just moving and being alone with my thoughts and influences. I realized society plays a huge roll on how and when I gave up on certain tasks with B. While I do not think he turned out any different with the choices we made I am so grateful to be part of a community now that supports and teaches each other. This way when I have the issues that will surely arise I will know how to deal with them and maybe with a little less roll over and take it attitude.
Our household is slowly turning into a less toys more imagination. Less new more vintage, used or just flat out antique. Worries of baths and bacteria have been replaced with no shoes and splashing in puddles. We have always done organic but the needs and wants of our whole family has changed. That's not to say we don't make a run to Checkers every now and then.
I like that my style has changed with B and I love that I am inspired by some new lovely ladies who do things very different than I ever thought I would but actually love. And mostly I love that they all accept us as we are! I was nervous to ask opinions or tell my story or even to post my family photo to them but no one batted an eyelash!
With #2 things will be very different as they already are with B. I am excited for when the day comes that we will announce the baby, how we will approach the pregnancy, the birth, the newborn stage and so on. I guess in some ways I see it as a do over or another shot but all in all it just means....
They teach us as much as we teach them.
I wanted to breast feed heck I though I was till he was losing weight and after many consultations with an LC and nurses and frankly Dr's it was determined he could not deep suck and I was not producing much. I wanted to cloth diaper or at least do inserts but my precious baby had one sensitive bootie and penis because he screamed anytime they were on till I took them off. I was going to do attachment parenting but we just didn't make it out enough to worry about it. And he slept through the night at 8 weeks so all that drama was avoided.
Cosleeping really never crossed my mind as my husband sleeps so sound I am not sure if it would be our safest option. Plus I am so intent on knowing what is going on I would probably not sleep at all as I would be counting his breaths etc.
I did not know about BLW thus it was not an option but I do think it makes a lot of sense looking back. And I do plan on trying it with #2.
I have friends who had the opportunity to do all these things with their baby and still are doing them and I am sometimes green with envy but other times I am grateful I just rolled with the punches as if I hadn't the challenges would have been that much greater.
I have learned a ton just moving and being alone with my thoughts and influences. I realized society plays a huge roll on how and when I gave up on certain tasks with B. While I do not think he turned out any different with the choices we made I am so grateful to be part of a community now that supports and teaches each other. This way when I have the issues that will surely arise I will know how to deal with them and maybe with a little less roll over and take it attitude.
Our household is slowly turning into a less toys more imagination. Less new more vintage, used or just flat out antique. Worries of baths and bacteria have been replaced with no shoes and splashing in puddles. We have always done organic but the needs and wants of our whole family has changed. That's not to say we don't make a run to Checkers every now and then.
I like that my style has changed with B and I love that I am inspired by some new lovely ladies who do things very different than I ever thought I would but actually love. And mostly I love that they all accept us as we are! I was nervous to ask opinions or tell my story or even to post my family photo to them but no one batted an eyelash!
With #2 things will be very different as they already are with B. I am excited for when the day comes that we will announce the baby, how we will approach the pregnancy, the birth, the newborn stage and so on. I guess in some ways I see it as a do over or another shot but all in all it just means....
They teach us as much as we teach them.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Memories
I was washing my hands last night in the bathroom in front of the mirror in the dark and my mind immediately wandered to being a young girl who was deathly scared of bloody mary. I can remember walking the halls of that elementary wondering if one of my friends would pull me in and tell me to say her name spin and do whatever it was you were supposed to do. In fact I was so scared I made my mom take the mirror out of our bedroom!
After that I just started thinking about things that trigger my memories. Suave hairspray takes me back yo my sister doing my hair or getting ready in the apartment in California when we would visit my Dad in the summer. Vegetable trays and cheeseballs were at every Thanksgiving. Goulosh triggers an awful one of a huge bowl of that stuff that I swear we ate for days.
We all have triggers for our past for our memories good and bad. I love the obvious ones such as songs and movies or even the events of "where were you when?" but its the subtle ones I enjoy most. Just walking outside with my son on a day that I could feel the ocean in the air took me back to a familiar feeling but not knowing what it was. I called my Mom and she reminded me it felt like that in San Diego when we visited our Grandparents and here I was passing it on to B.
I hope that over the next 18 years or so (he can stay longer if he wants) I will be able to create some of those moments for B as well as creating more of my own for when he is not around. I hope that he will find a favorite food he liked the smell of so he always has a sense of home. That a particular cleaner, even if it is the vinegar, reminds him that we always tried to have fun but knew we also had to clean up our messes.
I hope when he dates that one person who may happen to use my brand of shampoo he will remember the many hugs and moments nestled on my shoulder. They grow so fast and create such a path that we can only hope to steal a little part of all their wonderful memories.
I know there will be bad memories just like the ones I have but I am not going to lie and say I will not do everything in my power to protect him from them or atleast to over ride them with good ones! It's in the moments that we just catch a glimpse of a photo or a smell of something that we realize where we came from and although it molded us we can still forge our own path.
I don't think hubby has as many memory kickstarts as I do but the ones he does have I have heard over and over. He is so proud of the carrots he fed to the horses or that he made machine cookies. I often think to myself when I hear those same memories over and over that I hope I can create more for B. That his life right now is something he will cherish and adore unlike his father.
I did not have a perfect childhood heck a $1 reminds me of swiss cake rolls from the corner store that could last a week! But what I do have is a lot of them. I hope B's kaleidoscope of memories becomes full and varied and then I will know that I did a good job.
After that I just started thinking about things that trigger my memories. Suave hairspray takes me back yo my sister doing my hair or getting ready in the apartment in California when we would visit my Dad in the summer. Vegetable trays and cheeseballs were at every Thanksgiving. Goulosh triggers an awful one of a huge bowl of that stuff that I swear we ate for days.
We all have triggers for our past for our memories good and bad. I love the obvious ones such as songs and movies or even the events of "where were you when?" but its the subtle ones I enjoy most. Just walking outside with my son on a day that I could feel the ocean in the air took me back to a familiar feeling but not knowing what it was. I called my Mom and she reminded me it felt like that in San Diego when we visited our Grandparents and here I was passing it on to B.
I hope that over the next 18 years or so (he can stay longer if he wants) I will be able to create some of those moments for B as well as creating more of my own for when he is not around. I hope that he will find a favorite food he liked the smell of so he always has a sense of home. That a particular cleaner, even if it is the vinegar, reminds him that we always tried to have fun but knew we also had to clean up our messes.
I hope when he dates that one person who may happen to use my brand of shampoo he will remember the many hugs and moments nestled on my shoulder. They grow so fast and create such a path that we can only hope to steal a little part of all their wonderful memories.
I know there will be bad memories just like the ones I have but I am not going to lie and say I will not do everything in my power to protect him from them or atleast to over ride them with good ones! It's in the moments that we just catch a glimpse of a photo or a smell of something that we realize where we came from and although it molded us we can still forge our own path.
I don't think hubby has as many memory kickstarts as I do but the ones he does have I have heard over and over. He is so proud of the carrots he fed to the horses or that he made machine cookies. I often think to myself when I hear those same memories over and over that I hope I can create more for B. That his life right now is something he will cherish and adore unlike his father.
I did not have a perfect childhood heck a $1 reminds me of swiss cake rolls from the corner store that could last a week! But what I do have is a lot of them. I hope B's kaleidoscope of memories becomes full and varied and then I will know that I did a good job.
Monday, February 27, 2012
What a Difference
I was cleaning up the house today and thought back over the last year of my life. So much has happened and so much has changed. I don't just mean physically but mentally as well. I am not saying life is perfect but it perfectly imperfect right now.
I am a tell it like it is person and many I know can not stand it yet some how it is this very trait that has really helped me prosper in our little world. I talk more than most, point out when relationships are and aren't working, announce my triumphs and whisper my failures. While this has driven some away it has brought many closer. I love interaction and I love a debate so over the last year if I was met with silence I would either let it roll off or just know that me and that individual are in different spaces. And that includes hubby.
Through this honesty with myself and those around me I am a much happier much more content individual. I took some time in the last year or so to evaluate my needs as a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend and even a believer! The results are nothing short of a happier and healthier me. I really think we all go through phases in life and with them comes different people from those you interact with daily to even those bagging your groceries.
By being honest and confronting the persona we had created as a family we realized we were just not happy as could be in our old environment! Just the sheer smile on our faces and change of weekly activities have reflected that. I do believe that PPD and PTSD after birth played a major part of catapulting me into voicing my concerns with our lifestyle to hubby. Go figure nothing like almost dying and almost losing your baby to wake you up. Or even the response from those around you to both that and to me becoming a mother.
Our family so to speak has changed, our "go to's" have changed, our zip code has changed, where we shop has changed! And now too how we live has changed. Each day is a gift and the things we have are not important. The car is not as important as it used to be (ok for me atleast hubby will always love cars :) ) and the purse I carry, ya no one could care less. I feel like I can breathe deeper and smile bigger.
To some who were just born with that innate self-esteem I envy you but for me I am just reaching my peak of take us or leave us. I am just now ok with knowing I am #5 on your list vs. fighting for #1. I am ok reciprocating what others are giving out to me. While a few years ago I was always striving to be everyone's best friend, best employee, best bargain hunter etc.
The space I am in actually that I think my family is in is the space we belong! Last night I went out with a friend for a much needed and deserved girls night out. Her husband mentioned that moms need to have fun too when she was concerned I would not accept her invitation. In just that one little sentence of his he summed up I think what a lot of mothers face daily when they just want an hour to themselves or a night out with no cares in the world. It DOES NOT make me a bad mother that I let my 18 month old son stay with his Dad for an evening. Although I do know many who would disagree with that.
There is a place for everyone in this world I am definitely being reminded that in my town made up of the most eclectic mix. I love that if you put two of my friends together you would be shocked they both mean just as much to me as the other. That I talk to them both frequently yet they do things so differently. That to me means I am doing it right I am loving people for who they are and not trying to force my beliefs or anything else on them. Although I am sure some may not even get along I don't care cause it's not my place to make them! But truthfully I know every single one of them could come to our house and BBQ and all would be well!
I can't believe that in such a small window we have sold our home moved out of the area and grown so much. I am baffled that hubby wants a tractor and that he talks about his boots to people. I smile that we find comfort and peace in the simplicity of our surroundings. I think it was time to get out from the influence of other people so we could find our path and our life.
We have done it and I can't wait to keep living it!
I am a tell it like it is person and many I know can not stand it yet some how it is this very trait that has really helped me prosper in our little world. I talk more than most, point out when relationships are and aren't working, announce my triumphs and whisper my failures. While this has driven some away it has brought many closer. I love interaction and I love a debate so over the last year if I was met with silence I would either let it roll off or just know that me and that individual are in different spaces. And that includes hubby.
Through this honesty with myself and those around me I am a much happier much more content individual. I took some time in the last year or so to evaluate my needs as a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a friend and even a believer! The results are nothing short of a happier and healthier me. I really think we all go through phases in life and with them comes different people from those you interact with daily to even those bagging your groceries.
By being honest and confronting the persona we had created as a family we realized we were just not happy as could be in our old environment! Just the sheer smile on our faces and change of weekly activities have reflected that. I do believe that PPD and PTSD after birth played a major part of catapulting me into voicing my concerns with our lifestyle to hubby. Go figure nothing like almost dying and almost losing your baby to wake you up. Or even the response from those around you to both that and to me becoming a mother.
Our family so to speak has changed, our "go to's" have changed, our zip code has changed, where we shop has changed! And now too how we live has changed. Each day is a gift and the things we have are not important. The car is not as important as it used to be (ok for me atleast hubby will always love cars :) ) and the purse I carry, ya no one could care less. I feel like I can breathe deeper and smile bigger.
To some who were just born with that innate self-esteem I envy you but for me I am just reaching my peak of take us or leave us. I am just now ok with knowing I am #5 on your list vs. fighting for #1. I am ok reciprocating what others are giving out to me. While a few years ago I was always striving to be everyone's best friend, best employee, best bargain hunter etc.
The space I am in actually that I think my family is in is the space we belong! Last night I went out with a friend for a much needed and deserved girls night out. Her husband mentioned that moms need to have fun too when she was concerned I would not accept her invitation. In just that one little sentence of his he summed up I think what a lot of mothers face daily when they just want an hour to themselves or a night out with no cares in the world. It DOES NOT make me a bad mother that I let my 18 month old son stay with his Dad for an evening. Although I do know many who would disagree with that.
There is a place for everyone in this world I am definitely being reminded that in my town made up of the most eclectic mix. I love that if you put two of my friends together you would be shocked they both mean just as much to me as the other. That I talk to them both frequently yet they do things so differently. That to me means I am doing it right I am loving people for who they are and not trying to force my beliefs or anything else on them. Although I am sure some may not even get along I don't care cause it's not my place to make them! But truthfully I know every single one of them could come to our house and BBQ and all would be well!
I can't believe that in such a small window we have sold our home moved out of the area and grown so much. I am baffled that hubby wants a tractor and that he talks about his boots to people. I smile that we find comfort and peace in the simplicity of our surroundings. I think it was time to get out from the influence of other people so we could find our path and our life.
We have done it and I can't wait to keep living it!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Oddly OK
So today is a weird day. My hubby becomes or became a biological uncle. While most people would be celebrating, heading to the hospital or waiting on the picture of the little one to be sent around we are not. It is weird I guess I never thought about the dynamics of if a family did not get along.
This battle has been a tough one. At first I pushed my hubby to try and have a relationship with his brother and that never seemed to work. Then I decided I would make an effort and form one with him. And just as that happened he met a girl who to me could not handle him having a friend in his sister in law.
Since she entered the picture the family drama has increased and our interaction with them has decreased. The relationship with all of us is non existent. After months of ups and downs and slung words and back stabbing I must say I am actually kind of relieved we have moved on.
I am not going to lie I am curious about our niece and would love to say I am happy for them but it is just so clouded with their behavior. And we know it is best that we not even attempt contact as they are bringing a new born home to hubbys grandparents who are in their 80's with health problems, can not even take care of themselves and need help from the family. We are irate about this and so is the rest of the family but everyone is walking on egg shells with them as notice I said girlfriend not wife. (enough said in their concerns of pissing her off and she leaving with the baby)
Hubby is doing really well with all of this. I think what he misses most is that they do have a younger brother and that brother used to be very close with us but because we disagree with things he does and some of his behavior he has chose to lean to Kevin more than my hubby. We get this as he is 19 and can only hope that he will one day want to be part of our lives again.
What made me realize there is little hope of reconciliation in the near future was when I asked did he want to send flowers or anything to them and he said No. See recently I had a friend give birth, she is someone I had a falling out with you could say. I had known her a long time but hubby has known her family for 20+ years. When she went into labor and we heard the news we immediately sent flowers. We wanted them to know we were happy for them and they were in our prayers. But when hubby said no to sending his brother something I realized we all choose where we want to put effort.
And right now we are not putting our effort towards them. I think we are at the point of we wish them the best have a good one versus being angry and vile. I like this space and I think that hubby does too. I know many of you are shaking your head thinking blood is thicker than any thing else and family should be our priority but our immediate family is. And our friends make up our family. I think we finally get that.
We have faith in the path we are on and the trials and tribulations we face. With that said we know that sometimes two people just don't see eye to eye or allow their significant others to run the show. We also know that add in a mother that is biased and shows favoritism and the mess gets a lot worse.
So cheers and good health to them. But a pat on the back to us for realizing we are not in control of anyone but ourselves and we are happy where we are at with all of this.
This battle has been a tough one. At first I pushed my hubby to try and have a relationship with his brother and that never seemed to work. Then I decided I would make an effort and form one with him. And just as that happened he met a girl who to me could not handle him having a friend in his sister in law.
Since she entered the picture the family drama has increased and our interaction with them has decreased. The relationship with all of us is non existent. After months of ups and downs and slung words and back stabbing I must say I am actually kind of relieved we have moved on.
I am not going to lie I am curious about our niece and would love to say I am happy for them but it is just so clouded with their behavior. And we know it is best that we not even attempt contact as they are bringing a new born home to hubbys grandparents who are in their 80's with health problems, can not even take care of themselves and need help from the family. We are irate about this and so is the rest of the family but everyone is walking on egg shells with them as notice I said girlfriend not wife. (enough said in their concerns of pissing her off and she leaving with the baby)
Hubby is doing really well with all of this. I think what he misses most is that they do have a younger brother and that brother used to be very close with us but because we disagree with things he does and some of his behavior he has chose to lean to Kevin more than my hubby. We get this as he is 19 and can only hope that he will one day want to be part of our lives again.
What made me realize there is little hope of reconciliation in the near future was when I asked did he want to send flowers or anything to them and he said No. See recently I had a friend give birth, she is someone I had a falling out with you could say. I had known her a long time but hubby has known her family for 20+ years. When she went into labor and we heard the news we immediately sent flowers. We wanted them to know we were happy for them and they were in our prayers. But when hubby said no to sending his brother something I realized we all choose where we want to put effort.
And right now we are not putting our effort towards them. I think we are at the point of we wish them the best have a good one versus being angry and vile. I like this space and I think that hubby does too. I know many of you are shaking your head thinking blood is thicker than any thing else and family should be our priority but our immediate family is. And our friends make up our family. I think we finally get that.
We have faith in the path we are on and the trials and tribulations we face. With that said we know that sometimes two people just don't see eye to eye or allow their significant others to run the show. We also know that add in a mother that is biased and shows favoritism and the mess gets a lot worse.
So cheers and good health to them. But a pat on the back to us for realizing we are not in control of anyone but ourselves and we are happy where we are at with all of this.
I Was Tagged
Jen over at Caved In tagged me to answer these questions so I am thrilled to answer them. I am not sure if she really wanted to hear the answers or just because she knows I am a dork and will play along but either way I am in!
1. I started my blog because...
I have started several blogs. I got rid of one do to privacy concerns and my husband job title at the time and others I stopped because they became a full time job. This one I started and will not stop because I have a love and passion for writing. I would like to believe that I have things and experiences in my life others can relate too but beyond that it is just for my love of writing.
2. One thing I love seeing on other blogs is...
Humor, honesty, integrity
3. Something I love about blogging...
Meeting new people! Finding things that encourage me to be a better mom, person, wife whatever
4. Favorite blog posts of mine...
This blog is so new to me that I don't have one I am just loving that I am writing again.
5. Something my friends in real life know about me that I've never before mentioned on my blog...
Not too much I really am an open book in most cases. Maybe that I have really low self esteem and that it is something that I work on daily. Or that I would love to write a book one day.
6. My new favorite blogs to read are...
Caved In
Blue Eyed Bride
Really any parenting blog, real and or funny is the best for me.
7. Some things I tend to avoid talking about on my blog are..
Politics cause frankly they are controversial and I don't know enough about them!!
So after filling this out I realize I am kind of boring but oh well!
1. I started my blog because...
I have started several blogs. I got rid of one do to privacy concerns and my husband job title at the time and others I stopped because they became a full time job. This one I started and will not stop because I have a love and passion for writing. I would like to believe that I have things and experiences in my life others can relate too but beyond that it is just for my love of writing.
2. One thing I love seeing on other blogs is...
Humor, honesty, integrity
3. Something I love about blogging...
Meeting new people! Finding things that encourage me to be a better mom, person, wife whatever
4. Favorite blog posts of mine...
This blog is so new to me that I don't have one I am just loving that I am writing again.
5. Something my friends in real life know about me that I've never before mentioned on my blog...
Not too much I really am an open book in most cases. Maybe that I have really low self esteem and that it is something that I work on daily. Or that I would love to write a book one day.
6. My new favorite blogs to read are...
Caved In
Blue Eyed Bride
Really any parenting blog, real and or funny is the best for me.
7. Some things I tend to avoid talking about on my blog are..
Politics cause frankly they are controversial and I don't know enough about them!!
So after filling this out I realize I am kind of boring but oh well!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
#2?
Sometimes I picture us just being completely happy with just B and then at times I think he needs a sibling he needs a partner in crime, he needs someone to lean on. I really seem to waver on this subject a lot. Which in turn makes me think God is up there saying try all you want for #2 but you wont get it till you know. Silly I know but it makes sense in my head.
I know we are not promised another baby but I would like to believe it happened before so it can happen again. Each month that we say we are trying I find myself in that two week wait wondering if that craving or bout of nausea is a little booger growing. But then Aunt Flow comes and well the devastation sticks around for a day or so.
Hubby is having issues with his siblings right now and they are not the type that will go away over night in fact they are probably going to be here forever being the 3 of them are just very different people. He thinks a lot of it has to do with their age thus he is really antsy for our kids to be closer in age rather than farther apart. And frankly turning 32 this year has me thinking #2 should be sooner than later.
I am hoping that #2 is growing right now but only time will tell. I can even be mimicked saying I want twins. I know crazy right but I think knowing I once miscarried them I just have a place in my heart for them. Pregnancy is a funny thing you want it want it want it and then it happens and scares the crap out of you.
I know the conversations would not even be on the table if we were not ready to expand our family. I mean we have thrown around the idea for months but it was not until truly this last month we made an "effort" and even then it was not our best you could say.
I also hate the selfish feeling that goes along with trying to have a baby especially since two of my closest friends had issues having their children. They both have such poise and adoration for their boys that I feel like if I am selfish and talk to them about it they may think I am pathetic to say the least. And the funny thing is I talk to both of them almost daily but they don't even know we are "trying". (they will now)
You know I just wrote out trying and it made me realize that its a weird term. A term that I do not think fits us right now. What we are is wanting to grow our family. We are doing the necessary things to grow the family and have laid it at Gods feet and thanked him daily for our wonderful family and for knowing it will grow somehow some day. So I don't think I should refer to it as trying but rather trusting.
I have had miscarriages in the past and B was a total emergency that almost made us lose not only him but myself so needless to say I am also scared to death. But next time around (hows that for positive thinking) I think I will tell people whenever I want, I will rejoice in knowing what will be will be and that God will only give us what we can handle. I don't want to be scared of the what if's or the superstitions that if I announce it early it will fail. And I surely do not want to be embarrassed if something happens.
I know we are not promised another baby but I would like to believe it happened before so it can happen again. Each month that we say we are trying I find myself in that two week wait wondering if that craving or bout of nausea is a little booger growing. But then Aunt Flow comes and well the devastation sticks around for a day or so.
Hubby is having issues with his siblings right now and they are not the type that will go away over night in fact they are probably going to be here forever being the 3 of them are just very different people. He thinks a lot of it has to do with their age thus he is really antsy for our kids to be closer in age rather than farther apart. And frankly turning 32 this year has me thinking #2 should be sooner than later.
I am hoping that #2 is growing right now but only time will tell. I can even be mimicked saying I want twins. I know crazy right but I think knowing I once miscarried them I just have a place in my heart for them. Pregnancy is a funny thing you want it want it want it and then it happens and scares the crap out of you.
I know the conversations would not even be on the table if we were not ready to expand our family. I mean we have thrown around the idea for months but it was not until truly this last month we made an "effort" and even then it was not our best you could say.
I also hate the selfish feeling that goes along with trying to have a baby especially since two of my closest friends had issues having their children. They both have such poise and adoration for their boys that I feel like if I am selfish and talk to them about it they may think I am pathetic to say the least. And the funny thing is I talk to both of them almost daily but they don't even know we are "trying". (they will now)
You know I just wrote out trying and it made me realize that its a weird term. A term that I do not think fits us right now. What we are is wanting to grow our family. We are doing the necessary things to grow the family and have laid it at Gods feet and thanked him daily for our wonderful family and for knowing it will grow somehow some day. So I don't think I should refer to it as trying but rather trusting.
I have had miscarriages in the past and B was a total emergency that almost made us lose not only him but myself so needless to say I am also scared to death. But next time around (hows that for positive thinking) I think I will tell people whenever I want, I will rejoice in knowing what will be will be and that God will only give us what we can handle. I don't want to be scared of the what if's or the superstitions that if I announce it early it will fail. And I surely do not want to be embarrassed if something happens.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
A HisTORI About My Best Friend
With all the ups and downs in life right now I thought I would just enjoy myself and talk about a friend of mine. Ok really she is not a friend that knows she is a friend but she is totally my friend.
Anyone who knows me knows I can not remember lines in movies, song titles, book names or tag lines. I don;t know tons of actors names and I am definitely very plain jane when it comes to my interest in any form of entertainment. But there is one constant that has held up through all forms of media and one woman who has been my friend through life since we were introduced all those years ago.
I am sure you have the same type of friend. One who has similarities but also differences. One that makes you giggle, cry and cringe all at the same time. Many of you may find it in a politician or world famous author or even world leader but me I found it in the mere little zip code of 90210.
Tori Spelling has been one of my best friends throughout life (no need to worry I do not stalk her and she does not know I exist). I am not going to lie I wavered sometimes to Kelly (ya ya I am referring to their characters, of course I know they are real people) but always returned right back to Donna.
I tried to be like her in character and sometimes looks. Although my Mom was so not ok with all the sun-in I doused my hair with to try and be blonde! I copied the white high slouchy socks and found a love for hoop skirts! (only a true fan will understand that one) Some how she made me feel that being different was ok, lonely yes, but ok.
She gave me permission to get lost in her world for the years that my parents divorced and money was tight. She had the boyfriend I would not find till 25. To this day I can remember all her hair styles and how she even influenced me as a young adult. I always envied that Donna could pull off red lipstick but I had a hunch it was Tori that loved it and now watching her reality show I see that she can and that she was very much true to her character.
After the 90210 phase I followed my friend to her many Lifetime movies. Oh she was scandalous but none the same she was still Tori. Sometimes sweet sometimes awkward and just trying to make it.
As her life filled with drama and rumors I totally faced my own. (No not because I am a billionaire and fighting with my family, don't be silly!) But at some moments of relocation I found peace in re runs and the familiarity of the girl who had grown to be a role model.
Throughout our relationship we have had highs and lows I mean TMZ.com did not exist and I was not able to keep up on her as I would have liked. And I did not have the money to move to CA to force our friendship so I just patiently waited for it to run its course back to what it had always been all those years ago.
And here we are! I get to visit with her weekly and read her diary's (so what if all of the world has access to them too). I find such a common thread between her world and mine in her growth and climb up to money and a fancy house and then realizing that it is not what she wants but actually wants a smaller home and land and a lovely family life.
You know that when she is doing the commentary in her show well the secret is out that she is actually talking to me over a glass of wine or better yet margarita! Some of my favorite times are those I spend in her closet helping her pack, or giggling at the bathroom door as she pees on the stick. Her experience of "poo in the puss" as she refers to it even makes me appreciate my little guy during blow outs.
Most recently she truly has helped me over the hump of following a dream and moving to a 2.5 acre property in a smaller town. And of course her experiences with Liam, Stella and Hattie have given me the confidence that I can totally handle more kids. (ok so I can try I do know she has help) And I can totally buy a chicken and pig oh and a goat just because.
Oh how I am so grateful for her friendship and honesty in my life. Dean is a little more daring than Hubby but lets just say we are working on that. I like knowing that her relationships are not perfect and that they do fight, they do bribe each other with sex and they do have brownie points.
I love being a mother and at home with B so her empire is not what I desire, ok that would be a lie! I desire to have her childrens clothing in my sons closet, her nail polish on my nails, an antique from her store in my living room (and no it is totally not weird if I kiss it daily), her jewelry draping my wrists but I do not desire to run it. (someone if you read this and know her tell her product tester right here!!! really I would be biased though so maybe not the best idea)
Ok enough bragging about my best friend because it is just not classy. Seriously I can not be the only person in America that has a fond friendship with someone who does not know they exist,?!?! Oh crap or am I?
(you know I just wrote that last sentence so you all don't think I am crazy, right. She totally is my best friend.)
Anyone who knows me knows I can not remember lines in movies, song titles, book names or tag lines. I don;t know tons of actors names and I am definitely very plain jane when it comes to my interest in any form of entertainment. But there is one constant that has held up through all forms of media and one woman who has been my friend through life since we were introduced all those years ago.
I am sure you have the same type of friend. One who has similarities but also differences. One that makes you giggle, cry and cringe all at the same time. Many of you may find it in a politician or world famous author or even world leader but me I found it in the mere little zip code of 90210.
Tori Spelling has been one of my best friends throughout life (no need to worry I do not stalk her and she does not know I exist). I am not going to lie I wavered sometimes to Kelly (ya ya I am referring to their characters, of course I know they are real people) but always returned right back to Donna.
I tried to be like her in character and sometimes looks. Although my Mom was so not ok with all the sun-in I doused my hair with to try and be blonde! I copied the white high slouchy socks and found a love for hoop skirts! (only a true fan will understand that one) Some how she made me feel that being different was ok, lonely yes, but ok.
She gave me permission to get lost in her world for the years that my parents divorced and money was tight. She had the boyfriend I would not find till 25. To this day I can remember all her hair styles and how she even influenced me as a young adult. I always envied that Donna could pull off red lipstick but I had a hunch it was Tori that loved it and now watching her reality show I see that she can and that she was very much true to her character.
After the 90210 phase I followed my friend to her many Lifetime movies. Oh she was scandalous but none the same she was still Tori. Sometimes sweet sometimes awkward and just trying to make it.
As her life filled with drama and rumors I totally faced my own. (No not because I am a billionaire and fighting with my family, don't be silly!) But at some moments of relocation I found peace in re runs and the familiarity of the girl who had grown to be a role model.
Throughout our relationship we have had highs and lows I mean TMZ.com did not exist and I was not able to keep up on her as I would have liked. And I did not have the money to move to CA to force our friendship so I just patiently waited for it to run its course back to what it had always been all those years ago.
And here we are! I get to visit with her weekly and read her diary's (so what if all of the world has access to them too). I find such a common thread between her world and mine in her growth and climb up to money and a fancy house and then realizing that it is not what she wants but actually wants a smaller home and land and a lovely family life.
You know that when she is doing the commentary in her show well the secret is out that she is actually talking to me over a glass of wine or better yet margarita! Some of my favorite times are those I spend in her closet helping her pack, or giggling at the bathroom door as she pees on the stick. Her experience of "poo in the puss" as she refers to it even makes me appreciate my little guy during blow outs.
Most recently she truly has helped me over the hump of following a dream and moving to a 2.5 acre property in a smaller town. And of course her experiences with Liam, Stella and Hattie have given me the confidence that I can totally handle more kids. (ok so I can try I do know she has help) And I can totally buy a chicken and pig oh and a goat just because.
Oh how I am so grateful for her friendship and honesty in my life. Dean is a little more daring than Hubby but lets just say we are working on that. I like knowing that her relationships are not perfect and that they do fight, they do bribe each other with sex and they do have brownie points.
I love being a mother and at home with B so her empire is not what I desire, ok that would be a lie! I desire to have her childrens clothing in my sons closet, her nail polish on my nails, an antique from her store in my living room (and no it is totally not weird if I kiss it daily), her jewelry draping my wrists but I do not desire to run it. (someone if you read this and know her tell her product tester right here!!! really I would be biased though so maybe not the best idea)
Ok enough bragging about my best friend because it is just not classy. Seriously I can not be the only person in America that has a fond friendship with someone who does not know they exist,?!?! Oh crap or am I?
(you know I just wrote that last sentence so you all don't think I am crazy, right. She totally is my best friend.)
Friday, February 17, 2012
Still Makes Me Smile
Ok so I know I have said over and over I love this town but really I love this place!! Yesterday I had to go do some paperwork for the sale of our old house and I stopped by to see some of hubby's family. Let's just say they are some of, ok A LOT, of why we left the area. It did not go so well.
Some how through the stress of selling our house, a sick father and the drama of his family my voice came back. For years I have been respectful and reserved and smiley and all nods with them but I just had it. I was polite but I did voice my opinion and how their actions and words have affected us and OMG I felt so good.
My own Mom said that was a big NO NO as she tried not to giggle but I was granted a pass as she put it as we have so much going on. Oh that pass was worth it only I informed her it was not a pass. It was me! It was the loud opinionated girl my husband fell in love with. I was not loud nor rude I was just honest.
And you know what? After I was done I got in the car and hauled it back to our town! Our lovely little town. The town that we will raise our family in and that makes me smile daily. Oh that drive is usually long and redundant but yesterday it was a breath of fresh air!
I know that we should not boast about moving away from family but honestly sometimes if you are not blessed with the nicest or most civil of bunch than a little distance does a girl good.
I also stopped at the house we are selling yesterday and the only pause I had was in B's room. It was crazy to see such an anticipated room empty and stark but the rest of it just seemed so foreign to me. It was still pretty but it was not home. It was no longer where I wanted to lay my head and raise my family and that felt so good.
Today through the overcast and occasional rain I still find myself smiling about where we are at and how blessed we are. I finally have neighbors stopping by with treats and telling us what is happening this weekend and where the local hidden beach is!
So what if the average age here is 70 when no matter what tries to get me down I am still smiling that we have found our home!
Some how through the stress of selling our house, a sick father and the drama of his family my voice came back. For years I have been respectful and reserved and smiley and all nods with them but I just had it. I was polite but I did voice my opinion and how their actions and words have affected us and OMG I felt so good.
My own Mom said that was a big NO NO as she tried not to giggle but I was granted a pass as she put it as we have so much going on. Oh that pass was worth it only I informed her it was not a pass. It was me! It was the loud opinionated girl my husband fell in love with. I was not loud nor rude I was just honest.
And you know what? After I was done I got in the car and hauled it back to our town! Our lovely little town. The town that we will raise our family in and that makes me smile daily. Oh that drive is usually long and redundant but yesterday it was a breath of fresh air!
I know that we should not boast about moving away from family but honestly sometimes if you are not blessed with the nicest or most civil of bunch than a little distance does a girl good.
I also stopped at the house we are selling yesterday and the only pause I had was in B's room. It was crazy to see such an anticipated room empty and stark but the rest of it just seemed so foreign to me. It was still pretty but it was not home. It was no longer where I wanted to lay my head and raise my family and that felt so good.
Today through the overcast and occasional rain I still find myself smiling about where we are at and how blessed we are. I finally have neighbors stopping by with treats and telling us what is happening this weekend and where the local hidden beach is!
So what if the average age here is 70 when no matter what tries to get me down I am still smiling that we have found our home!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Facing Life
So my Dad is in ICU right now and it is just all so overwhelming. We have never been close and we are worlds away not only physically but mentally. I have had some major life experiences such as getting married, having my son, buying a home etc. but he has really been a part of none of them yet some how I just take it as it is.
Obviously it was not always like that. And what I mean is I did not always accept it, frankly, I was pretty pissed. Now it just seems that for whatever reason he and I just do not see eye to eye. He gets along with my sisters pretty well and one of them is there with him now. So whether or not he has played a huge role in my life or not he has in theirs.
I often wonder if sometimes my grief of his illnesses and knowing the outcome is grim whether it be today or in a few years is actually for my sisters. I will not know any different life unfortunately when he passes as we don't talk a ton and he just lives his life and I live mine. I wonder how all of this affects my parenting etc.
I guess I am pretty much just rambling on but I think that it is all in all good for me at this point. I mean here we are on Valentines Day and I am facing the loss of my father. I think it was about 13 years ago to date his mother passed away which I find totally creepy. But at the same time I find it kind of humbling that maybe God sent her to bring him home.
My poor sister who is there with him claims to be such a rock. But I know this is not fun for her we all actually think she bit off way more than she can chew. But the situation is here and now and we have to face every aspect of it.
I have been asked by many if I have forgiven my Dad for the issues he caused and if I talked to him about it but the honest answer is no. I do not believe he sees anything wrong with his behavior toward me and thus we will just be like we are. He is my Dad and for that I am grateful and I am grateful he got to meet and enjoy B even if it was for a short time.
I think all in all he is who he is and that is ok. He needs to make peace and I believe he will with himself, his choices, his family and so on. I pray daily he does not suffer and that he knows that whether I agree with his choices on parenting I do think he did the best he could for whatever demons he faced in other aspects of his life.
I am also grateful my sisters see him as a different man than I do. I think that it makes it easier on me to know that he was there for 2 out of the 3! Sad I know but it works in my head.
Ok I should stop rambling on and on now as I am not even sure these words will be heard but for me they make me feel better. It's like if I record it he will some how know that I am ok with the way things turned out. My life is good and I hope if worse comes to worse he will at least be an angel to my son...
Obviously it was not always like that. And what I mean is I did not always accept it, frankly, I was pretty pissed. Now it just seems that for whatever reason he and I just do not see eye to eye. He gets along with my sisters pretty well and one of them is there with him now. So whether or not he has played a huge role in my life or not he has in theirs.
I often wonder if sometimes my grief of his illnesses and knowing the outcome is grim whether it be today or in a few years is actually for my sisters. I will not know any different life unfortunately when he passes as we don't talk a ton and he just lives his life and I live mine. I wonder how all of this affects my parenting etc.
I guess I am pretty much just rambling on but I think that it is all in all good for me at this point. I mean here we are on Valentines Day and I am facing the loss of my father. I think it was about 13 years ago to date his mother passed away which I find totally creepy. But at the same time I find it kind of humbling that maybe God sent her to bring him home.
My poor sister who is there with him claims to be such a rock. But I know this is not fun for her we all actually think she bit off way more than she can chew. But the situation is here and now and we have to face every aspect of it.
I have been asked by many if I have forgiven my Dad for the issues he caused and if I talked to him about it but the honest answer is no. I do not believe he sees anything wrong with his behavior toward me and thus we will just be like we are. He is my Dad and for that I am grateful and I am grateful he got to meet and enjoy B even if it was for a short time.
I think all in all he is who he is and that is ok. He needs to make peace and I believe he will with himself, his choices, his family and so on. I pray daily he does not suffer and that he knows that whether I agree with his choices on parenting I do think he did the best he could for whatever demons he faced in other aspects of his life.
I am also grateful my sisters see him as a different man than I do. I think that it makes it easier on me to know that he was there for 2 out of the 3! Sad I know but it works in my head.
Ok I should stop rambling on and on now as I am not even sure these words will be heard but for me they make me feel better. It's like if I record it he will some how know that I am ok with the way things turned out. My life is good and I hope if worse comes to worse he will at least be an angel to my son...
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
"No" Etiquette
The other day I was at the playground with B, there was one other little boy and his grandpa. The boys played together well. The other one was a little older so as B warmed up to him he became his shadow. They climbed stairs, crawled tunnels and dived down the slides. It was wonderful to seem him interact.
Just as the other little boy was getting more comfortable with B I was getting more uncomfortable. The little boy was very touchy feely. Nothing funny just pulling B down or climbing on him if he fell or tripped. This is all new to me as B is the only boy right now and none of his play dates have consisted of this. I just let it go and really did not worry about it.
Just as I was finally realizing that I may need to relax a bit the little boy growled and stomped at B. Don't get me wrong he stomped lightly but did put his foot right on B's diaper in his crotch area. My immediate reaction was to tell the boy no. I was not stern nor loud. I just simply told him No he can not do that as B is not used to playing like that and could end up hurt or scared.
His grandpa was wonderful and pulled him away and in that moment I realized I am not sure if I did the right thing or overstepped my boundaries. It happened one more time and I again told the little boy no and explained why. His grandfather mimicked my words and told him that B was not his little brother and he could not do that.
Everything ended up fine but I have since wondered did I do something wrong in that situation. I mean I do not want to be "that" mom at the playground! I just did not like how close B was to getting hurt and not by accident or because he is just a little guy but because he does not know how to play like rough like that. I mean his Dad is more protective than me and has yet to show him wrestling or rough housing.
Maybe I should have waited for the grandfather to tell his grandson no or maybe I should have kept my mouth shut and pulled B away. Or heck maybe I should have just let them be. I mean we do hope for other kids and I know they will rough house and play and climb and growl and stomp.
I was totally prepared for the typical challenges of staying at home but holy cow this was a new one to face! I mean I have run into the little boy who pushed my son and the one that told him No this is mine, or the little girl who stole his toy but this one totally threw me off!
I am sure this is not the last playground blunder I will face but please oh please let me know how to react best for my child and myself otherwise you are all invited to the playground that I will be building in my back yard!
Just as the other little boy was getting more comfortable with B I was getting more uncomfortable. The little boy was very touchy feely. Nothing funny just pulling B down or climbing on him if he fell or tripped. This is all new to me as B is the only boy right now and none of his play dates have consisted of this. I just let it go and really did not worry about it.
Just as I was finally realizing that I may need to relax a bit the little boy growled and stomped at B. Don't get me wrong he stomped lightly but did put his foot right on B's diaper in his crotch area. My immediate reaction was to tell the boy no. I was not stern nor loud. I just simply told him No he can not do that as B is not used to playing like that and could end up hurt or scared.
His grandpa was wonderful and pulled him away and in that moment I realized I am not sure if I did the right thing or overstepped my boundaries. It happened one more time and I again told the little boy no and explained why. His grandfather mimicked my words and told him that B was not his little brother and he could not do that.
Everything ended up fine but I have since wondered did I do something wrong in that situation. I mean I do not want to be "that" mom at the playground! I just did not like how close B was to getting hurt and not by accident or because he is just a little guy but because he does not know how to play like rough like that. I mean his Dad is more protective than me and has yet to show him wrestling or rough housing.
Maybe I should have waited for the grandfather to tell his grandson no or maybe I should have kept my mouth shut and pulled B away. Or heck maybe I should have just let them be. I mean we do hope for other kids and I know they will rough house and play and climb and growl and stomp.
I was totally prepared for the typical challenges of staying at home but holy cow this was a new one to face! I mean I have run into the little boy who pushed my son and the one that told him No this is mine, or the little girl who stole his toy but this one totally threw me off!
I am sure this is not the last playground blunder I will face but please oh please let me know how to react best for my child and myself otherwise you are all invited to the playground that I will be building in my back yard!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
I Will Take Marriage Blunders For $1000
We have so much going on that it seems "us" is taking a back seat to everything else. I did not realize it till I could not answer if someone asked me the last time I kissed my husband. I know he feels just as disconnected as me but never complains.
I know moving is stressful and while we have one house under contract and we are living in another it feels like we are straddling two lives. I know we are blessed that our house is under contract and for that I am thankful but I can not wait till closing and the day we get to just concentrate on the here and now.
Yesterday was the first day I felt like I had a normal life of just playing with B, taking care of chores and just living. Rather than unpacking, calling this utility or that, turning this on and that off or whatever. I have been happy and loving the area but just ready to live here.
Hubby is stressed too. He finally was able to talk about it this weekend. With work causing stresses and the other house I think he is a typical male in his want to just fix and finish things. He is so laid back and quiet that when he breaks it takes alot.
I know we are not the only couple going through things and I know that moving anywhere is a huge stress but I forgot how much my marriage could get lost in the hustle and bustle. I have decided I was going to be conscious of some things till a little more is off our plates.
I am a yeller so that is something I am working on. I think I yell because I have such a high voice that I seem to think the only way to get through to people or sound stern is by yelling. I am also trying to let go in the morning. He always cuts it close to make it to work on time and holy cow does it drive me NUTS! But I am purposely not saying anything as frankly it does nothing for the situation at the time.
I think I could also make an effort to cuddle and connect as we get through this period of transition. He seems to be doing the same thing with me he is asking if he needs to take a day off to help me or if he can do anything else in regards to my chores.
It is hard to write all this and document all this but frankly I read many blogs and I think a lot of them do not touch on the difficulty of marriage. I know it can be a privacy issue but for me it is an issue of knowing I am not alone in the moments that it feels like I am. The moments where I stare out the window and think I am sure the couple across the street didn't disconnect when they moved in, its us only us!
I heard the other day that men need to be told exactly what you are feeling, thinking or what you want them to do. I think that is true being that it was not till I stopped snapping and started talking that we were able to communicate and figure out that we needed to support each other through all of this.
Marriage has never been easy and I am sure it never will be. But even though we are worlds apart right now I am glad we are both seeing the errors in our ways and that we miss each other. Disconnect is probably one emotion I would rather not feel. At the same time I am thankful for the reminder that I am not alone in all this.
I know moving is stressful and while we have one house under contract and we are living in another it feels like we are straddling two lives. I know we are blessed that our house is under contract and for that I am thankful but I can not wait till closing and the day we get to just concentrate on the here and now.
Yesterday was the first day I felt like I had a normal life of just playing with B, taking care of chores and just living. Rather than unpacking, calling this utility or that, turning this on and that off or whatever. I have been happy and loving the area but just ready to live here.
Hubby is stressed too. He finally was able to talk about it this weekend. With work causing stresses and the other house I think he is a typical male in his want to just fix and finish things. He is so laid back and quiet that when he breaks it takes alot.
I know we are not the only couple going through things and I know that moving anywhere is a huge stress but I forgot how much my marriage could get lost in the hustle and bustle. I have decided I was going to be conscious of some things till a little more is off our plates.
I am a yeller so that is something I am working on. I think I yell because I have such a high voice that I seem to think the only way to get through to people or sound stern is by yelling. I am also trying to let go in the morning. He always cuts it close to make it to work on time and holy cow does it drive me NUTS! But I am purposely not saying anything as frankly it does nothing for the situation at the time.
I think I could also make an effort to cuddle and connect as we get through this period of transition. He seems to be doing the same thing with me he is asking if he needs to take a day off to help me or if he can do anything else in regards to my chores.
It is hard to write all this and document all this but frankly I read many blogs and I think a lot of them do not touch on the difficulty of marriage. I know it can be a privacy issue but for me it is an issue of knowing I am not alone in the moments that it feels like I am. The moments where I stare out the window and think I am sure the couple across the street didn't disconnect when they moved in, its us only us!
I heard the other day that men need to be told exactly what you are feeling, thinking or what you want them to do. I think that is true being that it was not till I stopped snapping and started talking that we were able to communicate and figure out that we needed to support each other through all of this.
Marriage has never been easy and I am sure it never will be. But even though we are worlds apart right now I am glad we are both seeing the errors in our ways and that we miss each other. Disconnect is probably one emotion I would rather not feel. At the same time I am thankful for the reminder that I am not alone in all this.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Blessed
I am clearly aware of the state of the economy and all the troubles Americans or for that matter just people are having. But when it is not right in your face you tend to forget when you are going about your daily life. Things have not always been peachy for me but I can honestly say we are doing fine right now.
We have been lucky enough to make our own decisions regarding finances or jobs rather than them being forced on us. For this I know we are truly blessed. Coming to a small town reminded me of this and continues to do so on a daily basis.
While I used to run into SAHM's at the park I now run into them, yes, but grandparents and dads and aunts etc. They need a reminder that life will be ok. And many of them are unemployed. They are not there just letting their child run off some steam but also because they need the smiles and the fresh air they need a break.
I had a harsh reminder that we were not the norm the other day when everyone was talking about channels on the tv as our kids climbed and played. I could not follow the conversation, not only am I new the channels and stations but they were all talking about the channels that are not through cable. To me cable just is in our house. Working from home occasionally and a husband on call who works in computers means that internet is a must thus it seems cable just goes right along with it.
I left that day in aww that I had slipped into the ranks of cable is not a privilege! How was this possible? I am very aware of the hungry or the homeless but we seem to forget some of the things we are just used to others would love to have even just for a day.
We are not rich and we are not out here on a horse ranch living it up but by far we are not the norm. I keep getting asked how did we find jobs to move here and I explain my husband is now a commuter that we did not come and surpass all those in line looking for work.
No matter where you go, well I will take that back, almost everywhere you go people are thrilled to help, serve, or whatever it is they do you. They are grateful for their jobs and their opportunities. The fast food person is not frowning or a teenager who has to be there because their parents said find a job. The checker is not pissy and throwing your groceries over they are smiling and engaging in conversation.
It is something I needed something I missed. I missed the level playing field. I was taught do what you love and do it well. The money will follow or maybe it wont but as long as you are happy that is what matters and you see that here on a daily basis. More often than not you can feel that the adults are not snubbing one another because of what someone does for a living.
Now I am not going to assume the teenagers in the area have all skipped the usual better than you clique phase but what I have noticed is manners for the most part. Manners that I hope rub off on my son.
I have to admit that in my middle and high school we were among the lowest income students. It was hard when you looked around at all the things others had. Or when you went and bought swiss cake rolls because they were $.99 and lasted a whole week. But if we choose to stay here and hubby continues at his company and is blessed to keep his job for a long time our son will never know that feeling which to me is something I have always striven for.
Don't get me wrong he will know what it is like to earn, to be told no, to not be handed everything but he will hopefully not have to worry if rent will be paid or if food will be on the table.
Sometimes we think that we just want to do or go somewhere for the heck of it! So we can live in a small town or have animals. But in all reality there was just so much more to the plan than ever known. We truly are and have been blessed.
We have been lucky enough to make our own decisions regarding finances or jobs rather than them being forced on us. For this I know we are truly blessed. Coming to a small town reminded me of this and continues to do so on a daily basis.
While I used to run into SAHM's at the park I now run into them, yes, but grandparents and dads and aunts etc. They need a reminder that life will be ok. And many of them are unemployed. They are not there just letting their child run off some steam but also because they need the smiles and the fresh air they need a break.
I had a harsh reminder that we were not the norm the other day when everyone was talking about channels on the tv as our kids climbed and played. I could not follow the conversation, not only am I new the channels and stations but they were all talking about the channels that are not through cable. To me cable just is in our house. Working from home occasionally and a husband on call who works in computers means that internet is a must thus it seems cable just goes right along with it.
I left that day in aww that I had slipped into the ranks of cable is not a privilege! How was this possible? I am very aware of the hungry or the homeless but we seem to forget some of the things we are just used to others would love to have even just for a day.
We are not rich and we are not out here on a horse ranch living it up but by far we are not the norm. I keep getting asked how did we find jobs to move here and I explain my husband is now a commuter that we did not come and surpass all those in line looking for work.
No matter where you go, well I will take that back, almost everywhere you go people are thrilled to help, serve, or whatever it is they do you. They are grateful for their jobs and their opportunities. The fast food person is not frowning or a teenager who has to be there because their parents said find a job. The checker is not pissy and throwing your groceries over they are smiling and engaging in conversation.
It is something I needed something I missed. I missed the level playing field. I was taught do what you love and do it well. The money will follow or maybe it wont but as long as you are happy that is what matters and you see that here on a daily basis. More often than not you can feel that the adults are not snubbing one another because of what someone does for a living.
Now I am not going to assume the teenagers in the area have all skipped the usual better than you clique phase but what I have noticed is manners for the most part. Manners that I hope rub off on my son.
I have to admit that in my middle and high school we were among the lowest income students. It was hard when you looked around at all the things others had. Or when you went and bought swiss cake rolls because they were $.99 and lasted a whole week. But if we choose to stay here and hubby continues at his company and is blessed to keep his job for a long time our son will never know that feeling which to me is something I have always striven for.
Don't get me wrong he will know what it is like to earn, to be told no, to not be handed everything but he will hopefully not have to worry if rent will be paid or if food will be on the table.
Sometimes we think that we just want to do or go somewhere for the heck of it! So we can live in a small town or have animals. But in all reality there was just so much more to the plan than ever known. We truly are and have been blessed.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Get In, Sit Down, Shut Up
Get in, sit down and shut up! You think that I would be saying this to my 1 year old in hopes of training him early but in fact I say it to myself and even my husband some times as we get into the car now a days.
Once we moved here we were informed we are in somewhat of a snow bird town. For those of you who do not know what snow bird means it means that all the cold elderly come here to spend winter. And with them they bring their cars. Lots of them!
Now I know it is not fair of me to think that they should just fly down here and resort to public transit or to expect them to legalize golf carts out on SR 44 but some of them just don't belong behind the wheel. Thus we have implemented a new rule in the car, just deal and relax.
I am an impatient and loud person, shocker I know. And with a background in real estate that caused me to drive for years I am quick and observant and I do not do well with lollygaggers. But this all has to change or I will never be able to go out again in the months of winter.
I have decided that God put me here because I would love it but also to teach me to be patient, quiet, caring and to let go of that which we can not control. And by control he means I am not allowed to follow the little old lady to her destination and when she parks her car offer her a phone book to sit on so she can see over her steering wheel. In fact he means just enjoy the drive and know that the destination is not going anywhere it will be there whenever I get there.
Yesterday was too fun to be behind the one elderly man in FL who will drive his boat, I mean large automobile while talking on the cell phone and occupying two lanes. Come on most of them can not well prefer not to operate cell phones but no not him he had skill and showed it off.....for miles! I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I do love it here and it is worth it~ oh and they leave for the summer!
It's funny those same people who drive me batty on the road are the same ones that make me smile each day and treat B like he is the prince of this town. I guess it is a fair trade, I keep my windows rolled up and try not to cuss at you when you almost side swipe me and you ogle after my son.
I am not the only one who notices this. We were somewhere shopping when the sales man informed us that the police need to come in here and remove all the licenses of those who can not see signs, see over the steering wheel, can not hear and should not be driving. And he was very serious to boot. Me I do not need to be that harsh just use golf carts or stay off the roads when I want to use them, mmmm kay.
I am just kidding I love this place and will gladly share it with those who can not drive and should not drive. I may just say not so nice things if I am in a hurry or be counting the minutes till two lanes or one to pass you but by all means it is not because I don't like you or don't want to live amongst you! It is in fact because I am too fast for my own good and just now learning to slow down and enjoy life.
Once we moved here we were informed we are in somewhat of a snow bird town. For those of you who do not know what snow bird means it means that all the cold elderly come here to spend winter. And with them they bring their cars. Lots of them!
Now I know it is not fair of me to think that they should just fly down here and resort to public transit or to expect them to legalize golf carts out on SR 44 but some of them just don't belong behind the wheel. Thus we have implemented a new rule in the car, just deal and relax.
I am an impatient and loud person, shocker I know. And with a background in real estate that caused me to drive for years I am quick and observant and I do not do well with lollygaggers. But this all has to change or I will never be able to go out again in the months of winter.
I have decided that God put me here because I would love it but also to teach me to be patient, quiet, caring and to let go of that which we can not control. And by control he means I am not allowed to follow the little old lady to her destination and when she parks her car offer her a phone book to sit on so she can see over her steering wheel. In fact he means just enjoy the drive and know that the destination is not going anywhere it will be there whenever I get there.
Yesterday was too fun to be behind the one elderly man in FL who will drive his boat, I mean large automobile while talking on the cell phone and occupying two lanes. Come on most of them can not well prefer not to operate cell phones but no not him he had skill and showed it off.....for miles! I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I do love it here and it is worth it~ oh and they leave for the summer!
It's funny those same people who drive me batty on the road are the same ones that make me smile each day and treat B like he is the prince of this town. I guess it is a fair trade, I keep my windows rolled up and try not to cuss at you when you almost side swipe me and you ogle after my son.
I am not the only one who notices this. We were somewhere shopping when the sales man informed us that the police need to come in here and remove all the licenses of those who can not see signs, see over the steering wheel, can not hear and should not be driving. And he was very serious to boot. Me I do not need to be that harsh just use golf carts or stay off the roads when I want to use them, mmmm kay.
I am just kidding I love this place and will gladly share it with those who can not drive and should not drive. I may just say not so nice things if I am in a hurry or be counting the minutes till two lanes or one to pass you but by all means it is not because I don't like you or don't want to live amongst you! It is in fact because I am too fast for my own good and just now learning to slow down and enjoy life.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Parenting Fail??
I am not having the best of times with punishment for B. Lets just say I am the bad cop in the family and I suck at it. B is testing every limit right now and is very hyperactive. We are not sure if the hyperactivity is a phase or something deeper but we will have to just play it by ear.
So far in the last week he has broken a computer, a pair of 3D glasses and a lamp. Now I know you are thinking they should really baby proof but come on a lamp on a table does not fall under we did not baby proof. He did not throw something at it or knock it over on accident he just pulled the table down. I was so stunned I just didn't even react.
He used to be a headbutter and biter but I thought we were out of that phase till the last few days. Last night I ended up with 3 bites and the kid does not just bite and move on he bites like he is eating caramel and pulls off. Oh my reaction the first time it happened was not pretty.
Yes I spanked him on his diaper, Ugh how I did not want to be that mom. And then I sat him on the chair for time out for 1 minute. He screamed and cried through the whole ordeal seemed to get it and then I explained to him in a calm voice that he can not do that it hurts people. A few hours later he did it again.
I can not seem to think that his behavior is a reflection of my parenting. I am really starting to doubt that I am any good at this or that I should be allowed to have any more children. Even my mom said she would not want a second for me at this moment because my hands are so full with B. I am trying all different things to see what works with him and well hoping we find a solution.
I wish this was a time I could blame hubby but with him at work all day I know this falls on to me 5 out of 7 days a week. I think he gets right from wrong being that last night after punishing him he followed me around till I gave him a hug and told him it was ok.
I don't know if it is normal for an almost 17 month old to climb anything he can, destroy a room in a minute flat, prefer to feed the dogs instead of himself, head butt any surface (even those that make me cringe), growl, throw things. Is this the terrible 2's?
I mean there are many times he is sweet and cuddly and so lovely but then there are times when I think he is a gremlin and we should no longer get him wet!!!
I just hope sooner than later I get some sort of sign or reassurance that I have not failed as a mother and that it is very normal for little boys to be hellions when they are toddlers and not grow up to be cereal killers!
So far in the last week he has broken a computer, a pair of 3D glasses and a lamp. Now I know you are thinking they should really baby proof but come on a lamp on a table does not fall under we did not baby proof. He did not throw something at it or knock it over on accident he just pulled the table down. I was so stunned I just didn't even react.
He used to be a headbutter and biter but I thought we were out of that phase till the last few days. Last night I ended up with 3 bites and the kid does not just bite and move on he bites like he is eating caramel and pulls off. Oh my reaction the first time it happened was not pretty.
Yes I spanked him on his diaper, Ugh how I did not want to be that mom. And then I sat him on the chair for time out for 1 minute. He screamed and cried through the whole ordeal seemed to get it and then I explained to him in a calm voice that he can not do that it hurts people. A few hours later he did it again.
I can not seem to think that his behavior is a reflection of my parenting. I am really starting to doubt that I am any good at this or that I should be allowed to have any more children. Even my mom said she would not want a second for me at this moment because my hands are so full with B. I am trying all different things to see what works with him and well hoping we find a solution.
I wish this was a time I could blame hubby but with him at work all day I know this falls on to me 5 out of 7 days a week. I think he gets right from wrong being that last night after punishing him he followed me around till I gave him a hug and told him it was ok.
I don't know if it is normal for an almost 17 month old to climb anything he can, destroy a room in a minute flat, prefer to feed the dogs instead of himself, head butt any surface (even those that make me cringe), growl, throw things. Is this the terrible 2's?
I mean there are many times he is sweet and cuddly and so lovely but then there are times when I think he is a gremlin and we should no longer get him wet!!!
I just hope sooner than later I get some sort of sign or reassurance that I have not failed as a mother and that it is very normal for little boys to be hellions when they are toddlers and not grow up to be cereal killers!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Dirt On His Face
While many moms pride themselves on the next outfit their child wears or have closets full of the next best trend for their newborn or toddler that is just not me. I do have some favorites and I did over buy before B arrived but as far as actually dressing my son up well it didn't happen as much as I would like to admit.
Here in FL a onesie is fantastic for the summer days and somehow the same things keep ending up on the top of the stack thus I would find many unused outfits just sitting at the bottom of the drawer as I went to rotate his sizes. I loved picking up cute things and imagining what he would look like in them I even created a persona through all his Gymboree and cute outfits.
I tend to keep him clean and seemed to constantly worry about a spot on his face or dirty fingernail because holy cow no one could know he got dirty. Well it was really cause none of the other kids seemed to be playing in the dirt and I refused to be the one who let my son do it. (can you tell I have self esteem issues)
I would beat myself up about his dirty finger nails. It seemed no matter how short or how groomed he was the dirt just gravitated there. I would be embarrassed even around family that I was not doing a good job as a mother because his nails were dirty.
Last week the house was still in disarray and I was tired and unshowered my hair was greasy but clothes were clean! B was in daytime clothes, jeans and a tshirt I think it was but no shoes and socks because he refuses to leave them on. Well we needed to go to the store so do you know what I did? We went!
Yep we went to the store ungroomed and very reflective of what our week had consisted of. B's face was dirty, curls in a tangle, a little bit of crusty hair to the side from some recent meal, dirt under his finger nails, and I am pretty sure a spot or two on his shirt. And in my opinion I was worse off then him.
But as I walked into the store I was greeted with the same smiles and hellos that we had been greeted with on a clean day lets say! B got just as much attention as he always does and no one cared that I had not showered in, well, I will not tell you how long. I didn't feel any stares or judgment and I sure as heck was waiting for that glance of disgust or shrug of I can't believe she goes out like that much less lets her son!
This is new to me, to say the least. Where I used to live I would get stares if B's shirt was not changed after a spilled lunch out. Running to the store in sweats was unheard of unless they were a velour track suit. And if you dared going out with greasy hair you could feel the stares and turning up noses as you stepped out of your car.
It was nice to feel no pressure and just be me and my son in all our moving glory! And it was reflective of our life here and our afternoons in the dirt and days of enjoying life rather than worrying about others. While to some it is no big deal to me it was a turning point in who I am as a person and as a Mom and where we are in our life.
Here in FL a onesie is fantastic for the summer days and somehow the same things keep ending up on the top of the stack thus I would find many unused outfits just sitting at the bottom of the drawer as I went to rotate his sizes. I loved picking up cute things and imagining what he would look like in them I even created a persona through all his Gymboree and cute outfits.
I tend to keep him clean and seemed to constantly worry about a spot on his face or dirty fingernail because holy cow no one could know he got dirty. Well it was really cause none of the other kids seemed to be playing in the dirt and I refused to be the one who let my son do it. (can you tell I have self esteem issues)
I would beat myself up about his dirty finger nails. It seemed no matter how short or how groomed he was the dirt just gravitated there. I would be embarrassed even around family that I was not doing a good job as a mother because his nails were dirty.
Last week the house was still in disarray and I was tired and unshowered my hair was greasy but clothes were clean! B was in daytime clothes, jeans and a tshirt I think it was but no shoes and socks because he refuses to leave them on. Well we needed to go to the store so do you know what I did? We went!
Yep we went to the store ungroomed and very reflective of what our week had consisted of. B's face was dirty, curls in a tangle, a little bit of crusty hair to the side from some recent meal, dirt under his finger nails, and I am pretty sure a spot or two on his shirt. And in my opinion I was worse off then him.
But as I walked into the store I was greeted with the same smiles and hellos that we had been greeted with on a clean day lets say! B got just as much attention as he always does and no one cared that I had not showered in, well, I will not tell you how long. I didn't feel any stares or judgment and I sure as heck was waiting for that glance of disgust or shrug of I can't believe she goes out like that much less lets her son!
This is new to me, to say the least. Where I used to live I would get stares if B's shirt was not changed after a spilled lunch out. Running to the store in sweats was unheard of unless they were a velour track suit. And if you dared going out with greasy hair you could feel the stares and turning up noses as you stepped out of your car.
It was nice to feel no pressure and just be me and my son in all our moving glory! And it was reflective of our life here and our afternoons in the dirt and days of enjoying life rather than worrying about others. While to some it is no big deal to me it was a turning point in who I am as a person and as a Mom and where we are in our life.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Finally Here
We have been at our new house a week and a half and so far so good. While the move went smoothly the emotions have been up and down. It is always hard to get used to a new space and town and throw in changing routines and hubbys promotion and it all just seems to blend together.
I am so over cleaning and organizing but truth be told we still have two rooms to finish. In the moments I want to pull my hair out I have found solace in the quietness and serenity that this house brought with it. I now look forward to sitting down at the computer not just using the laptop as it sits in front of a window that I get to open and just breathe it all in. The challenges have been in the yard as well as the differences between the homes.
We have painted and cleaned and painted and cleaned just to make sure that we truly feel at home here while the days are long it was worth it on our first weekend here. We got to go to a local festival and become part of the community. It was a well needed reminder on why we wanted to move here in the first place.
It is funny I keep getting told that this is no longer a small town but let me tell you compared to the suburbs of Orlando I would say we are in BFE. One of my favorite things is the attention B gets. We can not go anywhere without a smile or hello and that makes me feel like B will know a kinder type of humanity than the hustle and bustle that cities are well known for.
The acreage is slightly intimidating but without a doubt has been wonderful. We do not go a single day without heading outside and grunging it up. I am not sure I will ever know true cleanliness again but I have enjoyed every minute of it. B loves not having us right behind him as he runs and plays and climbs. His face has said it all over the last week. The smiles are plentiful and there is a contentment I have never known in him.
We are still working through the bumps and I want to record more specifics for our memories later but for now I have to go get a little more done so we can just finally enjoy the day to day in our new home!
I am so over cleaning and organizing but truth be told we still have two rooms to finish. In the moments I want to pull my hair out I have found solace in the quietness and serenity that this house brought with it. I now look forward to sitting down at the computer not just using the laptop as it sits in front of a window that I get to open and just breathe it all in. The challenges have been in the yard as well as the differences between the homes.
We have painted and cleaned and painted and cleaned just to make sure that we truly feel at home here while the days are long it was worth it on our first weekend here. We got to go to a local festival and become part of the community. It was a well needed reminder on why we wanted to move here in the first place.
It is funny I keep getting told that this is no longer a small town but let me tell you compared to the suburbs of Orlando I would say we are in BFE. One of my favorite things is the attention B gets. We can not go anywhere without a smile or hello and that makes me feel like B will know a kinder type of humanity than the hustle and bustle that cities are well known for.
The acreage is slightly intimidating but without a doubt has been wonderful. We do not go a single day without heading outside and grunging it up. I am not sure I will ever know true cleanliness again but I have enjoyed every minute of it. B loves not having us right behind him as he runs and plays and climbs. His face has said it all over the last week. The smiles are plentiful and there is a contentment I have never known in him.
We are still working through the bumps and I want to record more specifics for our memories later but for now I have to go get a little more done so we can just finally enjoy the day to day in our new home!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Throw It All In
My hubby is on second shift right now which means dinner usually gets made before he leaves and we both heat it up whenever we are ready. I just don't feel good about me getting fresh and giving him leftovers the next day. Anyway, the other day I realized I had 30 minutes to get dinner done and very little in the fridge.
I knew I had hamburger and everything else to make sloppy joes my mom's way as I call it with spices and tomato sauce. As I was pouring in the sauce I remembered that hubby thought they were bland last time. He is more of a mamwich guy. So I grabbed mustard, bbque sauce, some other spices and just threw them all in. It was kind of funny but I kept tasting as I went and thought hmmm this is not half bad. I knew I could not tell him all that was in it or he wouldn't eat it and it got me thinking about how our marriage works.
I kind of just throw everything in and he deals. And by deals I mean he will either help me make something amazing with it all or he will help me sort it out throw it all away and move on. He is pretty amazing like that. I think that this method is how we landed where we are now and how we are reaching for the stars.
I am a throw it all in girl while he is a I will try a little here and a little there maybe wait till next time. We balance each other out. He is also the one who will totally lie when I have thrown too much in or when frankly all that I have thrown in is crazy. Lie might be a strong word he will fib a reaction till I look at his face and read it for exactly what he is thinking.
Grateful for his patience and understanding is an understatement! He will tell you that when we got together I warned him of this and many other nuances I have such as tasting his food every time he orders something different than me. But to me warning or not he loves me and all my "throw it all in"!
Needless to say I got a call about 7:30 that night asking what was in dinner. That he was hungry and had a sandwich and a half but can I please not make that again! He even reminded me of that one time I thought I overspiced and didn't, this time I did! And he so busted that there was mustard in it. Which he does not like. Just as I was saying sorry he had moved on to the next thing while I was still stuck wondering if it was really that bad!
I knew I had hamburger and everything else to make sloppy joes my mom's way as I call it with spices and tomato sauce. As I was pouring in the sauce I remembered that hubby thought they were bland last time. He is more of a mamwich guy. So I grabbed mustard, bbque sauce, some other spices and just threw them all in. It was kind of funny but I kept tasting as I went and thought hmmm this is not half bad. I knew I could not tell him all that was in it or he wouldn't eat it and it got me thinking about how our marriage works.
I kind of just throw everything in and he deals. And by deals I mean he will either help me make something amazing with it all or he will help me sort it out throw it all away and move on. He is pretty amazing like that. I think that this method is how we landed where we are now and how we are reaching for the stars.
I am a throw it all in girl while he is a I will try a little here and a little there maybe wait till next time. We balance each other out. He is also the one who will totally lie when I have thrown too much in or when frankly all that I have thrown in is crazy. Lie might be a strong word he will fib a reaction till I look at his face and read it for exactly what he is thinking.
Grateful for his patience and understanding is an understatement! He will tell you that when we got together I warned him of this and many other nuances I have such as tasting his food every time he orders something different than me. But to me warning or not he loves me and all my "throw it all in"!
Needless to say I got a call about 7:30 that night asking what was in dinner. That he was hungry and had a sandwich and a half but can I please not make that again! He even reminded me of that one time I thought I overspiced and didn't, this time I did! And he so busted that there was mustard in it. Which he does not like. Just as I was saying sorry he had moved on to the next thing while I was still stuck wondering if it was really that bad!
Friday, January 6, 2012
So Scared
Two nights from now I will be back in bed in this house after spending the day in the new house we are moving to and I am scared to death. Excited but scared to death. I know I sound like a big fat baby but I never claimed to do well with change. I have always been a runner I am good at it, what I mean, I do not dump you I just stop taking your calls, I do not quit I just don't show up, see what I mean I do not like to plan out big things. My day yes, but big things, no.
The house we are in now is wonderful it is bigger than we need, has custom cabinets, granite counter tops, custom baths, a pool, is in the suburbs and so on but we are leaving it. And for a home that is much different. We are trading in the pool for 2.5 acres, switching up the floor plan, losing some of the upgrades and even saying goodbye to the suburbs. While I am thrilled and it is a dream I am scared to death.
We did not make this decision lightly but still I wonder do we really know what we are in for. I do, I guess, I grew up in a small town and I know it is going to be hard at first but once you are in you are in so to speak. I wonder will I miss the pool we never used. Or will I miss the custom tile as I am in the bathroom of the new house. I think it is fair to expect that at times I will miss this home but the one we are moving to is just the one that is meant for us right now.
Luckily we are able to rent before we purchase the owners are even open to allowing us to rent for a few years to make sure we like the area and the home etc. What I love most is this has been a team effort. With this home I saw it picked it and called hubby to come see it. He said he liked and bam we were under contract. See being in Real Estate I am sure I saw all the inventory before I even knew we were house shopping. This home may have us and have a little paint but none of it was done by us. This is what is so appealing about the new house.
The new house has just enough updating to make it updated but not so much that we can't get what we want when we are ready to purchase. I would be able to get my dream kitchen and hubby his media room and so much more. We can get animals or even put in a pool that is in our taste and we are just so tickled about it. I truly am thrilled to hear hubby talk about it and shop for a riding lawn mower he is more excited than I ever anticipated.
For someone who grew up with a single mom renting small homes in a mountain town in Colorado calling many laundry rooms her bedroom, yep, I said laundry rooms! I find it quite silly that I would be wondering will I miss my granite counter tops or my stainless steel appliances! Oh how I know we are so blessed to have a home and a roof over our head. I am also so blessed that we are listening to the Lord and our intuition on this one and know that it is by far the best decision for so many reasons.
Doesn't make it any less scary though!
The house we are in now is wonderful it is bigger than we need, has custom cabinets, granite counter tops, custom baths, a pool, is in the suburbs and so on but we are leaving it. And for a home that is much different. We are trading in the pool for 2.5 acres, switching up the floor plan, losing some of the upgrades and even saying goodbye to the suburbs. While I am thrilled and it is a dream I am scared to death.
We did not make this decision lightly but still I wonder do we really know what we are in for. I do, I guess, I grew up in a small town and I know it is going to be hard at first but once you are in you are in so to speak. I wonder will I miss the pool we never used. Or will I miss the custom tile as I am in the bathroom of the new house. I think it is fair to expect that at times I will miss this home but the one we are moving to is just the one that is meant for us right now.
Luckily we are able to rent before we purchase the owners are even open to allowing us to rent for a few years to make sure we like the area and the home etc. What I love most is this has been a team effort. With this home I saw it picked it and called hubby to come see it. He said he liked and bam we were under contract. See being in Real Estate I am sure I saw all the inventory before I even knew we were house shopping. This home may have us and have a little paint but none of it was done by us. This is what is so appealing about the new house.
The new house has just enough updating to make it updated but not so much that we can't get what we want when we are ready to purchase. I would be able to get my dream kitchen and hubby his media room and so much more. We can get animals or even put in a pool that is in our taste and we are just so tickled about it. I truly am thrilled to hear hubby talk about it and shop for a riding lawn mower he is more excited than I ever anticipated.
For someone who grew up with a single mom renting small homes in a mountain town in Colorado calling many laundry rooms her bedroom, yep, I said laundry rooms! I find it quite silly that I would be wondering will I miss my granite counter tops or my stainless steel appliances! Oh how I know we are so blessed to have a home and a roof over our head. I am also so blessed that we are listening to the Lord and our intuition on this one and know that it is by far the best decision for so many reasons.
Doesn't make it any less scary though!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
And the Bug Has Passed
It has been one long week. In the midst of trying to figure out where we were at on our house and the potential ones we may move to not to mention New Years a terrible tummy bug hit our family. It started with hubby at about 3 am right when I became aware of it I sanitizing! EVERYTHING!
Just as soon as I was finishing the guest bath and hoping that B did not get it I heard some banging in his crib and was relieved that he seemed fine. Just as I was getting ready to change him the poor baby started throwing up. Let me tell you no one prepares you for when a toddler gets sick! I mean with a infant you can control where they are and usually where they aim etc. But holy cow nothing is as unpredictable as a 1 year old with a tummy bug!
Poor hubby instantly became 2nd in line for attention and healing but I think he understood, well mostly. B did pretty well the first day but by day 2 it seemed that it had gotten Daddy worse as hubby was still in bed and B was back to climbing the walls, literally. It was truly a test of my patience as it seemed hubs was milking it as his son could kick it and deal with it better than me. Sure enough I was so eating my words on that thought later! B ended up sick again that night and we thought it was over by sending Dad to the Dr for meds.
Nope!!! B ended up on the third night doing poorly. It's like it hit again out of nowhere and this time with wrath. The poor thing could not stop vomiting. By this time I had left messages for our pediatrician and not heard back thus I had to go with intuition. Something was just not right. So to the night pediatric we headed well although there ad said open till 12am well the greeted us with smiles from behind a locked door that happened to say 11pm. We then headed to our local hospital to be told there would be a 3 hour wait with no pediatric priority. At this point I am in pj's carrying a 1 year old in only a tshirt and diaper and towel and in tears! Oh how hopeless I felt, no one cared that my little baby was sick.
Finally it occurred to me to head to the local Childrens Hospital and by this time I heard back from my pediatrician that said get to the hospital, DUH! Oh how I can not sing Arnold Palmer Hospital praises enough. They had him in triage within 10 minutes or so medicated before even being seen by the Dr! My little guy has been on the mend ever since and you know what I think I got to see a feeling good guy today.
I was so tired from the hospital that New Years Eve was non existent and consisted of hubby kissing me at midnight and me falling back asleep. By Monday the bug I thought I had outsmarted took me down and Daddy Duty kicked in!
Here we are finally a week later on the other side and besides being proud of myself for cleaning and making it through B and Dad being sick I am proud we did it as a family unit. Sooner than later we will be living a few hours away from family and there was a part of me that was nervous that we can not call them and have them just show up whenever we need them well without a long drive atleast. But this last week proved we are up to this challenge and ready to do it on our own, for the most part.
We are ready to make a place our home where our kids will come back to visit one day. It feels good knowing that we are truly ready for this challenge even if it took a HORRENDOUS stomach bug to remind us!
Just as soon as I was finishing the guest bath and hoping that B did not get it I heard some banging in his crib and was relieved that he seemed fine. Just as I was getting ready to change him the poor baby started throwing up. Let me tell you no one prepares you for when a toddler gets sick! I mean with a infant you can control where they are and usually where they aim etc. But holy cow nothing is as unpredictable as a 1 year old with a tummy bug!
Poor hubby instantly became 2nd in line for attention and healing but I think he understood, well mostly. B did pretty well the first day but by day 2 it seemed that it had gotten Daddy worse as hubby was still in bed and B was back to climbing the walls, literally. It was truly a test of my patience as it seemed hubs was milking it as his son could kick it and deal with it better than me. Sure enough I was so eating my words on that thought later! B ended up sick again that night and we thought it was over by sending Dad to the Dr for meds.
Nope!!! B ended up on the third night doing poorly. It's like it hit again out of nowhere and this time with wrath. The poor thing could not stop vomiting. By this time I had left messages for our pediatrician and not heard back thus I had to go with intuition. Something was just not right. So to the night pediatric we headed well although there ad said open till 12am well the greeted us with smiles from behind a locked door that happened to say 11pm. We then headed to our local hospital to be told there would be a 3 hour wait with no pediatric priority. At this point I am in pj's carrying a 1 year old in only a tshirt and diaper and towel and in tears! Oh how hopeless I felt, no one cared that my little baby was sick.
Finally it occurred to me to head to the local Childrens Hospital and by this time I heard back from my pediatrician that said get to the hospital, DUH! Oh how I can not sing Arnold Palmer Hospital praises enough. They had him in triage within 10 minutes or so medicated before even being seen by the Dr! My little guy has been on the mend ever since and you know what I think I got to see a feeling good guy today.
I was so tired from the hospital that New Years Eve was non existent and consisted of hubby kissing me at midnight and me falling back asleep. By Monday the bug I thought I had outsmarted took me down and Daddy Duty kicked in!
Here we are finally a week later on the other side and besides being proud of myself for cleaning and making it through B and Dad being sick I am proud we did it as a family unit. Sooner than later we will be living a few hours away from family and there was a part of me that was nervous that we can not call them and have them just show up whenever we need them well without a long drive atleast. But this last week proved we are up to this challenge and ready to do it on our own, for the most part.
We are ready to make a place our home where our kids will come back to visit one day. It feels good knowing that we are truly ready for this challenge even if it took a HORRENDOUS stomach bug to remind us!
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