Sometimes I picture us just being completely happy with just B and then at times I think he needs a sibling he needs a partner in crime, he needs someone to lean on. I really seem to waver on this subject a lot. Which in turn makes me think God is up there saying try all you want for #2 but you wont get it till you know. Silly I know but it makes sense in my head.
I know we are not promised another baby but I would like to believe it happened before so it can happen again. Each month that we say we are trying I find myself in that two week wait wondering if that craving or bout of nausea is a little booger growing. But then Aunt Flow comes and well the devastation sticks around for a day or so.
Hubby is having issues with his siblings right now and they are not the type that will go away over night in fact they are probably going to be here forever being the 3 of them are just very different people. He thinks a lot of it has to do with their age thus he is really antsy for our kids to be closer in age rather than farther apart. And frankly turning 32 this year has me thinking #2 should be sooner than later.
I am hoping that #2 is growing right now but only time will tell. I can even be mimicked saying I want twins. I know crazy right but I think knowing I once miscarried them I just have a place in my heart for them. Pregnancy is a funny thing you want it want it want it and then it happens and scares the crap out of you.
I know the conversations would not even be on the table if we were not ready to expand our family. I mean we have thrown around the idea for months but it was not until truly this last month we made an "effort" and even then it was not our best you could say.
I also hate the selfish feeling that goes along with trying to have a baby especially since two of my closest friends had issues having their children. They both have such poise and adoration for their boys that I feel like if I am selfish and talk to them about it they may think I am pathetic to say the least. And the funny thing is I talk to both of them almost daily but they don't even know we are "trying". (they will now)
You know I just wrote out trying and it made me realize that its a weird term. A term that I do not think fits us right now. What we are is wanting to grow our family. We are doing the necessary things to grow the family and have laid it at Gods feet and thanked him daily for our wonderful family and for knowing it will grow somehow some day. So I don't think I should refer to it as trying but rather trusting.
I have had miscarriages in the past and B was a total emergency that almost made us lose not only him but myself so needless to say I am also scared to death. But next time around (hows that for positive thinking) I think I will tell people whenever I want, I will rejoice in knowing what will be will be and that God will only give us what we can handle. I don't want to be scared of the what if's or the superstitions that if I announce it early it will fail. And I surely do not want to be embarrassed if something happens.
You should never feel selfish about trying/having another! Every family is different and some people will only have one and be very happy with that while you feel the urge for more and that is fine too! I hope you have your twins growing in there right now!!! Good luck. :-) *hugs*
ReplyDeletePlease do not ever think you cannot talk openly with me about anything! I know we struggled but every baby is a blessing from above.. and I know that! I am soo happy for you that you are trying to have another one. I wish it was that easy for us.. We know that we might only have one child and that is okay with us! HUGS HUGS AND MORE HUGS!
ReplyDeleteHi hon! I'm stopping over from voiceBoks Members to Remember, and I'm following you! It sounds like you are really longing for another child. I remember when I was itching for my first...it felt like there was this emptiness in my arms that I just wanted to fill. But then, once I had my first, I was so overwhelmed that the thought of having another was daunting! I probably wouldn't have gone through with it except for the fact that I always wanted two (or more) children.
ReplyDeleteI've had my tubes tied since having my daughter (due to health problems I just can't do another pregnancy), but that doesn't stop me from wondering if someday I could have had another if my situation had been different. Choosing whether or not to try for another child is such an emotional roller-coaster it seems...I think the best thing you can do is just allow yourself to feel whatever you need to and give yourself space to sort out whatever is going through your heart. Don't blame yourself for anything you feel, because it's all part of the process. And especially since you've miscarried, trying for another child is bound to be a highly emotional endeavor.
It sounds like you have strong faith that will carry you through no matter what happens, and in that way you are abundantly blessed. I know that God will work it all out in His time, and I pray that you have more joy in your days than anxiety as you sort all of this through.
God bless, and all the best to you! It's lovely to meet you! So glad you joined the members to remember event!
Smiles, Jenn @Misadventures in Motherhood
Totally understand where you are coming from !! We are having the same thoughts about our 3rd - she is 6 years behind the other two and "all alone" - yet we're never alone, are we? Praying hard for you to get what you want!! Hope that the drama with your outlaws comes to a rest soon. We have that in our lives too! My hubs is one of SIX. I am only one of two - so while there is drama, it is just not the same.
ReplyDeleteStopping in from VB today! Hope it is a great one!
You should do what is best for you, and only you know that. Somehow, things do work out. I do think things happen for a reason, and timing is everything. I hope you can get through the in-law thing. I am 1 of 7, but we all get along very well.
ReplyDeleteYou should NOT feel selfish for trying for another baby!! You deserve to have the family you want, no matter what your friends are dealing with. You can still be a supportive friend. I highly doubt you're rubbing it in their face. I hope you get a healthy happy pregnancy and little one to go with it. But twins? Oh Lord, I'm not sure if I could handle two more :)
ReplyDeleteHi Sweetie - thank you for sharing so openly and honestly from your heart. That is the best way to connect with other people . . . . when you share your heart with others, we all feel as if we "know" you and we can connect on a much more significant level. I am stopping by from the voiceBoks group, and want to thank you for visiting my blog yesterday at mamas*little*treasures. Although I have several grown-up children, as well as many grandchildren, we still have two beautiful daughters at home, adopted from China, ages 9 and 11 years - so I am still in that child raising stage of my life! I understand your concerns, fears, and longing for another child. I also understand the situation with siblings being very different and than causing a bit of anxiety in a family ;o) So keep up the good work, keep moving forward, and God will bless you for your sincere desires in life. Keep us posted on your progress ;o) Hope to connect with you again soon! Nina @ mamas*little*treasures
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